Stunning Waiheke island

Just got back from our first trip out of the city and also had the best weather we've had since we arrived. Had a cruise over to Waiheke island which is a large island (25 x 20 kms) with a population of 8500. It was an awesome cruise over with some great views back toward downtown Auckland, and also across the water to some of the smaller islands and other districts of Auckland. They call Auckland the city of sails, and you can see why. It seemed everyone was on the water. We saw boats of all sizes, catamarans and guys whizzing around on jet skis. The water was an amazing tropical green colour and very clear.

It took around 45 minutes to get over to the island and as it was only a small place we decided to get a 90 minute bus tour. It was great. The bus took us through the small towns and past vineyards but also took us up to amazing lookout points around the island so i could fulfill my urge to photograph anything that moved. One such place was overlooking an area called "Nudey beach" which is New Zealands only legal nudist beach. As hard as i tried though, i couldn't get a good look! It would've probably only be filled with overweight Germans anyway! Why is it that no fit people get into naturism? I've only ever nudey sunbathed once (in my garden, much to Kates despair!) and of course appeared naked and painted blue on national TV but i've never been to a nudist beach. I have seen them on TV though and everyone always just seems old, overweight and/or German. I can totally see the appeal of the air whistling against your twig and giggle berries, but it would surely be better if there was a chance you could see a hot girl instead of some old bird with her nipples below her belly button or some wrinkly balled old guy playing volleyball? Maybe they only allow old swamp donkeys into these places to prevent all the guys getting embarrassing stiffys! So, after much deliberation i decided to give "Nudey beach" a wide berth.

It didn't matter though as it seemed that around every corner of Waiheke was a another stunning isolated beach to occupy me. We stopped off in the main town of Oneroa (Long beach) for a spot of lunch and went to stroll along the beach. We found some little rock pools and Kate was in her element (being a marine biologist and all). We watched little shrimps and hermit crab busy their selves in their little rock pools and enjoyed the amazing scenery which got a little spoilt by some dude nudist sun bathing! He had a little pouch covering his modesty but it didn't. As we strolled past i couldn't help but look and notice one of his nads poking out! Gross! Oh, they call hair removal cream Nads over here! Made me laugh!

We wondered back to the ferry port under the scorching sun. I was a bit worried as although we had sun screen on New Zealand is right under that hole in the ozone layer that all eco-warriors go on about. It means that you can get burnt even if it's not sunny and that NZ has the highest rates of skin cancer in the world. This is worrying news, especially for Kate who gets burnt from just reading the Sun newspaper!! I'm sure she could strike a match and get a tan from it!

The crossing back was uneventful. We got back to our room, showered then waited for dusk. We then went up the 220m sky tower to see the sun set over the city. It was very pretty but not the best sun set i have seen. It was great to see how green the city is and to get an amazing view of the harbour and the distant islands. It was high, not as high as say the CN tower in Toronto but that said, i can't believe that Kate jumped off it the last time she was here! She said she wouldn't do it again. I think she was drunk or something. You know Kate, it's possible.

So we are planning to get a car and try and sort out getting our campervan over the next few days. I'm also hoping to put some pics on Facebook but although the Internet is widely available, it's bloody pricey to upload anything! We'll see.

Anyway guys, hope all is well at home? Take care y'all.

Peace

D

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HEY YOU GUYS!!

Well, we’ve been here in Auckland for a few days now. It really is a busy little city. Well, it’s technically the fourth largest (area, not population) city in the world. I’m not sure how just over a million people take up so much space. Probably because there aren’t that many tall buildings, not like New York or Toronto. It’s a real mix of different cultures. There’s Brits, Kiwis, Maori, Japanese, Chinese, Korean and unfortunately quite a few Germans, sigh.

We had our orientation session yesterday with the organisation that helped us come over, IEP. It was a three-hour chat and to be honest I wasn’t looking forward to it. My worst fear was confirmed when they asked us for our passports to go photocopy our visas and the only other commonwealth passports were two Canadian girls. The rest of the group, apart from a couple from Belgium, were all bloody German. Not too bad I thought, I could always impress them with my knowledge of airport sex shops that I learnt from my very brief time in Munich. It was quite a big group of about 20 or so but my face dropped when the guy taking the session said we all had to stand and go and chat to a complete stranger for the next 5 minutes. Well, most of the Germans talked amongst themselves except for a few single guys who bee lined it straight for the two pretty Canadian girls. I contemplated just pretending I didn’t know Kate and we would then chat about what we were gonna buy for dinner later on but this strange looking German guy came over and introduced himself. Within a nanosecond I had forgotten his name, mainly due to the fact that he looked like Eddie Munster and Gollums love child that had been dropped on his head as a baby! I half expected the first words he said to be “Hey you guys!” or “Sloth love Chunk!” We made small talk for a while before the awkward silences began. I got a little worried as the German circus freak just stood there staring like he was trying to read my aura or detect the very sense of my being! We were rescued before he could suck out my soul by the guy taking the session who told us all to sit back down and he would carry on. Phew.

We watched a few videos glamorising New Zealand but to be fair it wasn’t anything I hadn’t seen before. In fact the only thing of any real interest was how we open a bank account and get our tax number and how to get vehicles checked before you buy them. New Zealand has a weird law where any fines like parking or speeding tickets are attached to the car and not the driver! In theory then, you can buy a car and it has hundreds of pounds of speeding fines on it, which you then become liable for. Stupid law if you ask me. Am tempted to rag the arse of my hire car, get loads of speeding tickets, park upside down on the sidewalk and run over an old granny! Then hand the car back and let the next guy deal with it.

So we spent yesterday afternoon sorting out all the boring stuff like bank accounts then headed down to the harbour for a wee drink. Meaning a small drink, not a drink of wee, by the way. We found a nice little bar on the waterfront and were very pleased to discover it was happy hour. We only intended to stop for one as we had to still sort some stuff out with our English bank accounts that night (UK banks will only transfer money between 9am and 5pm GMT) but ended up getting absolutely twatted!! We staggered back to our apartment and got online to transfer our money. I woke up this morning and suddenly remembered my drunken attempt to transfer thousands of pounds into my new NZ account. Fuck knows where that money will end up! Some little old lady is probably gonna check her account next week and be $10,000 better off! Hopefully it’ll be the granny I run over in my hire car, karma.
No, hopefully it’ll will all be fine but I strongly recommend not trying to transfer shed loads of cash half way around the world after 10 pints of Tui (NZ Lager) and a few Heinekens!!

Dodged a hangover though so not all bad. Decided I would treat myself today. Kate had asked the guitarist in the bar last night (who was very good) where was a good guitar shop in Auckland. So on his recommendation we headed uptown. It was all wet and rainy today and I didn’t have a jacket so ended up buying myself a bright red North face rain coat which was way cheaper than back home. Then we made it up to Music Planet and I sat trying out guitars for the next hour or so and chatting to the English guy in the shop. Was so different from UK guitar shops where there is a sense of smugness from all the guys who work in them. This guy actually sat down with me and jammed! It put me right off! I have only ever played guitar with someone else once and that was years ago. Needless to say I ended up buying a cheapo little black guitar which I was thoroughly impressed with.

We then headed back via Victoria Park market and had a walk along the harbour front looking at all the massive yachts. There was a regatta going on but as it was still raining we just headed back.
I am really loving it here so far. Everyone is really nice and they all speak English, even ze Germans, which is such a welcome relief after a week in Japan. The only thing I have found annoying so far is the pedestrian crossings, which all sound like a spaceship is shooting at you when it’s time to cross. I’m tempted to duck, roll and weave my way across the road commando style shouting “INCOMING!” Any annoyance though is quickly forgotten due to the fact that it’s summer here. Yes it rained today but for the last few days it’s been great again seeing cute girls walking about with next to nothing on. I love summer. Oh, enjoy the snow UK! Ha ha ha (evil cackle).

Still haven’t sorted out a Biff (our campervan). We’ve had a look at some online but until we get our money sorted there’s no real point going to have a look. So have all that to look forward to. We’re hopefully gonna go on a cruise to Waiheke island tomorrow which is not far from Auckland and apparently is beautiful and full of laid back little villages. Should be good, and hopefully miles away from Eddie Munster!

Peace

D

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Kia Ora from Auckland

Hey guys, We made it to New Zealand, finally. And man is it hot here!!

Our journey was pretty straight forward. We had a night flight so i thought i'd get some sleep and wake up all refreshed for a new day in Auckland. However, still being 6 foot 3 (I was kinda hoping spending some time in Japan might shrink me) there was no chance as i still had my bloody knees around my ears! So never slept but did manage to watch 6 and a half films!! Air New Zealand have wicked little entertainment systems on the seat backs. You can watch tons of movies, TV, listen to a huge selection of music or play videogames to while away the tedium. As we flew in to Christchurch on the south island we had spectacular views of the southern alps and the stark contrasts of the greens and yellows of dormant pastures. It was beautiful.

We only had a brief stopover in Christchurch but it gave me enough time to purchase my first (and new favourite) thing in NZ. It was a Flight of the Conchords t-shirt which says "Eat. Sleep. Folk." It's way cool!!

We got back on the plane for the brief flight up to Auckland. From the plane you could really see the differences between the north and south islands. The area around Auckland is very green with lots of hills and lakes. We got all our baggage (hurray!) and went and got our complimentary bus into the city. We got off the bus and had a short walk to our accomodation on Gore street in the heart of downtown. We got quite a few strange looks. I mean who wouldn't? Two people lugging skis down the street in 25 degree weather.

We got to our room and damn near collapsed from exhaustion. We are not snobs but i am so glad we didn't do the hostel thing. It was so nice to have our own, modern, well equipped (We have a washing machine/dryer and a swish little dishwasher) little space and not have tons of people around to bother us. Ah, the shower i had when i get unpacked nearly made me jizz in my pants (sings the Lonely island song which i hope you have all seen on Youtube by now!?), it was that nice. The views over the city are pretty good too. We settled in then decided to go out for a drink and get a few bits from the supermarket. Kate also got her phone unlocked and a new sim. I imagine she will email you her new number.

We got a few bits and bobs then headed back to dump it all in our apartment. We then hit the bright lights of Auckland. I was amazed that i was able to move as i hadn't slept for about 30 hours but i managed to lift a few pints to my mouth when we stopped at the Fat Camel bar across the road from us. Well, i say a few pints. It was happy hour when we got there and they had footy on the TV. 4 bucks for a beer (about £1.70) so we decided to spend the night and omit the need for food. Got talking to these old dudes from Taranaki and they insisted on taking us out for a fishing trip on their boat when we go down that way. Also met a few german girls who actually had a sense of humour!! They laughed at my jokes and everything. I reckon it was because they had already been here for a while and had become de-germanized. Got chatting to an english girl too who had only been here a week and already knew half of Auckland. Not sure if that means she's really friendly or that she's a slut? She was from south east London so probably means she's a slut. Nah, she was lovely and didn't seem to notice me ripping the piss out of her "souwf" London accent. Ended the night in pain though as we all played the box game. All you had to do was pick up a decreasingly small cardboard box off the floor with your mouth, without using your hands or putting your knees on the floor. I lasted two rounds. Being so tall and not even remotely bendy, i sucked. Kate faired one round better before all the young flexible girls and boys took over. By the final round there were still several people who picked up tissue paper without there hands or knees touching the floor. They had a playoff and the winner was the first to bend over and pick up a shot of Absynthe then down it. Not even sure what the winning prize was or who actually won as it all got a little blurry. Good fun though.

Needless to say we woke up with hangovers this morning. I hadn't realised it but it appears our room has been moved from the 15th floor and repositioned on the surface of the frickin sun!! It is roasting today. At least 30 degrees. So different from last week where we were in -7 degrees. Feels weird wearing shorts and flip flops, or jandals, as they call them here. I got my new sim today and didn't need to unlock my phone which saved me a few bucks too. I will email you all my number so you can text me whenever you want. Just remember we are 13 hours ahead of you though.

We are busy trying to sort out hire cars and arranging viewings of campervans but i'm sure we will then start doing the touristy thing and start posting pictures and all that.

Chat soon guys.

D

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Sayonhara Japan

Wow, i can't believe that i've already been here a week. In a way though it has felt longer. I think if you're doing lots in a place, time does go slower. So, we leave Japan today and head off to Auckland where we have an apartment booked for 10 days. I should have internet there too so i can continue to bore your bums off with this blog. Sorry or "sumimasen" as we say in Tokyo.

Our first full day in Tokyo we headed in to the city and to the Imperial palace. It was odd not having the expected millions and millions of people herding us along. It was very quiet and gave us lots of time and space to explore. We then headed over to the Asakuza district and soon found the hustle bustle of people we had expected to see earlier. We fought our way through the crowds to get to the Senso-ji Temple. Here they have incense sticks burning and the smoke is supposed to bring good health. Yeah right! Firstly the incense sticks had swastikas on them and you came away coughing and spluttering and smelling like a teenager! Smokey and herbal. The main shrine was full of people paying their respects. No, proper paying. As in chucking handfuls of money into this big bin and praying. I guess it was no different to the collection plate in most christian faiths though.

We left the temple, grabbed a quick octopuss kebab and headed for another region called Ueno. It had a huge park with somemore little shrines but is quite well known for it's electronic and manga (japanese comics) stores. It was again heaving but we made it through the masses of people and girls dressed in in little skimpy manga-style school uniforms. Niiiicccceee!

After Ueno we headed back to the hotel for some much needed rest and a bite to eat.

Yesterday we explored a region of the city called Shinjuku. A bustling business area with big skyscrapers. We went there to look at the observatory on the 45th floor of the government building. Tokyo is proper big! We then walked to Yoyogi park and visited the Meiji shrine. It was so peaceful and serene and you forgot that you are in one of the biggest cities in the world, a far cry from the busy Senso-ji Shrine. Serenity was soon ruined by the constant tannoy announcements they seem to have everywhere! Even in Shiga Kogen there would be a huge tannoy announcement to tell you the slopes were closing. You could hear it through the whole valley!

After paying our respects at the Meiji shrine with a complex hand washing fiasco (wash your left hand, then right hand, then drink with your left hand, then wash your left hand, then wash your cup, then pray) we headed for Shibyu. Shibyu is another commercial area with lots of shops and places to eat. It also has the busiest pedestrian crossing in the world. It's not an overly big junction but when the little green man lights up people just seemed to descend from everywhere! It has 6 zebra crossings all heading off in various directions. We made it out of Shibyu alive and as it was getting dark decided to call it a day and head back. Picked up an awesome sushi picnic from the times square department store which we ate when we got back to the hotel.

I will miss Japan and although we have done a lot here i definately feel i will need to come back and check out the rest of the country. It's a shame that Japan is not really a tourist destination. Don't get me wrong we have seen our fair share of round eyes from Australia and the US but i hardly know anyone who has been here for a holiday. In comparison, i know loads of people who have been to Thailand, or China, or Vietnam. Japan is not that much further away in reality. Maybe it's because it's so bloody expensive here. Accomodation is very pricey and food is not cheap but i have spent less here in a week then i spent in 4 days in Bulgaria and that includes lift passes in our ski resort! To be fair, i haven't drank here which has a big impact as beer in our hotel is nearly 8 quid a bottle, and to get to Bulgaria cost a shed load less than it would've have to fly here. It's a shame really as Japan has so much to offer and is truly unique from other pan-pacific countries. There is a real feel of easts meets west here. It's so modern and yet so steeped in tradition. Japanese people are so aware of their heritage and history but are always looking to the future and constantly pushing technology forward. I really do strongly recommend checking it out for yourselves. It's such a pity that Japan only really gets exposed to business men, rock bands and sex tourists!

I will miss the food here. Luckily New Zealand has a large Japanese population so i may still be able to get the whale spunk pasties or penguin cocks. One thing i love here is that they don't eat cheese! (" YOU WHAT!" - I hear smoosh cry) We went to the supermarket yesterday and the cheese counter was literally just a few shelves with some cheddar on. Compared to the dried fish section which took up a whole wall! You can totally see why Japan has a life expectancy of 91! Low fat foods and tons of fish. Since i've been here i've not been able to turn my brain off due to all the omega 3 i'm ingesting! Kinda wish i was taking my GCSEs tomorrow.

So this will be my last entry from the land of the rising sun. I kinda thought i'd get some wicked pics of sunrises but you have to be up really early for those, sod that! Plus New Zealand is the first country to see the sun rise so hopefully might get to use the sunrise function of my camera yet.

So i will bid you sayonhara from the land of the rising sun, and will hopefully bid you G'day from the land of the long white cloud in my next entry.

Missing you all tons

D

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A few thoughts from Japan

OK, so I've been here in Japan for nearly a week now so not really long enough to know a country. But, i have noticed a few idiosyncrasies that cause annoyance or, i think are totally brilliant. A few likes and dislikes if you want.

Firstly, i have already mentioned the bloody toilets over here and the hours of fun that can be had with/on them. My beef is that there doesn't seem to be any consistency. Some loos have all the mod cons with all the buttons that wash your front garden and blow hot air onto your brown eye, whereas some just seem to spray water up ya pipe and leave you to either drip dry or wipe. Some are just troughs in the ground that you have to squat over (if your a girl) and others are nooks on the sidewalk with an open urinal where every passer by can see you taking a leak (if you're a dude). All seems a bit odd to me.

Also, Japan is a remarkably beautiful country. Tokyo is just like most big cities but has the most stunning parks and shrines dotted around. Outside the city, large red pines and tall bamboo seem to border these amazing little Mr Mayagi type houses. My problem is that all these beautiful things are completely ruined by telegraph poles. Little short one storey poles with massive junction boxes on and unsightly cables stretching the length of the whole street. Imagine America (in places) but a million times worse. Why don't they just bury everything under the roads like us? Maybe it has something to do with the dodgy earthquakes Japan has fairly frequently, I'm not sure. It's just such a shame that nearly every pic i try to take has a bloody telegraph pole in it or a huge great big cable running along the top. Sigh.

Tokyo is the most congested city in the world, apparently. My first impression of Tokyo was the opposite. I came out of Tokyo central station to walk to the imperial palace and there wasn't a soul in sight. I was however, in the heart of the financial district at a weekend and soon found out that in other areas such as Ueno or Akihibara, it is bloody packed!! You have difficulty walking on the sidewalk just due to the sheer number of people around. I don't have a problem with that. It's just that so many people here ride bicycles and there is no allocated lane for them so they ride on the sidewalk too. I was nearly run over so many times today that i now know that the Japanese for sorry is "Sumimasen." It was a total nightmare and i don't get how a modern vibrant city such as this doesn't allow them to either ride on the road or have cycle lanes. Maybe they are waiting for the next earthquake to destroy the city then they add them.

Wow, i feel like grandpa Simpson in that episode where he complains about the use of the words "horny" and "family jewels" on TV. It's an early episode from the first series, i think.

Anyway, another thing i don't get here is what happens to all these young good looking Japanese girls? Some of them are truly stunning. In fact most of the under 30 year olds ( who all look like they are 12) are girls you wouldn't consider kicking out of bed. Weirdly though it all seems to go wrong for them after 40. I have not seen one decent looking older women here. What the fuck happens to them between 30 and 40? Are they shipped off to ugly camp where their faces are scrunched up and their spines shattered so they loose all sense of posture? Every women over 40 also seems to be about a foot shorter. Do Japanese women shrink after they hit 30? Is that something they do at ugly camp? That said, it is hard to see a lot of peoples faces here as they all wear stupid surgical masks. At first i thought "bloody hell, Japan has a lot of surgeons!" but soon realised that even little kids were wearing them and Doogie Howser MD can't have been that big a show over here. I wondered if it was either to protect themselves from pollution or bird flu or SARS but i reckon it's to either cover up the hideous transformation that occurs after 30 or to all look like bad ass ninjas!!

Don't get me wrong, I love it here. There is so much cool shit too. The trains here are awesome. The shinkansen (Bullet) train is the nuts! It goes at 200 mph but is as smooth as silk and super quiet too. Subway trains are so clean. Big too. Well they would have to be really to cope with all the people. They are always on time and some trains tell you how far you have til your stop and an estimated time of arrival too. Pretty handy for when you are panicking about missing your flight. The standard trains here are like first class trains back home. They have tons of leg room. Not sure why as i feel like Gulliver here, i was seriously a foot taller than anyone in my carriage today on the subway. Also, on the train a little lady comes around to sell you water or food. It's wicked.

That brings me nicely onto the food here. It is amazing. All fresh and the selection is beyond comprehension. I thought it would all be fish fish fish but they also do a lot of beef, pork and some chicken. It's not cheap to eat but there are little places where you can stuff your self silly for a tenner. What i truly love is the mystery of what you are actually eating. Some of it is obviously beef or fish but other stuff looks bizarre. I had an awesome white pastry earlier stuffed with a brown sort of meat, kinda like a cornish pasty. It tasted great but for all i know i may have contained whale spunk! You get pretty used to eating mystery foods in Europe, especially France with there's frogs legs, snails and horse burgers but here it's all a bit extreme. In any random restaurant you can order from a picture on the menu and who knows? You may have ordered a penguins cock wrapped in seaweed with some shrimps legs stuffed down the Japs eye! (Hmm, i wonder if they still call them Japs eyes here? Maybe to them they are just "eyes")

Everyone here is super polite. Almost to the point of being subversive masochists! After 50 thank yous and 100 bows you feel like total royalty. It's nice though to see everyone using manners again. I was always told as a kid that please and thank you don't cost anything. Shame that all seems to be on the out back home where a teenager would rather stab you in the eye whilst texting her BFF, than say "please."

I'm no fashionista but I'm liking the Japanese style. They do pride themselves on being "fashionable" but their not heavy into the big labels. From what i can see most guys here are loving the skinny jeans, black shiny puffer jackets, army boots and the arab style scarf. They all take so much pride in their appearance and they all look like they are about to go into urban warfare! It's all very punk styled and they carry it off very well. Unlike back home where most guys look like someone shaved a monkey and kicked it through Topman (thank you Frankie B) or they are total chavs who shop in Sport and Soccer and look like the holding pen for the Jeremy Kyle show (Frankie B again)! The girls here, as i said, are stunning and very fashion conscious too. They are all very trendy with modern haircuts and not a hint of Elizabeth Duke. They also don't seem to mind wearing hot pants even though it's 4 degrees out, nnniiiiccceee!

There are tons of other stuff i like (like Japanese snow. It's such a soft whispy sort of powder that you just glide through. No - Not that type of powder Harry!) but to list them all would be very droll. Overall Japan is amazing. Hardly any tourists, in fact I've only seen a few round eyes since we've been here, and yet Japanese people really make an effort to speak English and help you out if you are stuck, which due to Konji (the Japanese writing), can be often. I strongly recommend anyone to come here.

Just watch out for cyclists, telegraph poles, penguin cocks, bird flu and jail bait.

Peace

D
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Toilets in Japan are fun

Only just arrived back in Tokyo and had a bit of a wait at the airport to get our bus to our hotel in Narita. As i mentioned in my previous blog entry the toilets here are a little odd. Well, while we were waiting for the bus i had to go to the loo pretty bad. I walked back into the terminal and headed to the toilets. I walked in and was meet with a room full of urinals and sinks. Not normally a problem if you just need a wee. I unfortunately needed a bit more than that. As i turned to walk out i noticed these bizarre doors with big green and red buttons on them. Upon pressing the big green button the door opened to reveal a large bathroom with a toilet, HURRAY!! On closer inspection it was a regular loo but had funny buttons on the wall next to it. I pressed the first button and the loo flushed. Sweet i thought so that's the flush sorted then.

I won't fill you in on what i did next but whilst sitting on the loo i couldn't not press the other buttons could i? The one that interested me the most was a blue button with a picture of a bum on it and a plus and minus button underneath which said water pressure on them. I pressed the blue button and nothing happened, at first. Then a jet of warm water shot up my bum!! I quickly pressed the blue button again as the sensation wasn't exactly pleasant but the water continued. I quickly thought about getting up but was pretty sure the water jet would've continued to squirt and there would have been a fountain effect. I then pressed the red button and the water stopped. I was in a fit of giggles at this point but curiosity got the better of me and i just had to press the orange button which had a picture of a cloud on it. Again, nothing happened at first. Then suddenly a whoosh of warm air hit my cornhole!! Again, not a pleasant feeling so i quickly pushed the red button again and it stopped. Then i thanked god that there was some loo roll.

What the hell are these Japanese people thinking? Surely just a regular toilet was good enough? Surely recycled loo paper is not forcing the deforestation of Brazil anymore? That said it did make for some good toilet humour. Boom boom

D
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Konnichiwa from Japan

Arrived safely for the first leg of our journey to New Zealand. We are In Japan, Shiga Kogen to be precise. It’s a ski resort just outside Nagano, the site of the 1998 winter olympics. First impressions of Japan are that it’s totally weird!! Pink strawberry and yellow Lemon kit kats, beer vending machines and odd buttons on the toilet that make a flushing sound but don’t actually flush. Took us 25 hours door to door to get here including a brief stop over and change of plane in Munich. I would’ve liked to explore the awesome airport there but we were delayed on the runway at Heathrow so only just made our connection in Munich. The airport had a full on sex shop with 2 foot dildos in the window and everything! Those crazy Germans. I was a little worried that our luggage would get lost due to the quick change with our connecting flight but I’ll give it to those sexually liberated krauts, they are super efficient. Humourless robots, but efficient.

The flight into Tokyo was uneventful except they had somehow put us on a smaller plane and the legroom was rubbish. I tried to sleep but found it difficult with my knees under my chin. Got all our luggage at Tokyo and headed to the train into the city. Once there we waited patiently for our bullet train to Nagano and at exactly 1404 we left Tokyo. We raced along on the bullet train on its way to Nagano at 200 mph, passing an active volcano at Kairugama. The bus from Nagano took a further hour to get to Shiga Kogen and our sub resort of Hasiuke. The hotel isn’t much but it’s at the bottom of the ski runs so we don’t have to walk very far.

We dumped our gear and headed down for dinner. Now, I like Japanese food but what was set before us was nothing like what I had ever seen before. Basically it was a selection of raw noodles, fish, vegetables and small parcels, along with some rice and miso soup. There was also a huge pot of broth sitting on a mobile cooking hob which the waiter lit, smiled then disappeared. After some close observation of the 5 guys on another table we realised that we had to cook all our own food in the broth. It was awesome!

Went to bed stuffed and managed to find some NBA basketball on TV. More than you can get in the bloody UK at the moment. Although I tried to stay awake I ended up drifting off to sleep at about 8pm, DOH! Woke up in the dark and thought to myself that it must be like 6am or something. Checked my watch and it was bloody 11pm!! Managed to get back to sleep but only til 2am, then stayed awake til the morning, stupid body clock.

Breakfast consisted of more confusion. We sat down to a tray with lots of compartments filled with salmon (fairly normal), omelette (very normal), gherkins (huh?), coleslaw with noodles and ham (er, ok?), some dumplings (tasty but not really a breakfast treat) and rice (crazy japs). It was certainly different but pleasant all the same. After some brekkie we hit the slopes in what can only be considered perfect conditions. There was snow everywhere. A stark contrast to Borovets where snow was sparse. We did a few little green (Gay, sorry, Easy) runs before I convinced kate to try a short red (medium) run. She stacked it and I’m sure hated me for a few minutes but nevertheless she got back on her skis (eventually) and we carried on. We skied for a few hours on the quiet slopes until lunchtime when everyone seemed to just disappear for lunch so we then had the mountains pretty much to ourselves. At about 2pm we took a wrong turn and ended up behind some hotel so we decided to head back, get changed and go see the famous snow monkeys.

We got our bus with little trouble (everyone here is so polite and helpful), managed to get off at the right stop then had a 2km trek to the monkey park through a winding mountain path which was pretty icy in places but we managed it unscathed. The monkeys were freakin awesome!! They are so tame and chilled (not like those evil Gibraltar monkeys!) and had no problem with you getting right up close as they just chilled out in the natural hot springs. It was so cool just watching them either sit in the hot springs, or scrabble through the snow, or preen themselves or actually have sex no more than 2 foot from my head!! I wish I was a snow monkey! Got some awesome pics too. Well worth the 4km round trek through the woods, up a mountain along icy paths. What did spoil it a little was the fact that so many people were right in these poor monkeys faces taking pics. I felt a bit bad but I guess it’s a small price to pay for living in an awesome mountain location with hot tubs and monkey sluts who let you bang them while tourists take pictures! (see my facebook pics for monkey porn!)

Dinner at the hotel was again a challenge. We had lots of raw meats and veg but this time had a hot plate to fry everything on. We also had a breaded pork escallop, lots of strange pickled mushrooms and scallop sashimi (raw) with orange fish eggs on, lots of rice and a weird soup with little shrimps in it. There was also some awesome cooked pork in like a teryaki sauce. Ate tons but Kate assured me it was all low fat. Again, tried in vain to stay awake past 8pm and again woke up bright as a button at 11pm! Stupid bloody body clock. Did manage to drift off again but not til about 5am. Next thing i knew Kate was waking me up for breakfast, she also stated that it was so foggy outside that she couldn’t see the hotel next door. When i got up to check i realised it was condensation and it wasn’t actually that bad. So i did what any caring man would do and ripped the piss out of her for it as i got ready for brekkie. Wonder what culinary delights laid in store this time? Well, it was what i assume was a Japanese take on a full english breakfast. Scrambled egg served in a lettuce leaf, sausages and bacon all served cold. Oh, and some gorgeous noodles in mayonnaise. The big bonus was toast which came with some squirty starwberry jam and butter, genius!! There was rice naturally and lots of salad, which i didn’t eat.

We scoffed our food and headed out to the slopes. Very low cloud cover and the fact that it was snowing made it a lot more difficult today. We walked to the cable car and shared it with 4 Japanese snowboarders who were keen to try out there English on us. They asked where we were from and when i replied England they asked if i had met David Beckham? I have actually but funnily enough i was in Madrid when the whole Real Madrid football team stayed in our hotel, along with Paul Gascoigne before he went completely bonkers. We rode the cable car and got transported all the way to the other side of the resort in search of the Ichinose (yes, that’s what it is really called) family area. Kate took a bad spill almost instantly on the first run and twisted her knee. On the next run she did a fancy pirouette unintenionally and smacked the back her head on the snow. This also had the added effect of stimulating her moan gland. I tricked her into skiing a short red (medium difficulty) run which she did really well on but then take another bad spill on the flat bit at the bottom, losing her skis and her willingness to ski at the same time. She decided her afternoon would be best spent back at the hotel so jumped ship and headed for the bus back. This left me on my own to hit a few blacks. Not in a racist way! Black runs are the expert difficulty. I also managed to get myself over to the run where they ran the downhill for the 1998 olympics. It was steep as hell but lots of fun. I then made my way over to Hasiuke near our hotel as there were some jumps i had seen the day before. I hit the jumps and had a few more runs then decided to call it a day and head back to the hotel. As i was walking up the hill who should i see but Kate just arriving at the hotel. Apparently she had taken the wrong bus and ended up right on the other side of the resort and had to get another bus back.

Must be getting used to the Japanese way of eating as no problem boiling our own dinner tonight of beef, veg, battered chicken, breaded salmon, miso soup, salmon sushi and surprise surprise, more rice. Also had a bowl of pleasant tasting slime which Kate assured me was probably string mushrooms. Back in the room now all packed up and ready to check out in the morning. Watching more NBA on the electric fish tank (TV) and trying really really hard to stay wawke past 8pm. Probably won’t get to post this til I get back to Tokyo and get some decent internet access.

Have had a lot of time to think a lot about home. Mostly when i should be sleeping. I think it’s too early to be missing people but that hasn’t stopped me from giving my small pillow i stole from Lufthansa a pet name. Anyway guys i love you millions. Chat soon.

D

xxxx