Wow, what a day we've had. Crowded House (the very famous NZ band) wrote a song called four seasons in one day about the very changeable NZ weather. Yesterday we woke up to fairly calm, sunny conditions. We had decided to have a nice chilled out morning and sleep off the effects of coming 2nd in the pub quiz and drinking the whole houses content of alcohol from the previous night (causing Catherine to sleep in the garden, where she fell!). We then planned to head to Tutukaka for a spot of lunch then go to Matapouri for a spot of body boarding. We loaded up Biff with our new wet suits and Danny and Catherine. We had borrowed a few body boards from friends and i was really excited about going in the sea again.
We had lunch and noticed that it quite quickly begun to cloud over and spit with rain. No problem, i thought as we were going to get wet anyway. We then drove to stunning Matapouri Beach to go look for the Mermaid pools, which are these secluded deep rock pools which are good for snorkeling in. The walk to them though was treacherous. We had to climb under a huge rock, then shimmy along a thin ledge above a ten foot drop into what was now, quite rough seas. The weather was deteriorating fast and the girls decided to not risk the ledge shimmy and possible death from falling into the wild sea and headed back to the relative calm of the beach. Danny and me pushed on though and did our best impression of rockhopper penguins. We made it to the mermaid pools which I'm sure would've been spectacular if not for the sea thrashing against the rocks and the wind now howling. We tentatively made our way back to the beach to hook up with the girls again.
We watched the waves for a bit then decided to head further up the coast to a better spot called Woolleys Bay. Yep, i travel half way round the world and still can't escape the bloody Woolleys!!
Woolleys Bay was a lot smaller than Matapouri but the waves seemed a lot bigger and there were plenty of them. By the time we got into our wetsuits it was hammering it down. Luckily the water wasn't too cold.
Now i always thought body boarding looked easy. You waited for a wave, lay on your board then glide back to shore as the wave breaks. Well, i wasn't anything like that. First we had to get to the point where the waves were breaking which was only about 50 metres offshore. That was difficult as every time you tried to move you were buffeted by a 4 foot high wall of water. Kate and Catherine stayed closer to shore and managed to ride a few little waves but Danny and i were out for the biggens. I waded out, jumping over waves and getting a nose full of salt water for my efforts. I decided to try and duck under the waves with my board as i have seen surfers do on TV. Not being the most graceful of people my first attempt at diving under a wave was nearly the end of me! A big 6 foot sucker headed straight for me, i held my breath and dived just as the wave broke in front of me. I completely under estimated the strength of the wave which slammed my body board into my face and tumbled me backwards! After a few backward rolls and a second to clear my head i tried to right my self in the surf. Just as i got back to a standing position and broke the surface to take a breath another big sucker slammed into me, pushing me back under. I thought about panicking but was re assured when my feet found the soft sand of the ocean floor. This allowed me to thrust upward and break the surface for a precious gasp of air. Phew, slow painful drowning avoided.
I then composed myself and managed to ride a few waves before getting very tired and heading back to shore. Maybe it was because i narrowly averted death or because i had ridden a few waves but my confidence was high. So high that i tried to do a sort of acid drop on my board in the shallows. A acid drop, for those of you not familiar with skateboarding, is when you run then jump into the air, putting your board under you with your hand then land on it and ride away. I managed to execute it very well but my trailing leg slipped off and dug into the sand whilst my leading leg slid away on the board. This meant performing a sort of funny split type thing, twisting my knee and scrapping it on the shingle below. I hobbled away to the laughs of Kate on the beach who had seen it all and deemed it hilarious.
Having Biff at the beach was a god send because as we all finished the weather was now a huge storm and it allowed us to get changed in relative comfort, warmth and privacy. As we drove home the weather just got worse and worse and by the time we did get home we were in the middle of a full blown monsoon! It was raining hard and the wind was bending trees and blowing the rain sideways! We decided we would leave cleaning Biff til the next day and stay in for a delivered curry.
Tomorrow we are supposed to go on a tree top assault course but i imagine if the weather stays like this we won't be able to. In that case we're heading off to the cinema to watch Slumdog Millionaire which i hear is totally boss!
Take care y'all and beware the offer of body boarding. It's a lot harder than it looks. Especially in a monsoon.
Peace
D
xxxx
Friday 27 February 2009
Thursday 26 February 2009
New Zealand, some differences
OK, so we have been here in the north of NZ for a few weeks now. Again, not really enough time to really know a country but there are some very obvious differences between life here and life back home.
It is very odd being so far from home and everyone speaking English. I sometimes feels that I'm actually not in NZ at all, I'm really in Shepherds Bush. Every time someone speaks to me in a Kiwi accent i have an uncontrollable urge to order some drinks! Although there are far less Kiwi bar staff in London these days. It's actually a very different accent to the one you hear back home which i guess has become a bit Anglo-fied. Nah, the real Kiwi accent is much broader, almost South African, and everyone says either "mate" or "bro" at the start and/or end of each sentence. Example - "Hey mate, how's it all going bro? Sweet as, eh? Hey, you a skater bro?" which was said to me in a skateboard shop yesterday. All very cute.
New Zealand food so far seems awesome. Very English influenced with Fish and chips (although no cod or haddock, it's all snapper or dory) and Pies everywhere but also quite eclectic. We are obviously in the Pacific ocean here and have a lot of Islanders and Asians so there are a lot of Japanese, Korean and Chinese places to eat and not that many curry houses. I've yet to sample a Hangi, which is the Maori way of cooking with a hole in the ground but I'm sure we will at some point. They love there cheese here too (Smoosh cheers!!) and you can have it on everything, it's even in their pies. I had a mince and cheese pie while i was drunk last week and i think it was quite nice!?
No where in NZ is more than 105 miles from the sea so fish is everywhere. But not like in Japan where they are truly obsessed with it, and eat every last bit, even the eggs! Here it's more of the traditional, fillets of fish and no baby octopuses on sticks. They are very environmentally aware here too and regulate all there fishing, unlike Japan.
You can also get milkshakes here. Japan hardly had any. Here though they have some different flavours. You can't get vanilla but you can get lime. Now, lime flavoured milkshake may sound odd and it certainly looks weird (cos it's bright green!) but OMG, it is so nice. Really refreshing on a hot summers day.
Oh, and what a joy to eat New Zealand lamb again. I always remember as a kid seeing NZ lamb everywhere and it was lush. Much nicer than the lamb we get at home.
The beer here is well nice and i love the fact that everyone supports homegrown beer. There is bud and becks but I've not seen anyone buy it. It means that the local beers are really nice. Shame we don't do that at home anymore. Most beers are imported from Europe, USA and Australia and it has meant that UK beer is all now rubbish or difficult to really find. It packs a punch here but to be fair I've not really had a hangover on it yet. Danny reckons it's because they purify it and cut out all the additives and all the rubbish. All good with me.
I've mentioned the scenery but it isn't really that different from back home. It's just so abundant here. At home you have to be in specific parts like Scotland or Cornwall to see the good stuff whereas here it's Scotland or Cornwall around every corner.
There seems to be a lack of deodorant here too! I've never smelt so much bad BO. Especially from the Moari's. It's available, I've seen it in the shops but it just seems hardly any guys here buy it and they reek! We went out the other night and some Maori guy started to hit on Kate. He was on the other side of the dance floor and every time he lifted his arms it was like a meltdown at Chernobyl! Birds were dropping from the skies it was that bad! It just doesn't seem to be high on their agendas. Grim.
The people here though have generally smelt OK and have been really nice. It's all a very laid back sort of culture, which suits me fine and i imagine it is very easy to make friends here. Unlike parts of London where everyone walks with their heads down in fear of looking the wrong way at someone. That always annoyed me. How can you look at someone the wrong way? with your eyes on your elbows? or in the palms of your hands like that creepy monster in Pans Labyrinth? Then yeah, OK i can see that being a problem worthy of a good kicking, but not because you looked at someone for too long or something, or had an air of indifference in your eyes. Stupid London.
Anyway, if i think of anything else I'll let you know. I'm off now to keep discovering. Going body boarding this afternoon. I just hope I'm not harpooned by Japanese fishermen. I'd hate to have my cock served up with rice and seaweed!
Sweet as.
Darrell
xxxx
It is very odd being so far from home and everyone speaking English. I sometimes feels that I'm actually not in NZ at all, I'm really in Shepherds Bush. Every time someone speaks to me in a Kiwi accent i have an uncontrollable urge to order some drinks! Although there are far less Kiwi bar staff in London these days. It's actually a very different accent to the one you hear back home which i guess has become a bit Anglo-fied. Nah, the real Kiwi accent is much broader, almost South African, and everyone says either "mate" or "bro" at the start and/or end of each sentence. Example - "Hey mate, how's it all going bro? Sweet as, eh? Hey, you a skater bro?" which was said to me in a skateboard shop yesterday. All very cute.
New Zealand food so far seems awesome. Very English influenced with Fish and chips (although no cod or haddock, it's all snapper or dory) and Pies everywhere but also quite eclectic. We are obviously in the Pacific ocean here and have a lot of Islanders and Asians so there are a lot of Japanese, Korean and Chinese places to eat and not that many curry houses. I've yet to sample a Hangi, which is the Maori way of cooking with a hole in the ground but I'm sure we will at some point. They love there cheese here too (Smoosh cheers!!) and you can have it on everything, it's even in their pies. I had a mince and cheese pie while i was drunk last week and i think it was quite nice!?
No where in NZ is more than 105 miles from the sea so fish is everywhere. But not like in Japan where they are truly obsessed with it, and eat every last bit, even the eggs! Here it's more of the traditional, fillets of fish and no baby octopuses on sticks. They are very environmentally aware here too and regulate all there fishing, unlike Japan.
You can also get milkshakes here. Japan hardly had any. Here though they have some different flavours. You can't get vanilla but you can get lime. Now, lime flavoured milkshake may sound odd and it certainly looks weird (cos it's bright green!) but OMG, it is so nice. Really refreshing on a hot summers day.
Oh, and what a joy to eat New Zealand lamb again. I always remember as a kid seeing NZ lamb everywhere and it was lush. Much nicer than the lamb we get at home.
The beer here is well nice and i love the fact that everyone supports homegrown beer. There is bud and becks but I've not seen anyone buy it. It means that the local beers are really nice. Shame we don't do that at home anymore. Most beers are imported from Europe, USA and Australia and it has meant that UK beer is all now rubbish or difficult to really find. It packs a punch here but to be fair I've not really had a hangover on it yet. Danny reckons it's because they purify it and cut out all the additives and all the rubbish. All good with me.
I've mentioned the scenery but it isn't really that different from back home. It's just so abundant here. At home you have to be in specific parts like Scotland or Cornwall to see the good stuff whereas here it's Scotland or Cornwall around every corner.
There seems to be a lack of deodorant here too! I've never smelt so much bad BO. Especially from the Moari's. It's available, I've seen it in the shops but it just seems hardly any guys here buy it and they reek! We went out the other night and some Maori guy started to hit on Kate. He was on the other side of the dance floor and every time he lifted his arms it was like a meltdown at Chernobyl! Birds were dropping from the skies it was that bad! It just doesn't seem to be high on their agendas. Grim.
The people here though have generally smelt OK and have been really nice. It's all a very laid back sort of culture, which suits me fine and i imagine it is very easy to make friends here. Unlike parts of London where everyone walks with their heads down in fear of looking the wrong way at someone. That always annoyed me. How can you look at someone the wrong way? with your eyes on your elbows? or in the palms of your hands like that creepy monster in Pans Labyrinth? Then yeah, OK i can see that being a problem worthy of a good kicking, but not because you looked at someone for too long or something, or had an air of indifference in your eyes. Stupid London.
Anyway, if i think of anything else I'll let you know. I'm off now to keep discovering. Going body boarding this afternoon. I just hope I'm not harpooned by Japanese fishermen. I'd hate to have my cock served up with rice and seaweed!
Sweet as.
Darrell
xxxx
Tuesday 24 February 2009
Biffs first test
So we left Auckland, finally. Although I totally loved it and can see why it consistently appears high in "the best city to live in" poll (which I believe Vancouver usually tops) but it is just another big city. Same sort of thing as say, London or New York with it’s hustle and bustle and just way too many people. It soon got tiresome hearing people roll out of the bar across the street at 5am and whooping and hollering. God that makes me sound old but believe me, it got old very fast.
So we were quite keen to load up Biff, hit the road and head up to see our mates in Whangarei. It was about a 165km drive and our first real test for Biff. We weren’t anxious but when a van is as old as Biff is there’s no telling what can go wrong. I must admit, being a pessimist, that I half expected Biffs engine to fall out as we were driving up some of the steeper hills on the way. Thankfully Biff did his job well and seemed to handle the hills quite well considering, with all our gear in him, he now weighs over 3 tons! The drive up was amazing. Almost as soon as we left Aucklands sprawling city limits we were up in the hills surrounded by lush green rainforest's before hitting the coastal road and it all flattening out and we could see the impressive formation of the Whangarei Heads of in the distance. I must admit that Biff is so easy to drive. He doesn’t have such luxuries such as Air con or power steering, and to be fair he rolls like a boat when you take a corner but it was a joy just cruising along at around 80kph. Managed to get him up to 110kph and could have gone faster downhill but he’s certainly built for comfort, not speed – just like me really! It is like trying to park the Isle of Wight though but I’m sure we will get used to it.
Amazingly Kate remembered the way to Danny and Catherines in Onerahi, which is one of the suburbs of Whangarei. It was great to see them again and their house is gorgeous. It’s like an old white plantation style house perched on top of a hill overlooking Whangarei harbour. It has 4 bedrooms so there is plenty of room for us. We dumped our gear and as it was such a lovely day we headed straight to the beach. Danny drove us to Ocean Beach and I got my first real look at the southern Pacific. The beach, by NZ standards, was packed!! With over 20 people on it! These Kiwis don’t know what a packed beach is. We wandered along the beach, Kate and Catherine in their elements, what with them both being marine biologists. Danny and me climbed up on the steep cliffs and were greeted with an amazing view down the coast. Vivid green hills rolling down to gorgeous white sands and clear azure ocean. Certainly beats Bognor Regis! We headed back and stopped at a pub for a beer and some lunch. We sat in the beer garden which was on the estuary and watched gulls, terns and herons. The Quays in Mychett looks like it overlooks a rubbish tip in comparison!
We got back, got changed then headed out to downtown Whangarei to meet a few of Danny and Catherines friends for a meal. We had Italian then meet up with a few more mates in a few bars. Whangarei doesn’t have a thriving club scene like Auckland but it had plenty of bars and some decent live bands. Everyone we met was really friendly. I left one of the pubs with my camera and tried to take some pics of the outside but gave up when loads of randoms kept waving at me and posing for the pictures.
The next day we drove north to Baylys Beach and to go and see the huge Kauri trees in Waipoua (not sure on that spelling) forest. Baylys beach was again packed with over 6 people there! I can get used to these packed beaches. The Kauri forest was stunning! It’s so bizarre seeing the sea, green rolling hills and dense rainforest all within 10 minutes of each other. We stopped to see Tane Mahutu which is the Maori name for a big ass Kauri tree. It meant God of the Forest and as the name suggests he was a pretty big tree. 16.5m wide trunk and 55m tall! Kauri trees are the 2nd biggest, after the great redwood sequoias of north America. It’s one of the reason NZ became colonised so quickly as Kauri wood is super strong and perfect for building huge boats.
The next day was a day we had been looking forward to for a while. We were going to go snorkeling in the Poor Knights Marine Reserve off the Tutukaka coast just north of Whangarei. Our trip was called the perfect day and it didn’t disappoint. I thought that it was a big claim calling it the perfect day and worried that we would be left wanting. We got onto our boat which was huge and again, by NZ standards, packed with over 25 people! The boat was big enough to hold 100 so we had plenty of space to spread ourselves out. The boat trip to the islands was just under an hour. The islands have a marine protection perimeter of 800 metres and once you get into the reserve you have to behave. No peeing, pooing, touching, splashing or anything or you can get fined $250,000 and get locked up for 6 months! We moored up in a secluded bay, grabbed our wetsuits, snorkels and fins and were off! The best thing about the poor knights is the diversity of fish and coral, probably why it is considered one the the top ten dive sites in the world. We snorkeled into caves and under arches with thousands of tame fish no more than a few centimetres from your face! Danny summed it up well by saying it was like swimming through jelly tots! We saw some big King fish, eagle rays and a strange blue fish which my marine biologist friends still can’t find the name of. I reckoned we have found a new species and put forward that we should call it an Orangutan tit fish as it had floppy pectoral fins. The girls vetoed it though. It wasn’t until we got out that the skipper informed us that a few snorkelers had seen some pretty big sharks over by one of the arches we were snorkeling near. I declined the offer of going back in to see them. Screw that!!
We then headed into Rikoriko cave which is the largest sea cave in the world and has amazing acoustics. Lots of famous people have recorded music in it and it even hid a marauding Japanese submarine during the second world war! Ended the day with a BBQ back at the house and to be fair, it was a pretty good day. Not perfect. That would have involved dolphins and some form of oral sex (not from the dolphin though). A pretty damn good day though!
Yesterday Danny and Catherine had to go back to work and left Kate and me to fend for ourselves. We spent the day Pimping out Biff. We packed all our clothes and crap into his tons of storage cubby holes and then gave him a wash inside and out. We added a few things like a fan and stuck down a few little rattly bits. We then stuck loads of stickers on him and window jellies to brighten him up. Kate had to have lots of penguin and seahorse jellies and we also put some flower jellies on too. All looked pretty good and certainly livened up the inside. We have a few more bits and bobs to do today then we’re gonna head off to Whangarei falls which are the most photographed waterfalls in NZ.
I’ll let you know how we get on. Miss you all lots. Have been trying to upload some pics to this blog but it's being a dick and won't let me. You'll just have to look at my Facebook pics.
D
XXXX
So we were quite keen to load up Biff, hit the road and head up to see our mates in Whangarei. It was about a 165km drive and our first real test for Biff. We weren’t anxious but when a van is as old as Biff is there’s no telling what can go wrong. I must admit, being a pessimist, that I half expected Biffs engine to fall out as we were driving up some of the steeper hills on the way. Thankfully Biff did his job well and seemed to handle the hills quite well considering, with all our gear in him, he now weighs over 3 tons! The drive up was amazing. Almost as soon as we left Aucklands sprawling city limits we were up in the hills surrounded by lush green rainforest's before hitting the coastal road and it all flattening out and we could see the impressive formation of the Whangarei Heads of in the distance. I must admit that Biff is so easy to drive. He doesn’t have such luxuries such as Air con or power steering, and to be fair he rolls like a boat when you take a corner but it was a joy just cruising along at around 80kph. Managed to get him up to 110kph and could have gone faster downhill but he’s certainly built for comfort, not speed – just like me really! It is like trying to park the Isle of Wight though but I’m sure we will get used to it.
Amazingly Kate remembered the way to Danny and Catherines in Onerahi, which is one of the suburbs of Whangarei. It was great to see them again and their house is gorgeous. It’s like an old white plantation style house perched on top of a hill overlooking Whangarei harbour. It has 4 bedrooms so there is plenty of room for us. We dumped our gear and as it was such a lovely day we headed straight to the beach. Danny drove us to Ocean Beach and I got my first real look at the southern Pacific. The beach, by NZ standards, was packed!! With over 20 people on it! These Kiwis don’t know what a packed beach is. We wandered along the beach, Kate and Catherine in their elements, what with them both being marine biologists. Danny and me climbed up on the steep cliffs and were greeted with an amazing view down the coast. Vivid green hills rolling down to gorgeous white sands and clear azure ocean. Certainly beats Bognor Regis! We headed back and stopped at a pub for a beer and some lunch. We sat in the beer garden which was on the estuary and watched gulls, terns and herons. The Quays in Mychett looks like it overlooks a rubbish tip in comparison!
We got back, got changed then headed out to downtown Whangarei to meet a few of Danny and Catherines friends for a meal. We had Italian then meet up with a few more mates in a few bars. Whangarei doesn’t have a thriving club scene like Auckland but it had plenty of bars and some decent live bands. Everyone we met was really friendly. I left one of the pubs with my camera and tried to take some pics of the outside but gave up when loads of randoms kept waving at me and posing for the pictures.
The next day we drove north to Baylys Beach and to go and see the huge Kauri trees in Waipoua (not sure on that spelling) forest. Baylys beach was again packed with over 6 people there! I can get used to these packed beaches. The Kauri forest was stunning! It’s so bizarre seeing the sea, green rolling hills and dense rainforest all within 10 minutes of each other. We stopped to see Tane Mahutu which is the Maori name for a big ass Kauri tree. It meant God of the Forest and as the name suggests he was a pretty big tree. 16.5m wide trunk and 55m tall! Kauri trees are the 2nd biggest, after the great redwood sequoias of north America. It’s one of the reason NZ became colonised so quickly as Kauri wood is super strong and perfect for building huge boats.
The next day was a day we had been looking forward to for a while. We were going to go snorkeling in the Poor Knights Marine Reserve off the Tutukaka coast just north of Whangarei. Our trip was called the perfect day and it didn’t disappoint. I thought that it was a big claim calling it the perfect day and worried that we would be left wanting. We got onto our boat which was huge and again, by NZ standards, packed with over 25 people! The boat was big enough to hold 100 so we had plenty of space to spread ourselves out. The boat trip to the islands was just under an hour. The islands have a marine protection perimeter of 800 metres and once you get into the reserve you have to behave. No peeing, pooing, touching, splashing or anything or you can get fined $250,000 and get locked up for 6 months! We moored up in a secluded bay, grabbed our wetsuits, snorkels and fins and were off! The best thing about the poor knights is the diversity of fish and coral, probably why it is considered one the the top ten dive sites in the world. We snorkeled into caves and under arches with thousands of tame fish no more than a few centimetres from your face! Danny summed it up well by saying it was like swimming through jelly tots! We saw some big King fish, eagle rays and a strange blue fish which my marine biologist friends still can’t find the name of. I reckoned we have found a new species and put forward that we should call it an Orangutan tit fish as it had floppy pectoral fins. The girls vetoed it though. It wasn’t until we got out that the skipper informed us that a few snorkelers had seen some pretty big sharks over by one of the arches we were snorkeling near. I declined the offer of going back in to see them. Screw that!!
We then headed into Rikoriko cave which is the largest sea cave in the world and has amazing acoustics. Lots of famous people have recorded music in it and it even hid a marauding Japanese submarine during the second world war! Ended the day with a BBQ back at the house and to be fair, it was a pretty good day. Not perfect. That would have involved dolphins and some form of oral sex (not from the dolphin though). A pretty damn good day though!
Yesterday Danny and Catherine had to go back to work and left Kate and me to fend for ourselves. We spent the day Pimping out Biff. We packed all our clothes and crap into his tons of storage cubby holes and then gave him a wash inside and out. We added a few things like a fan and stuck down a few little rattly bits. We then stuck loads of stickers on him and window jellies to brighten him up. Kate had to have lots of penguin and seahorse jellies and we also put some flower jellies on too. All looked pretty good and certainly livened up the inside. We have a few more bits and bobs to do today then we’re gonna head off to Whangarei falls which are the most photographed waterfalls in NZ.
I’ll let you know how we get on. Miss you all lots. Have been trying to upload some pics to this blog but it's being a dick and won't let me. You'll just have to look at my Facebook pics.
D
XXXX
Thursday 19 February 2009
Introducing Biff
So after a long arduous labour i am pleased to introduce the lastest member to our family............Biff Brooks. He came into our lives at 10.34am on Friday the 20th of Feb, 2009. He weighs 2760kgs. Both Mum and Biff are doing fine.
We have a campervan! Finally. Picked up our not so little Biff thi
s morning from his previous home in Highland Park, which is a district of Auckland. He is massive!! We had to get a big ass van just to put all Kates shoes in. Nah, he is fully tooled up with a fridge, a microwave, hot and cold running water, a sofa and chair which fold out into a bed and of course, tons of storage. After we picked him up we took him out a little drive, ya know, to get to know him. We stopped off for lunch and to buy some essentials (plates, pillow, duvet, those sorts of things). We got back to Biff and started filling all his drawers and cubby holes with all
new gear when Kate asked me what that noise was? She said it sounded like running water. Now it was absolutely pissing down outside so i just assumed it was the rain. But no, Biff had wet himself!! Maybe he was anxious about having new parents but for some reason the hot water pipe had disconnected and was emptying itself all over the back of the van! Steaming hot water gushing everywhere. Managed to jam the pipes back together and clean up Biffs little accident. Kate is now sure we have bought a lemon but it was an easy fix and nothing was damaged, except Biffs pride.
s morning from his previous home in Highland Park, which is a district of Auckland. He is massive!! We had to get a big ass van just to put all Kates shoes in. Nah, he is fully tooled up with a fridge, a microwave, hot and cold running water, a sofa and chair which fold out into a bed and of course, tons of storage. After we picked him up we took him out a little drive, ya know, to get to know him. We stopped off for lunch and to buy some essentials (plates, pillow, duvet, those sorts of things). We got back to Biff and started filling all his drawers and cubby holes with all
new gear when Kate asked me what that noise was? She said it sounded like running water. Now it was absolutely pissing down outside so i just assumed it was the rain. But no, Biff had wet himself!! Maybe he was anxious about having new parents but for some reason the hot water pipe had disconnected and was emptying itself all over the back of the van! Steaming hot water gushing everywhere. Managed to jam the pipes back together and clean up Biffs little accident. Kate is now sure we have bought a lemon but it was an easy fix and nothing was damaged, except Biffs pride.We then went for a drive down to the coast to watch the boats bu
t as the weather was shocking we just sat in Biff and looked through his service history and started customizing him with stickers. He has had a lot of work done but as Kate pointed out, his is 18 years old. Hopefully that won't mean he'll be out all hours of the night then will sneak home stinking of alcohol, telling us he has gotten a mini cooper pregnant! I'm sure he'll be well behaved (famous last words!)
t as the weather was shocking we just sat in Biff and looked through his service history and started customizing him with stickers. He has had a lot of work done but as Kate pointed out, his is 18 years old. Hopefully that won't mean he'll be out all hours of the night then will sneak home stinking of alcohol, telling us he has gotten a mini cooper pregnant! I'm sure he'll be well behaved (famous last words!)So we leave Auckland tomorrow and head up to Whangarei to see Derby Danny and Catherine. Can't wait! We're gonna be spending about a week there which will give us plenty of time to explore, go snorkelling and finish pimping out Biff. I tried to convince Kate that he needs spinning hub caps but she's not having it.
So will update you all soon.
Peace
D
xxxx
Road trip for nothing
So we have a hire car at the moment so we can drive around the sprawling suburbs of Auckland looking for a Biff (campervan) which will be our mobile home for the next year. We looked at a few vans yesterday but the selection in our price range is limited so we decided to look further a field. To quote Finch from American Pie “God bless the internet” which is making this possible for us to find these vans. One that looked particularly nice was being sold in a town called Tokeroa. Now on the map it didn’t look too far but due to the fact that New Zealand doesn’t really have motorways, it was a 6 hour round trip. Well, we didn’t have anything else planned and have unlimited mileage on the car so we thought we’d go for a look.
We struggled our way out of the city through the traffic and hit the relative calm of highway 1. Well, it would have been calm except for the constant road noise! It seems roads in New Zealand are coated with a kind of tarmac that sounds like driving over a cheese grater. No joke it was literally like sleeping inside a jet engine……..on a building site where the workmen are using pneumatic drills………..and are being hit with tambourines by Howler monkeys…………..who are playing electric guitars with their Marshall amps turned up to 11!! OK OK, so that may be an exaggeration but believe me, it was frickin loud. Not usually a problem if you can turn up the radio but, maybe due to the hills, no station broadcasted for longer than 10 minutes before it all turned to static. No real loss to be fair as it seemed all radio stations here broadcast from the inside of a tunnel making the presenters all sounded like butch lesbians with cardboard boxes over their heads! All quite bizarre. Thank god I brought my ipod for the rest of our travels.
Thank god then for the scenery. The Lonely Planet, the well known travel guide, not to be confused with The Lonely Island – who wrote the awesome “Jizz in my pants!” song, recently claimed that the UK is the most scenic island in the world. I agree on some levels. I have not travelled the length and breadth of the UK but I’ve seen enough to say that we do live in a totally stunning little corner of the world. That said, I’m not sure The Lonely Planet must’ve paid much attention in New Zealand. We only drove 3 hours out of Auckland and were amazed by the scenery in places. It is difficult to describe, and a camera just won’t do it justice. It reminded me of parts of Wales, mixed with the Highlands of Scotland with a hint of the Lake District. All mingled in with teletubby land and Jurassic park! It’s so green and there is just so much vegetation. We passed beautiful rivers and rolling green hills and we’re not even in the scenic parts yet! I just can’t wait to get our van and explore the rest of the country.
So, we made it to Tokeroa and were thoroughly disappointed with the van we saw. Well over priced for it’s condition, no character and a old smelly diesel engine. We took it for a test drive and as I feared with it’s old diesel engine, it really struggled up the mellow hills around the town, there was no way it would cope in the southern Alps of the South Island. We soon sacked the idea and headed back to Auckland. We had seen another van last night and although we were initially sceptical about a private sale, we’ve made the guy an offer and he accepted. Yay!! So if all goes to plan we are picking up Biff on Friday morning. Just in time to leave Auckland and drive up to see Derby Danny and Catherine in Whangerei (pronounced Fongeray).
So, will post a few pics of our new addition after we pick him up and when we get to Danny and Catherines. Very excited. Just have all the fun stuff like sorting out insurance to do now. Yay!
Peace
D
XXXX
We struggled our way out of the city through the traffic and hit the relative calm of highway 1. Well, it would have been calm except for the constant road noise! It seems roads in New Zealand are coated with a kind of tarmac that sounds like driving over a cheese grater. No joke it was literally like sleeping inside a jet engine……..on a building site where the workmen are using pneumatic drills………..and are being hit with tambourines by Howler monkeys…………..who are playing electric guitars with their Marshall amps turned up to 11!! OK OK, so that may be an exaggeration but believe me, it was frickin loud. Not usually a problem if you can turn up the radio but, maybe due to the hills, no station broadcasted for longer than 10 minutes before it all turned to static. No real loss to be fair as it seemed all radio stations here broadcast from the inside of a tunnel making the presenters all sounded like butch lesbians with cardboard boxes over their heads! All quite bizarre. Thank god I brought my ipod for the rest of our travels.
Thank god then for the scenery. The Lonely Planet, the well known travel guide, not to be confused with The Lonely Island – who wrote the awesome “Jizz in my pants!” song, recently claimed that the UK is the most scenic island in the world. I agree on some levels. I have not travelled the length and breadth of the UK but I’ve seen enough to say that we do live in a totally stunning little corner of the world. That said, I’m not sure The Lonely Planet must’ve paid much attention in New Zealand. We only drove 3 hours out of Auckland and were amazed by the scenery in places. It is difficult to describe, and a camera just won’t do it justice. It reminded me of parts of Wales, mixed with the Highlands of Scotland with a hint of the Lake District. All mingled in with teletubby land and Jurassic park! It’s so green and there is just so much vegetation. We passed beautiful rivers and rolling green hills and we’re not even in the scenic parts yet! I just can’t wait to get our van and explore the rest of the country.
So, we made it to Tokeroa and were thoroughly disappointed with the van we saw. Well over priced for it’s condition, no character and a old smelly diesel engine. We took it for a test drive and as I feared with it’s old diesel engine, it really struggled up the mellow hills around the town, there was no way it would cope in the southern Alps of the South Island. We soon sacked the idea and headed back to Auckland. We had seen another van last night and although we were initially sceptical about a private sale, we’ve made the guy an offer and he accepted. Yay!! So if all goes to plan we are picking up Biff on Friday morning. Just in time to leave Auckland and drive up to see Derby Danny and Catherine in Whangerei (pronounced Fongeray).
So, will post a few pics of our new addition after we pick him up and when we get to Danny and Catherines. Very excited. Just have all the fun stuff like sorting out insurance to do now. Yay!
Peace
D
XXXX
Sunday 15 February 2009
Stunning Waiheke island
Just got back from our first trip out of the city and also had the best weather we've had since we arrived. Had a cruise over to Waiheke island which is a large island (25 x 20 kms) with a population of 8500. 
It was an awesome cruise over with some great views back toward downtown Auckland, and also across the water to some of the smaller islands and other districts of Auckland. They call Auckland the city of sails, and you can see why. It seemed everyone was on the water. We saw boats of all sizes, catamarans and guys whizzing around on jet skis. The water was an amazing tropical green colour and very clear.
It was an awesome cruise over with some great views back toward downtown Auckland, and also across the water to some of the smaller islands and other districts of Auckland. They call Auckland the city of sails, and you can see why. It seemed everyone was on the water. We saw boats of all sizes, catamarans and guys whizzing around on jet skis. The water was an amazing tropical green colour and very clear.It took around 45 minutes to get over to the island and as it was on
ly a small place we decided to get a 90 minute bus tour. It was great. The bus took us through the small towns and past vineyards but also took us up to amazing lookout points around the island so i could fulfill my urge to photograph anything that moved. One such place was overlooking an area called "Nudey beach" which is New Zealands only legal nudist beach. As hard as i tried though, i couldn't get a good look! It would've probably only be filled with overweight Germans anyway! Why is it that no fit people get into naturism? I've only ever nudey sunbathed once (in my garden, much to Kates despair!) and of course appeared naked and painted blue on national TV but i've never been to a nudist beach. I have seen them on TV though and everyone always just seems old, overweight and/or 
German. I can totally see the appeal of the air whistling against your twig and giggle berries, but it would surely be better if there was a chance you could see a hot girl instead of some old bird with her nipples below her belly button or some wrinkly balled old guy playing volleyball? Maybe they only allow old swamp donkeys into these places to prevent all the guys getting embarrassing stiffys! So, after much deliberation i decided to give "Nudey beach" a wide berth.
ly a small place we decided to get a 90 minute bus tour. It was great. The bus took us through the small towns and past vineyards but also took us up to amazing lookout points around the island so i could fulfill my urge to photograph anything that moved. One such place was overlooking an area called "Nudey beach" which is New Zealands only legal nudist beach. As hard as i tried though, i couldn't get a good look! It would've probably only be filled with overweight Germans anyway! Why is it that no fit people get into naturism? I've only ever nudey sunbathed once (in my garden, much to Kates despair!) and of course appeared naked and painted blue on national TV but i've never been to a nudist beach. I have seen them on TV though and everyone always just seems old, overweight and/or 
German. I can totally see the appeal of the air whistling against your twig and giggle berries, but it would surely be better if there was a chance you could see a hot girl instead of some old bird with her nipples below her belly button or some wrinkly balled old guy playing volleyball? Maybe they only allow old swamp donkeys into these places to prevent all the guys getting embarrassing stiffys! So, after much deliberation i decided to give "Nudey beach" a wide berth.It didn't matter though as it seemed that around every corner of Waiheke was a another stunning isolated beach to occupy me. We stopped of
f in the main town of Oneroa (Long beach) for a spot of lunch and went to stroll along the beach. We found some little rock pools and Kate was in her element (being a marine biologist and all). We watched little shrimps and hermit crab busy their selves in their little rock pools and enjoyed the amazing scenery which got a little spoilt by some dude nudist sun bathing! He had a little pouch covering his modesty but it didn't. As we strolled past i couldn't help but look and notice one of his nads poking out! Gross! Oh, they call hair removal cream Nads over here! Made me laugh!
We wondered back to the ferry port under the scorching sun. I was a bit worried as although we had sun screen on New Zealand is right under that hole in the ozone layer that all eco-warriors go on about. It means that you can get burnt even if it's not sunny and that NZ has the highest rates of skin cancer in the world. This is worrying news, especially for Kate who gets burnt from just reading the Sun newspaper!! I'm sure she could strike a match and get a tan from it!
f in the main town of Oneroa (Long beach) for a spot of lunch and went to stroll along the beach. We found some little rock pools and Kate was in her element (being a marine biologist and all). We watched little shrimps and hermit crab busy their selves in their little rock pools and enjoyed the amazing scenery which got a little spoilt by some dude nudist sun bathing! He had a little pouch covering his modesty but it didn't. As we strolled past i couldn't help but look and notice one of his nads poking out! Gross! Oh, they call hair removal cream Nads over here! Made me laugh!We wondered back to the ferry port under the scorching sun. I was a bit worried as although we had sun screen on New Zealand is right under that hole in the ozone layer that all eco-warriors go on about. It means that you can get burnt even if it's not sunny and that NZ has the highest rates of skin cancer in the world. This is worrying news, especially for Kate who gets burnt from just reading the Sun newspaper!! I'm sure she could strike a match and get a tan from it!
The crossing back was uneventful. We got back to our room, sho
wered then waited for dusk. We then went up the 220m sky tower to see the sun set over the city. It was very pretty but not the best sun set i have seen. It was great to see how green the city is and to get an amazing view of the harbour and the distant islands. It was high, not as high as say the CN tower in Toronto but that said, i can't believe that Kate jumped off it the last time she was here! She said she wouldn't do it again. I think she was drunk or something. You know Kate, it's possible.
wered then waited for dusk. We then went up the 220m sky tower to see the sun set over the city. It was very pretty but not the best sun set i have seen. It was great to see how green the city is and to get an amazing view of the harbour and the distant islands. It was high, not as high as say the CN tower in Toronto but that said, i can't believe that Kate jumped off it the last time she was here! She said she wouldn't do it again. I think she was drunk or something. You know Kate, it's possible.So we are planning to get a car and try and sort out getting our campervan over the next few days. I'm also hoping to put some pics on Facebook but although the Internet is widely available, it's bloody pricey to upload anything! We'll see.
Anyway guys, hope all is well at home? Take care y'all.
Peace
D
XXXX
HEY YOU GUYS!!
Well, we’ve been here in Auckland for a few days now. It really is a busy little city. Well, it’s technically the fourth largest (area, not population) city in the world. I’m not sure how just over a million people take up so much space. Probably because there aren’t that many tall buildings, not like New York or Toronto. It’s a real mix of different cultures. There’s Brits, Kiwis, Maori, Japanese, Chinese, Korean and unfortunately quite a few Germans, sigh.
We had our orientation session yesterday with the organisation that helped us come over, IEP. It was a three-hour chat and to be honest I wasn’t looking forward to it. My worst fear was confirmed when they asked us for our passports to go photocopy our visas and the only other commonwealth passports were two Canadian girls. The rest of the group, apart from a couple from Belgium, were all bloody German. Not too bad I thought, I could always impress them with my knowledge of airport sex shops that I learnt from my very brief time in Munich. It was quite a big group of about 20 or so but my face dropped when the guy taking the session said we all had to stand and go and chat to a complete stranger for the next 5 minutes. Well, most of the Germans talked amongst themselves except for a few single guys who bee lined it straight for the two pretty Canadian girls. I contemplated just pretending I didn’t know Kate and we would then chat about what we were gonna buy for dinner later on but this strange looking German guy came over and introduced himself. Within a nanosecond I had forgotten his name, mainly due to the fact that he looked like Eddie Munster and Gollums love child that had been dropped on his head as a baby! I half expected the first words he said to be “Hey you guys!” or “Sloth love Chunk!” We made small talk for a while before the awkward silences began. I got a little worried as the German circus freak just stood there staring like he was trying to read my aura or detect the very sense of my being! We were rescued before he could suck out my soul by the guy taking the session who told us all to sit back down and he would carry on. Phew.
We watched a few videos glamorising New Zealand but to be fair it wasn’t anything I hadn’t seen before. In fact the only thing of any real interest was how we open a bank account and get our tax number and how to get vehicles checked before you buy them. New Zealand has a weird law where any fines like parking or speeding tickets are attached to the car and not the driver! In theory then, you can buy a car and it has hundreds of pounds of speeding fines on it, which you then become liable for. Stupid law if you ask me. Am tempted to rag the arse of my hire car, get loads of speeding tickets, park upside down on the sidewalk and run over an old granny! Then hand the car back and let the next guy deal with it.
So we spent yesterday afternoon sorting out all the boring stuff like bank accounts then headed down to the harbour for a wee drink. Meaning a small drink, not a drink of wee, by the way. We found a nice little bar on the waterfront and were very pleased to discover it was happy hour. We only intended to stop for one as we had to still sort some stuff out with our English bank accounts that night (UK banks will only transfer money between 9am and 5pm GMT) but ended up getting absolutely twatted!! We staggered back to our apartment and got online to transfer our money. I woke up this morning and suddenly remembered my drunken attempt to transfer thousands of pounds into my new NZ account. Fuck knows where that money will end up! Some little old lady is probably gonna check her account next week and be $10,000 better off! Hopefully it’ll be the granny I run over in my hire car, karma.
No, hopefully it’ll will all be fine but I strongly recommend not trying to transfer shed loads of cash half way around the world after 10 pints of Tui (NZ Lager) and a few Heinekens!!
Dodged a hangover though so not all bad. Decided I would treat myself today. Kate had asked the guitarist in the bar last night (who was very good) where was a good guitar shop in Auckland. So on his recommendation we headed uptown. It was all wet and rainy today and I didn’t have a jacket so ended up buying myself a bright red North face rain coat which was way cheaper than back home. Then we made it up to Music Planet and I sat trying out guitars for the next hour or so and chatting to the English guy in the shop. Was so different from UK guitar shops where there is a sense of smugness from all the guys who work in them. This guy actually sat down with me and jammed! It put me right off! I have only ever played guitar with someone else once and that was years ago. Needless to say I ended up buying a cheapo little black guitar which I was thoroughly impressed with.
We then headed back via Victoria Park market and had a walk along the harbour front looking at all the massive yachts. There was a regatta going on but as it was still raining we just headed back.
I am really loving it here so far. Everyone is really nice and they all speak English, even ze Germans, which is such a welcome relief after a week in Japan. The only thing I have found annoying so far is the pedestrian crossings, which all sound like a spaceship is shooting at you when it’s time to cross. I’m tempted to duck, roll and weave my way across the road commando style shouting “INCOMING!” Any annoyance though is quickly forgotten due to the fact that it’s summer here. Yes it rained today but for the last few days it’s been great again seeing cute girls walking about with next to nothing on. I love summer. Oh, enjoy the snow UK! Ha ha ha (evil cackle).
Still haven’t sorted out a Biff (our campervan). We’ve had a look at some online but until we get our money sorted there’s no real point going to have a look. So have all that to look forward to. We’re hopefully gonna go on a cruise to Waiheke island tomorrow which is not far from Auckland and apparently is beautiful and full of laid back little villages. Should be good, and hopefully miles away from Eddie Munster!
Peace
D
xxxx
We had our orientation session yesterday with the organisation that helped us come over, IEP. It was a three-hour chat and to be honest I wasn’t looking forward to it. My worst fear was confirmed when they asked us for our passports to go photocopy our visas and the only other commonwealth passports were two Canadian girls. The rest of the group, apart from a couple from Belgium, were all bloody German. Not too bad I thought, I could always impress them with my knowledge of airport sex shops that I learnt from my very brief time in Munich. It was quite a big group of about 20 or so but my face dropped when the guy taking the session said we all had to stand and go and chat to a complete stranger for the next 5 minutes. Well, most of the Germans talked amongst themselves except for a few single guys who bee lined it straight for the two pretty Canadian girls. I contemplated just pretending I didn’t know Kate and we would then chat about what we were gonna buy for dinner later on but this strange looking German guy came over and introduced himself. Within a nanosecond I had forgotten his name, mainly due to the fact that he looked like Eddie Munster and Gollums love child that had been dropped on his head as a baby! I half expected the first words he said to be “Hey you guys!” or “Sloth love Chunk!” We made small talk for a while before the awkward silences began. I got a little worried as the German circus freak just stood there staring like he was trying to read my aura or detect the very sense of my being! We were rescued before he could suck out my soul by the guy taking the session who told us all to sit back down and he would carry on. Phew.
We watched a few videos glamorising New Zealand but to be fair it wasn’t anything I hadn’t seen before. In fact the only thing of any real interest was how we open a bank account and get our tax number and how to get vehicles checked before you buy them. New Zealand has a weird law where any fines like parking or speeding tickets are attached to the car and not the driver! In theory then, you can buy a car and it has hundreds of pounds of speeding fines on it, which you then become liable for. Stupid law if you ask me. Am tempted to rag the arse of my hire car, get loads of speeding tickets, park upside down on the sidewalk and run over an old granny! Then hand the car back and let the next guy deal with it.
So we spent yesterday afternoon sorting out all the boring stuff like bank accounts then headed down to the harbour for a wee drink. Meaning a small drink, not a drink of wee, by the way. We found a nice little bar on the waterfront and were very pleased to discover it was happy hour. We only intended to stop for one as we had to still sort some stuff out with our English bank accounts that night (UK banks will only transfer money between 9am and 5pm GMT) but ended up getting absolutely twatted!! We staggered back to our apartment and got online to transfer our money. I woke up this morning and suddenly remembered my drunken attempt to transfer thousands of pounds into my new NZ account. Fuck knows where that money will end up! Some little old lady is probably gonna check her account next week and be $10,000 better off! Hopefully it’ll be the granny I run over in my hire car, karma.
No, hopefully it’ll will all be fine but I strongly recommend not trying to transfer shed loads of cash half way around the world after 10 pints of Tui (NZ Lager) and a few Heinekens!!
Dodged a hangover though so not all bad. Decided I would treat myself today. Kate had asked the guitarist in the bar last night (who was very good) where was a good guitar shop in Auckland. So on his recommendation we headed uptown. It was all wet and rainy today and I didn’t have a jacket so ended up buying myself a bright red North face rain coat which was way cheaper than back home. Then we made it up to Music Planet and I sat trying out guitars for the next hour or so and chatting to the English guy in the shop. Was so different from UK guitar shops where there is a sense of smugness from all the guys who work in them. This guy actually sat down with me and jammed! It put me right off! I have only ever played guitar with someone else once and that was years ago. Needless to say I ended up buying a cheapo little black guitar which I was thoroughly impressed with.
We then headed back via Victoria Park market and had a walk along the harbour front looking at all the massive yachts. There was a regatta going on but as it was still raining we just headed back.
I am really loving it here so far. Everyone is really nice and they all speak English, even ze Germans, which is such a welcome relief after a week in Japan. The only thing I have found annoying so far is the pedestrian crossings, which all sound like a spaceship is shooting at you when it’s time to cross. I’m tempted to duck, roll and weave my way across the road commando style shouting “INCOMING!” Any annoyance though is quickly forgotten due to the fact that it’s summer here. Yes it rained today but for the last few days it’s been great again seeing cute girls walking about with next to nothing on. I love summer. Oh, enjoy the snow UK! Ha ha ha (evil cackle).
Still haven’t sorted out a Biff (our campervan). We’ve had a look at some online but until we get our money sorted there’s no real point going to have a look. So have all that to look forward to. We’re hopefully gonna go on a cruise to Waiheke island tomorrow which is not far from Auckland and apparently is beautiful and full of laid back little villages. Should be good, and hopefully miles away from Eddie Munster!
Peace
D
xxxx
Wednesday 11 February 2009
Kia Ora from Auckland
Hey guys, We made it to New Zealand, finally. And man is it hot here!!
Our journey was pretty straight forward. We had a night flight so i thought i'd get some sleep and wake up all refreshed for a new day in Auckland. However, still being 6 foot 3 (I was kinda hoping spending some time in Japan might shrink me) there was no chance as i still had my bloody knees around my ears! So never slept but did manage to watch 6 and a half films!! Air New Zealand have wicked little entertainment systems on the seat backs. You can watch tons of movies, TV, listen to a huge selection of music or play videogames to while away the tedium. As we flew in to Christchurch on the south island we had spectacular views of the southern alps and the stark contrasts of the greens and yellows of dormant pastures. It was beautiful.
We only had a brief stopover in Christchurch but it gave me enough time to purchase my first (and new favourite) thing in NZ. It was a Flight of the Conchords t-shirt which says "Eat. Sleep. Folk." It's way cool!!
We got back on the plane for the brief flight up to Auckland. From the plane you could really see the differences between the north and south islands. The area around Auckland is very green with lots of hills and lakes. We got all our baggage (hurray!) and went and got our complimentary bus into the city. We got off the bus and had a short walk to our accomodation on Gore street in the heart of downtown. We got quite a few strange looks. I mean who wouldn't? Two people lugging skis down the street in 25 degree weather.
We got to our room and damn near collapsed from exhaustion. We are not snobs but i am so glad we didn't do the hostel thing. It was so nice to have our own, modern, well equipped (We have a washing machine/dryer and a swish little dishwasher) little space and not have tons of people around to bother us. Ah, the shower i had when i get unpacked nearly made me jizz in my pants (sings the Lonely island song which i hope you have all seen on Youtube by now!?), it was that nice. The views over the city are pretty good too. We settled in then decided to go out for a drink and get a few bits from the supermarket. Kate also got her phone unlocked and a new sim. I imagine she will email you her new number.
We got a few bits and bobs then headed back to dump it all in our apartment. We then hit the bright lights of Auckland. I was amazed that i was able to move as i hadn't slept for about 30 hours but i managed to lift a few pints to my mouth when we stopped at the Fat Camel bar across the road from us. Well, i say a few pints. It was happy hour when we got there and they had footy on the TV. 4 bucks for a beer (about £1.70) so we decided to spend the night and omit the need for food. Got talking to these old dudes from Taranaki and they insisted on taking us out for a fishing trip on their boat when we go down that way. Also met a few german girls who actually had a sense of humour!! They laughed at my jokes and everything. I reckon it was because they had already been here for a while and had become de-germanized. Got chatting to an english girl too who had only been here a week and already knew half of Auckland. Not sure if that means she's really friendly or that she's a slut? She was from south east London so probably means she's a slut. Nah, she was lovely and didn't seem to notice me ripping the piss out of her "souwf" London accent. Ended the night in pain though as we all played the box game. All you had to do was pick up a decreasingly small cardboard box off the floor with your mouth, without using your hands or putting your knees on the floor. I lasted two rounds. Being so tall and not even remotely bendy, i sucked. Kate faired one round better before all the young flexible girls and boys took over. By the final round there were still several people who picked up tissue paper without there hands or knees touching the floor. They had a playoff and the winner was the first to bend over and pick up a shot of Absynthe then down it. Not even sure what the winning prize was or who actually won as it all got a little blurry. Good fun though.
Needless to say we woke up with hangovers this morning. I hadn't realised it but it appears our room has been moved from the 15th floor and repositioned on the surface of the frickin sun!! It is roasting today. At least 30 degrees. So different from last week where we were in -7 degrees. Feels weird wearing shorts and flip flops, or jandals, as they call them here. I got my new sim today and didn't need to unlock my phone which saved me a few bucks too. I will email you all my number so you can text me whenever you want. Just remember we are 13 hours ahead of you though.
We are busy trying to sort out hire cars and arranging viewings of campervans but i'm sure we will then start doing the touristy thing and start posting pictures and all that.
Chat soon guys.
D
XXXX
Our journey was pretty straight forward. We had a night flight so i thought i'd get some sleep and wake up all refreshed for a new day in Auckland. However, still being 6 foot 3 (I was kinda hoping spending some time in Japan might shrink me) there was no chance as i still had my bloody knees around my ears! So never slept but did manage to watch 6 and a half films!! Air New Zealand have wicked little entertainment systems on the seat backs. You can watch tons of movies, TV, listen to a huge selection of music or play videogames to while away the tedium. As we flew in to Christchurch on the south island we had spectacular views of the southern alps and the stark contrasts of the greens and yellows of dormant pastures. It was beautiful.
We only had a brief stopover in Christchurch but it gave me enough time to purchase my first (and new favourite) thing in NZ. It was a Flight of the Conchords t-shirt which says "Eat. Sleep. Folk." It's way cool!!
We got back on the plane for the brief flight up to Auckland. From the plane you could really see the differences between the north and south islands. The area around Auckland is very green with lots of hills and lakes. We got all our baggage (hurray!) and went and got our complimentary bus into the city. We got off the bus and had a short walk to our accomodation on Gore street in the heart of downtown. We got quite a few strange looks. I mean who wouldn't? Two people lugging skis down the street in 25 degree weather.
We got to our room and damn near collapsed from exhaustion. We are not snobs but i am so glad we didn't do the hostel thing. It was so nice to have our own, modern, well equipped (We have a washing machine/dryer and a swish little dishwasher) little space and not have tons of people around to bother us. Ah, the shower i had when i get unpacked nearly made me jizz in my pants (sings the Lonely island song which i hope you have all seen on Youtube by now!?), it was that nice. The views over the city are pretty good too. We settled in then decided to go out for a drink and get a few bits from the supermarket. Kate also got her phone unlocked and a new sim. I imagine she will email you her new number.
We got a few bits and bobs then headed back to dump it all in our apartment. We then hit the bright lights of Auckland. I was amazed that i was able to move as i hadn't slept for about 30 hours but i managed to lift a few pints to my mouth when we stopped at the Fat Camel bar across the road from us. Well, i say a few pints. It was happy hour when we got there and they had footy on the TV. 4 bucks for a beer (about £1.70) so we decided to spend the night and omit the need for food. Got talking to these old dudes from Taranaki and they insisted on taking us out for a fishing trip on their boat when we go down that way. Also met a few german girls who actually had a sense of humour!! They laughed at my jokes and everything. I reckon it was because they had already been here for a while and had become de-germanized. Got chatting to an english girl too who had only been here a week and already knew half of Auckland. Not sure if that means she's really friendly or that she's a slut? She was from south east London so probably means she's a slut. Nah, she was lovely and didn't seem to notice me ripping the piss out of her "souwf" London accent. Ended the night in pain though as we all played the box game. All you had to do was pick up a decreasingly small cardboard box off the floor with your mouth, without using your hands or putting your knees on the floor. I lasted two rounds. Being so tall and not even remotely bendy, i sucked. Kate faired one round better before all the young flexible girls and boys took over. By the final round there were still several people who picked up tissue paper without there hands or knees touching the floor. They had a playoff and the winner was the first to bend over and pick up a shot of Absynthe then down it. Not even sure what the winning prize was or who actually won as it all got a little blurry. Good fun though.
Needless to say we woke up with hangovers this morning. I hadn't realised it but it appears our room has been moved from the 15th floor and repositioned on the surface of the frickin sun!! It is roasting today. At least 30 degrees. So different from last week where we were in -7 degrees. Feels weird wearing shorts and flip flops, or jandals, as they call them here. I got my new sim today and didn't need to unlock my phone which saved me a few bucks too. I will email you all my number so you can text me whenever you want. Just remember we are 13 hours ahead of you though.
We are busy trying to sort out hire cars and arranging viewings of campervans but i'm sure we will then start doing the touristy thing and start posting pictures and all that.
Chat soon guys.
D
XXXX
Monday 9 February 2009
Sayonhara Japan
Wow, i can't believe that i've already been here a week. In a way though it has felt longer. I think if you're doing lots in a place, time does go slower. So, we leave Japan today and head off to Auckland where we have an apartment booked for 10 days. I should have internet there too so i can continue to bore your bums off with this blog. Sorry or "sumimasen" as we say in Tokyo.
Our first full day in Tokyo we headed in to the city and to the Imperial 
palace. It was odd not having the expected millions and millions of people herding us along. It was very quiet and gave us lots of time and space to explore. We then headed over to the Asakuza district and soon found the hustle bustle of people we had expected to see earlier. We fought our way through the crowds to get to the Senso-ji Temple. Here they have incense sticks burning and the smoke is supposed to bring good health. Yeah right! Firstly the incense sticks had swastikas on them and you came away coughing and spluttering and smelling like a teenager! 
Smokey and herbal. The main shrine was full of people paying their respects. No, proper paying. As in chucking handfuls of money into this big bin and praying. I guess it was no different to the collection plate in most christian faiths though.
palace. It was odd not having the expected millions and millions of people herding us along. It was very quiet and gave us lots of time and space to explore. We then headed over to the Asakuza district and soon found the hustle bustle of people we had expected to see earlier. We fought our way through the crowds to get to the Senso-ji Temple. Here they have incense sticks burning and the smoke is supposed to bring good health. Yeah right! Firstly the incense sticks had swastikas on them and you came away coughing and spluttering and smelling like a teenager! 
Smokey and herbal. The main shrine was full of people paying their respects. No, proper paying. As in chucking handfuls of money into this big bin and praying. I guess it was no different to the collection plate in most christian faiths though.We left the temple, grabbed a quick octopuss kebab and headed 
for another region called Ueno. It had a huge park with somemore little shrines but is quite well known for it's electronic and manga (japanese comics) stores. It was again heaving but we made it through the masses of people and girls dressed in in little skimpy manga-style school uniforms. Niiiicccceee!
for another region called Ueno. It had a huge park with somemore little shrines but is quite well known for it's electronic and manga (japanese comics) stores. It was again heaving but we made it through the masses of people and girls dressed in in little skimpy manga-style school uniforms. Niiiicccceee!After Ueno we headed back to the hotel for some much needed rest and a bite to eat.
Yesterday we explored a region of the city called Shinjuku. A bustling business area with big skyscrapers. We went there to look at the 
observatory on the 45th floor of the government building. Tokyo is proper big! We then walked to Yoyogi park and visited the Meiji shrine. It was so peaceful and serene and you forgot that you are in one of the biggest cities in the world, a far cry from the busy Senso-ji Shrine. Serenity was soon ruined by the constant tannoy announcements they seem to have everywhere! Even in Shiga Kogen there would be a huge tannoy announcement to tell you the slopes were closing. You could hear it through the whole valley!
observatory on the 45th floor of the government building. Tokyo is proper big! We then walked to Yoyogi park and visited the Meiji shrine. It was so peaceful and serene and you forgot that you are in one of the biggest cities in the world, a far cry from the busy Senso-ji Shrine. Serenity was soon ruined by the constant tannoy announcements they seem to have everywhere! Even in Shiga Kogen there would be a huge tannoy announcement to tell you the slopes were closing. You could hear it through the whole valley!After paying our respects at the Meiji shrine with a complex hand 
washing fiasco (wash your left hand, then right hand, then drink with your left hand, then wash your left hand, then wash your cup, then pray) we headed for Shibyu. Shibyu is another commercial area with lots of shops and places to eat. It also has the busiest pedestrian crossing in the world. It's not an overly big junction but when the little green man lights up people just seemed to descend from everywhere! It has 6 zebra crossings all heading off in various directions. We made it out of Shibyu alive and as it was getting dark decided to call it a day and head back. Picked up an awesome sushi picnic from the times square department store which we ate when we got back to the hotel.
washing fiasco (wash your left hand, then right hand, then drink with your left hand, then wash your left hand, then wash your cup, then pray) we headed for Shibyu. Shibyu is another commercial area with lots of shops and places to eat. It also has the busiest pedestrian crossing in the world. It's not an overly big junction but when the little green man lights up people just seemed to descend from everywhere! It has 6 zebra crossings all heading off in various directions. We made it out of Shibyu alive and as it was getting dark decided to call it a day and head back. Picked up an awesome sushi picnic from the times square department store which we ate when we got back to the hotel.I will miss Japan and although we have done a lot here i definately feel i will need to come back and check out the rest of the country. It's a shame that Japan is not really a tourist destination. Don't get me wrong we have seen our fair share of round eyes from Australia and the US but i hardly know anyone who has been here for a holiday. In comparison, i know loads of people who have been to Thailand, or China, or Vietnam. Japan is not that much further away in reality. Maybe it's because it's so bloody expensive here. Accomodation is very pricey and food is not cheap but i have spent less here in a week then i spent in 4 days in Bulgaria and that includes lift passes in our ski resort! To be fair, i haven't drank here which has a big impact as beer in our hotel is nearly 8 quid a bottle, and to get to Bulgaria cost a shed load less than it would've have to fly here. It's a shame really as Japan has so much to offer and is truly unique from other pan-pacific countries. There is a real feel of easts meets west here. It's so modern and yet so steeped in tradition. Japanese people are so aware of their heritage and history but are always looking to the future and constantly pushing technology forward. I really do strongly recommend checking it out for yourselves. It's such a pity that Japan only really gets exposed to business men, rock bands and sex tourists!
I will miss the food here. Luckily New Zealand has a large Japanese population so i may still be able to get the whale spunk pasties or penguin cocks. One thing i love here is that they don't eat cheese! (" YOU WHAT!" - I hear smoosh cry) We went to the supermarket yesterday and the cheese counter was literally just a few shelves with some cheddar on. Compared to the dried fish section which took up a whole wall! You can totally see why Japan has a life expectancy of 91! Low fat foods and tons of fish. Since i've been here i've not been able to turn my brain off due to all the omega 3 i'm ingesting! Kinda wish i was taking my GCSEs tomorrow.
So this will be my last entry from the land of the rising sun. I kinda thought i'd get some wicked pics of sunrises but you have to be up really early for those, sod that! Plus New Zealand is the first country to see the sun rise so hopefully might get to use the sunrise function of my camera yet.
So i will bid you sayonhara from the land of the rising sun, and will hopefully bid you G'day from the land of the long white cloud in my next entry.
Missing you all tons
D
xxxx
Sunday 8 February 2009
A few thoughts from Japan
OK, so I've been here in Japan for nearly a week now so not really long enough to know a country. But, i have noticed a few idiosyncrasies that cause annoyance or, i think are totally brilliant. A few likes and dislikes if you want.
Firstly, i have already mentioned the bloody toilets over here and the hours of fun that can be had with/on them. My beef is that there doesn't seem to be any consistency. Some loos have all the mod cons with all the buttons that wash your front garden and blow hot air onto your brown eye, whereas some just seem to spray water up ya pipe and leave you to either drip dry or wipe. Some are just troughs in the ground that you have to squat over (if your a girl) and others are nooks on the sidewalk with an open urinal where every passer by can see you taking a leak (if you're a dude). All seems a bit odd to me.
Also, Japan is a remarkably beautiful country. Tokyo is just like most big cities but has the most stunning parks and shrines dotted around. Outside the city, large red pines and tall bamboo seem to border these amazing little Mr Mayagi type houses. My problem is that all these beautiful things are completely ruined by telegraph poles. Little short one storey poles with massive junction boxes on and unsightly cables stretching the length of the whole street. Imagine America (in places) but a million times worse. Why don't they just bury everything under the roads like us? Maybe it has something to do with the dodgy earthquakes Japan has fairly frequently, I'm not sure. It's just such a shame that nearly every pic i try to take has a bloody telegraph pole in it or a huge great big cable running along the top. Sigh.
Tokyo is the most congested city in the world, apparently. My first impression of Tokyo was the opposite. I came out of Tokyo central station to walk to the imperial palace and there wasn't a soul in sight. I was however, in the heart of the financial district at a weekend and soon found out that in other areas such as Ueno or Akihibara, it is bloody packed!! You have difficulty walking on the sidewalk just due to the sheer number of people around. I don't have a problem with that. It's just that so many people here ride bicycles and there is no allocated lane for them so they ride on the sidewalk too. I was nearly run over so many times today that i now know that the Japanese for sorry is "Sumimasen." It was a total nightmare and i don't get how a modern vibrant city such as this doesn't allow them to either ride on the road or have cycle lanes. Maybe they are waiting for the next earthquake to destroy the city then they add them.
Wow, i feel like grandpa Simpson in that episode where he complains about the use of the words "horny" and "family jewels" on TV. It's an early episode from the first series, i think.
Anyway, another thing i don't get here is what happens to all these young good looking Japanese girls? Some of them are truly stunning. In fact most of the under 30 year olds ( who all look like they are 12) are girls you wouldn't consider kicking out of bed. Weirdly though it all seems to go wrong for them after 40. I have not seen one decent looking older women here. What the fuck happens to them between 30 and 40? Are they shipped off to ugly camp where their faces are scrunched up and their spines shattered so they loose all sense of posture? Every women over 40 also seems to be about a foot shorter. Do Japanese women shrink after they hit 30? Is that something they do at ugly camp? That said, it is hard to see a lot of peoples faces here as they all wear stupid surgical masks. At first i thought "bloody hell, Japan has a lot of surgeons!" but soon realised that even little kids were wearing them and Doogie Howser MD can't have been that big a show over here. I wondered if it was either to protect themselves from pollution or bird flu or SARS but i reckon it's to either cover up the hideous transformation that occurs after 30 or to all look like bad ass ninjas!!
Don't get me wrong, I love it here. There is so much cool shit too. The trains here are awesome. The shinkansen (Bullet) train is the nuts! It goes at 200 mph but is as smooth as silk and super quiet too. Subway trains are so clean. Big too. Well they would have to be really to cope with all the people. They are always on time and some trains tell you how far you have til your stop and an estimated time of arrival too. Pretty handy for when you are panicking about missing your flight. The standard trains here are like first class trains back home. They have tons of leg room. Not sure why as i feel like Gulliver here, i was seriously a foot taller than anyone in my carriage today on the subway. Also, on the train a little lady comes around to sell you water or food. It's wicked.
That brings me nicely onto the food here. It is amazing. All fresh and the selection is beyond comprehension. I thought it would all be fish fish fish but they also do a lot of beef, pork and some chicken. It's not cheap to eat but there are little places where you can stuff your self silly for a tenner. What i truly love is the mystery of what you are actually eating. Some of it is obviously beef or fish but other stuff looks bizarre. I had an awesome white pastry earlier stuffed with a brown sort of meat, kinda like a cornish pasty. It tasted great but for all i know i may have contained whale spunk! You get pretty used to eating mystery foods in Europe, especially France with there's frogs legs, snails and horse burgers but here it's all a bit extreme. In any random restaurant you can order from a picture on the menu and who knows? You may have ordered a penguins cock wrapped in seaweed with some shrimps legs stuffed down the Japs eye! (Hmm, i wonder if they still call them Japs eyes here? Maybe to them they are just "eyes")
Everyone here is super polite. Almost to the point of being subversive masochists! After 50 thank yous and 100 bows you feel like total royalty. It's nice though to see everyone using manners again. I was always told as a kid that please and thank you don't cost anything. Shame that all seems to be on the out back home where a teenager would rather stab you in the eye whilst texting her BFF, than say "please."
I'm no fashionista but I'm liking the Japanese style. They do pride themselves on being "fashionable" but their not heavy into the big labels. From what i can see most guys here are loving the skinny jeans, black shiny puffer jackets, army boots and the arab style scarf. They all take so much pride in their appearance and they all look like they are about to go into urban warfare! It's all very punk styled and they carry it off very well. Unlike back home where most guys look like someone shaved a monkey and kicked it through Topman (thank you Frankie B) or they are total chavs who shop in Sport and Soccer and look like the holding pen for the Jeremy Kyle show (Frankie B again)! The girls here, as i said, are stunning and very fashion conscious too. They are all very trendy with modern haircuts and not a hint of Elizabeth Duke. They also don't seem to mind wearing hot pants even though it's 4 degrees out, nnniiiiccceee!
There are tons of other stuff i like (like Japanese snow. It's such a soft whispy sort of powder that you just glide through. No - Not that type of powder Harry!) but to list them all would be very droll. Overall Japan is amazing. Hardly any tourists, in fact I've only seen a few round eyes since we've been here, and yet Japanese people really make an effort to speak English and help you out if you are stuck, which due to Konji (the Japanese writing), can be often. I strongly recommend anyone to come here.
Just watch out for cyclists, telegraph poles, penguin cocks, bird flu and jail bait.
Peace
D
xxxx
Firstly, i have already mentioned the bloody toilets over here and the hours of fun that can be had with/on them. My beef is that there doesn't seem to be any consistency. Some loos have all the mod cons with all the buttons that wash your front garden and blow hot air onto your brown eye, whereas some just seem to spray water up ya pipe and leave you to either drip dry or wipe. Some are just troughs in the ground that you have to squat over (if your a girl) and others are nooks on the sidewalk with an open urinal where every passer by can see you taking a leak (if you're a dude). All seems a bit odd to me.
Also, Japan is a remarkably beautiful country. Tokyo is just like most big cities but has the most stunning parks and shrines dotted around. Outside the city, large red pines and tall bamboo seem to border these amazing little Mr Mayagi type houses. My problem is that all these beautiful things are completely ruined by telegraph poles. Little short one storey poles with massive junction boxes on and unsightly cables stretching the length of the whole street. Imagine America (in places) but a million times worse. Why don't they just bury everything under the roads like us? Maybe it has something to do with the dodgy earthquakes Japan has fairly frequently, I'm not sure. It's just such a shame that nearly every pic i try to take has a bloody telegraph pole in it or a huge great big cable running along the top. Sigh.
Tokyo is the most congested city in the world, apparently. My first impression of Tokyo was the opposite. I came out of Tokyo central station to walk to the imperial palace and there wasn't a soul in sight. I was however, in the heart of the financial district at a weekend and soon found out that in other areas such as Ueno or Akihibara, it is bloody packed!! You have difficulty walking on the sidewalk just due to the sheer number of people around. I don't have a problem with that. It's just that so many people here ride bicycles and there is no allocated lane for them so they ride on the sidewalk too. I was nearly run over so many times today that i now know that the Japanese for sorry is "Sumimasen." It was a total nightmare and i don't get how a modern vibrant city such as this doesn't allow them to either ride on the road or have cycle lanes. Maybe they are waiting for the next earthquake to destroy the city then they add them.
Wow, i feel like grandpa Simpson in that episode where he complains about the use of the words "horny" and "family jewels" on TV. It's an early episode from the first series, i think.
Anyway, another thing i don't get here is what happens to all these young good looking Japanese girls? Some of them are truly stunning. In fact most of the under 30 year olds ( who all look like they are 12) are girls you wouldn't consider kicking out of bed. Weirdly though it all seems to go wrong for them after 40. I have not seen one decent looking older women here. What the fuck happens to them between 30 and 40? Are they shipped off to ugly camp where their faces are scrunched up and their spines shattered so they loose all sense of posture? Every women over 40 also seems to be about a foot shorter. Do Japanese women shrink after they hit 30? Is that something they do at ugly camp? That said, it is hard to see a lot of peoples faces here as they all wear stupid surgical masks. At first i thought "bloody hell, Japan has a lot of surgeons!" but soon realised that even little kids were wearing them and Doogie Howser MD can't have been that big a show over here. I wondered if it was either to protect themselves from pollution or bird flu or SARS but i reckon it's to either cover up the hideous transformation that occurs after 30 or to all look like bad ass ninjas!!
Don't get me wrong, I love it here. There is so much cool shit too. The trains here are awesome. The shinkansen (Bullet) train is the nuts! It goes at 200 mph but is as smooth as silk and super quiet too. Subway trains are so clean. Big too. Well they would have to be really to cope with all the people. They are always on time and some trains tell you how far you have til your stop and an estimated time of arrival too. Pretty handy for when you are panicking about missing your flight. The standard trains here are like first class trains back home. They have tons of leg room. Not sure why as i feel like Gulliver here, i was seriously a foot taller than anyone in my carriage today on the subway. Also, on the train a little lady comes around to sell you water or food. It's wicked.
That brings me nicely onto the food here. It is amazing. All fresh and the selection is beyond comprehension. I thought it would all be fish fish fish but they also do a lot of beef, pork and some chicken. It's not cheap to eat but there are little places where you can stuff your self silly for a tenner. What i truly love is the mystery of what you are actually eating. Some of it is obviously beef or fish but other stuff looks bizarre. I had an awesome white pastry earlier stuffed with a brown sort of meat, kinda like a cornish pasty. It tasted great but for all i know i may have contained whale spunk! You get pretty used to eating mystery foods in Europe, especially France with there's frogs legs, snails and horse burgers but here it's all a bit extreme. In any random restaurant you can order from a picture on the menu and who knows? You may have ordered a penguins cock wrapped in seaweed with some shrimps legs stuffed down the Japs eye! (Hmm, i wonder if they still call them Japs eyes here? Maybe to them they are just "eyes")
Everyone here is super polite. Almost to the point of being subversive masochists! After 50 thank yous and 100 bows you feel like total royalty. It's nice though to see everyone using manners again. I was always told as a kid that please and thank you don't cost anything. Shame that all seems to be on the out back home where a teenager would rather stab you in the eye whilst texting her BFF, than say "please."
I'm no fashionista but I'm liking the Japanese style. They do pride themselves on being "fashionable" but their not heavy into the big labels. From what i can see most guys here are loving the skinny jeans, black shiny puffer jackets, army boots and the arab style scarf. They all take so much pride in their appearance and they all look like they are about to go into urban warfare! It's all very punk styled and they carry it off very well. Unlike back home where most guys look like someone shaved a monkey and kicked it through Topman (thank you Frankie B) or they are total chavs who shop in Sport and Soccer and look like the holding pen for the Jeremy Kyle show (Frankie B again)! The girls here, as i said, are stunning and very fashion conscious too. They are all very trendy with modern haircuts and not a hint of Elizabeth Duke. They also don't seem to mind wearing hot pants even though it's 4 degrees out, nnniiiiccceee!
There are tons of other stuff i like (like Japanese snow. It's such a soft whispy sort of powder that you just glide through. No - Not that type of powder Harry!) but to list them all would be very droll. Overall Japan is amazing. Hardly any tourists, in fact I've only seen a few round eyes since we've been here, and yet Japanese people really make an effort to speak English and help you out if you are stuck, which due to Konji (the Japanese writing), can be often. I strongly recommend anyone to come here.
Just watch out for cyclists, telegraph poles, penguin cocks, bird flu and jail bait.
Peace
D
xxxx
Friday 6 February 2009
Toilets in Japan are fun
Only just arrived back in Tokyo and had a bit of a wait at the airport to get our bus to our hotel in Narita. As i mentioned in my previous blog entry the toilets here are a little odd. Well, while we were waiting for the bus i had to go to the loo pretty bad. I walked back into the terminal and headed to the toilets. I walked in and was meet with a room full of urinals and sinks. Not normally a problem if you just need a wee. I unfortunately needed a bit more than that. As i turned to walk out i noticed these bizarre doors with big green and red buttons on them. Upon pressing the big green button the door opened to reveal a large bathroom with a toilet, HURRAY!! On closer inspection it was a regular loo but had funny buttons on the wall next to it. I pressed the first button and the loo flushed. Sweet i thought so that's the flush sorted then.
I won't fill you in on what i did next but whilst sitting on the loo i couldn't not press the other buttons could i? The one that interested me the most was a blue button with a picture of a bum on it and a plus and minus button underneath which said water pressure on them. I pressed the blue button and nothing happened, at first. Then a jet of warm water shot up my bum!! I quickly pressed the blue button again as the sensation wasn't exactly pleasant but the water continued. I quickly thought about getting up but was pretty sure the water jet would've continued to squirt and there would have been a fountain effect. I then pressed the red button and the water stopped. I was in a fit of giggles at this point but curiosity got the better of me and i just had to press the orange button which had a picture of a cloud on it. Again, nothing happened at first. Then suddenly a whoosh of warm air hit my cornhole!! Again, not a pleasant feeling so i quickly pushed the red button again and it stopped. Then i thanked god that there was some loo roll.
What the hell are these Japanese people thinking? Surely just a regular toilet was good enough? Surely recycled loo paper is not forcing the deforestation of Brazil anymore? That said it did make for some good toilet humour. Boom boom
D
xxxx
I won't fill you in on what i did next but whilst sitting on the loo i couldn't not press the other buttons could i? The one that interested me the most was a blue button with a picture of a bum on it and a plus and minus button underneath which said water pressure on them. I pressed the blue button and nothing happened, at first. Then a jet of warm water shot up my bum!! I quickly pressed the blue button again as the sensation wasn't exactly pleasant but the water continued. I quickly thought about getting up but was pretty sure the water jet would've continued to squirt and there would have been a fountain effect. I then pressed the red button and the water stopped. I was in a fit of giggles at this point but curiosity got the better of me and i just had to press the orange button which had a picture of a cloud on it. Again, nothing happened at first. Then suddenly a whoosh of warm air hit my cornhole!! Again, not a pleasant feeling so i quickly pushed the red button again and it stopped. Then i thanked god that there was some loo roll.
What the hell are these Japanese people thinking? Surely just a regular toilet was good enough? Surely recycled loo paper is not forcing the deforestation of Brazil anymore? That said it did make for some good toilet humour. Boom boom
D
xxxx
Konnichiwa from Japan
Arrived safely for the first leg of our journey to New Zealand. We are In Japan, Shiga Kogen to be precise. It’s a ski resort just outside Nagano, the site of the 1998 winter olympics. First impressions of Japan are that it’s totally weird!! Pink strawberry and yellow Lemon kit kats, beer vending machines and odd buttons on the toilet that make a flushing sound but don’t actually flush. Took us 25 hours door to door to get here including a brief stop over and change of plane in Munich. I would’ve liked to explore the awesome airport there but we were delayed on the runway at Heathrow so only just made our connection in Munich. The airport had a full on sex shop with 2 foot dildos in the window and everything! Those crazy Germans. I was a little worried that our luggage would get lost due to the quick change with our connecting flight but I’ll give it to those sexually liberated krauts, they are super efficient. Humourless robots, but efficient.
The flight into Tokyo was uneventful except they had someh
ow put us on a smaller plane and the legroom was rubbish. I tried to sleep but found it difficult with my knees under my chin. Got all our luggage at Tokyo and headed to the train into the city. Once there we waited patiently for our bullet train to Nagano and at exactly 1404 we left Tokyo. We raced along on the bullet train on its way to Nagano at 200 mph, passing an active volcano at Kairugama. The bus from Nagano 
took a further hour to get to Shiga Kogen and our sub resort of Hasiuke. The hotel isn’t much but it’s at the bottom of the ski runs so we don’t have to walk very far.
The flight into Tokyo was uneventful except they had someh
ow put us on a smaller plane and the legroom was rubbish. I tried to sleep but found it difficult with my knees under my chin. Got all our luggage at Tokyo and headed to the train into the city. Once there we waited patiently for our bullet train to Nagano and at exactly 1404 we left Tokyo. We raced along on the bullet train on its way to Nagano at 200 mph, passing an active volcano at Kairugama. The bus from Nagano 
took a further hour to get to Shiga Kogen and our sub resort of Hasiuke. The hotel isn’t much but it’s at the bottom of the ski runs so we don’t have to walk very far. We dumped our gear and headed down for dinner. Now, I like Japanese food but what was set before us was nothing like what I had ever seen before. Basically it was a selection of raw noodles, fish, vegetables and small parcels, along with some rice and miso soup. There was also a huge pot of broth sitting on a mobile cooking hob which the waiter lit, smiled then disappeared. After some close observation of the 5 guys on another table we realised that we had to cook all our own food in the broth. It was awesome!
Went to bed stuffed and managed to find some NBA basketball on TV. More than you can get in the bloody UK at the moment. Although I tried to stay awake I ended up drifting off to sleep at about 8pm, DOH! Woke up in the dark and thought to myself that it must be like 6am or something. Checked my watch and it was bloody 11pm!! Managed to get back to sleep but only til 2am, then stayed awake til the morning, stupid body clock.
Breakfast consisted of more confusion. We sat down to a tray with lots of compartments filled with salmon (fairly normal), omelette (very normal), gherkins (huh?), coleslaw with noodles and ham (er, ok?), some dumplings (tasty but not really a breakfast treat) and rice (crazy japs). It was certainly different but pleasant all the same. After some brekkie we hit the slopes in what can only be considered perfect conditions. There was snow everywhere. A stark contrast to Borovets where snow was sparse. We did a few little green (Gay, sorry, Easy) runs before I convinced kate to try a short red (medium) run. She stacked it and I’m sure hated me for a few minutes but nevertheless she got back on her skis (eventually) and we carried on. We skied for a few hours on the quiet slopes until lunchtime when everyone seemed to just disappear for lunch so we then had the mountains pretty much to ourselves. At about 2pm we took a wrong turn and ended up behind some hotel so we decided to head back, get changed and go see the famous snow monkeys.
We got our bus with little trouble (everyone here is so polite and
helpful), managed to get off at the right stop then had a 2km trek to the monkey park through a winding mountain path which was pretty icy in places but we managed it unscathed. The monkeys were freakin awesome!! They are so tame and chilled (not like those evil Gibraltar monkeys!) and had no problem with you getting right up close as they just chilled out in the natural hot springs. It was so cool just watching them either sit in the hot springs, or scrabble through the snow, or preen themselves or actually have sex no more than 2 foot from my head!! I wish I was a snow monkey! Got some awesome pics too. Well worth the 4km round trek through the woods, up a mountain along icy paths. What did spoil it a little was the fact that so many
people were right in these poor monkeys faces taking pics. I felt a bit bad but I guess it’s a small price to pay for living in an awesome mountain location with hot tubs and monkey sluts who let you bang them while tourists take pictures! (see my facebook pics for monkey porn!)
Dinner at the hotel was again a challenge. We had lots of raw meats and veg but this time had a hot plate to fry everything on. We also had a breaded pork escallop, lots of strange pickled mushrooms and scallop sashimi (raw) with orange fish eggs on, lots of rice and a weird soup with little shrimps in it. There was also some awesome cooked pork in like a teryaki sauce. Ate tons but Kate assured me it was all low fat. Again, tried in vain to stay awake past 8pm and again woke up bright as a button at 11pm! Stupid bloody body clock. Did manage to drift off again but not til about 5am. Next thing i knew Kate was waking me up for breakfast, she also stated that it was so foggy outside that she couldn’t see the hotel next door. When i got up to check i realised it was condensation and it wasn’t actually that bad. So i did what any caring man would do and ripped the piss out of her for it as i got ready for brekkie. Wonder what culinary delights laid in store this time? Well, it was what i assume was a Japanese take on a full english breakfast. Scrambled egg served in a lettuce leaf, sausages and bacon all served cold. Oh, and some gorgeous noodles in mayonnaise. The big bonus was toast which came with some squirty starwberry jam and butter, genius!! There was rice naturally and lots of salad, which i didn’t eat.
We scoffed our food and headed out to the slopes. Very low cloud cover and the fact that it was snowing made it a lot more difficult tod
ay. We walked to the cable car and shared it with 4 Japanese snowboarders who were keen to try out there English on us. They asked where we were from and when i replied England they asked if i had met David Beckham? I have actually but funnily enough i was in Madrid when the whole Real Madrid football team stayed in our hotel, along with Paul Gascoigne before he went completely bonkers. We rode the cable car and got transported all the way to the other side of the resort in search of the Ichinose (yes, that’s what it is really called) family area. Kate took a bad spill almost instantly on the first run and twisted her knee. On the next run she did a fancy pirouette unintenionally and smacked the back her head on the snow. This also had the added effect of stimula
ting her moan gland. I tricked her into skiing a short red (medium difficulty) run which she did really well on but then take another bad spill on the flat bit at the bottom, losing her skis and her willingness to ski at the same time. She decided her afternoon would be best spent back at the hotel so jumped ship and headed for the bus back. This left me on my own to hit a few blacks. Not in a racist way! Black runs are the expert difficulty. I also managed to get myself over to the run where they ran the downhill for the 1998 olympics. It was steep as hell but lots of fun. I then made my way over to Hasiuke near our hotel as there were some jumps i had seen the day before. I hit the jumps and had a few more runs then decided to call it a day and head back to the hotel. As i was walking up the hill who should i see but Kate just arriving at the hotel. Apparently she had taken the wrong bus and ended up right on the other side of the resort and had to get another bus back.
Must be getting used to the Japanese way of eating as no problem boiling our own dinner tonight of beef, veg, battered chicken, breaded salmon, miso soup, salmon sushi and surprise surprise, more rice. Also had a bowl of pleasant tasting slime which Kate assured me was probably string mushrooms. Back in the room now all packed up and ready to check out in the morning. Watching more NBA on the electric fish tank (TV) and trying really really hard to stay wawke past 8pm. Probably won’t get to post this til I get back to Tokyo and get some decent internet access.
Have had a lot of time to think a lot about home. Mostly when i should be sleeping. I think it’s too early to be missing people but that hasn’t stopped me from giving my small pillow i stole from Lufthansa a pet name. Anyway guys i love you millions. Chat soon.
D
xxxx
Breakfast consisted of more confusion. We sat down to a tray with lots of compartments filled with salmon (fairly normal), omelette (very normal), gherkins (huh?), coleslaw with noodles and ham (er, ok?), some dumplings (tasty but not really a breakfast treat) and rice (crazy japs). It was certainly different but pleasant all the same. After some brekkie we hit the slopes in what can only be considered perfect conditions. There was snow everywhere. A stark contrast to Borovets where snow was sparse. We did a few little green (Gay, sorry, Easy) runs before I convinced kate to try a short red (medium) run. She stacked it and I’m sure hated me for a few minutes but nevertheless she got back on her skis (eventually) and we carried on. We skied for a few hours on the quiet slopes until lunchtime when everyone seemed to just disappear for lunch so we then had the mountains pretty much to ourselves. At about 2pm we took a wrong turn and ended up behind some hotel so we decided to head back, get changed and go see the famous snow monkeys.
We got our bus with little trouble (everyone here is so polite and
helpful), managed to get off at the right stop then had a 2km trek to the monkey park through a winding mountain path which was pretty icy in places but we managed it unscathed. The monkeys were freakin awesome!! They are so tame and chilled (not like those evil Gibraltar monkeys!) and had no problem with you getting right up close as they just chilled out in the natural hot springs. It was so cool just watching them either sit in the hot springs, or scrabble through the snow, or preen themselves or actually have sex no more than 2 foot from my head!! I wish I was a snow monkey! Got some awesome pics too. Well worth the 4km round trek through the woods, up a mountain along icy paths. What did spoil it a little was the fact that so many
people were right in these poor monkeys faces taking pics. I felt a bit bad but I guess it’s a small price to pay for living in an awesome mountain location with hot tubs and monkey sluts who let you bang them while tourists take pictures! (see my facebook pics for monkey porn!)Dinner at the hotel was again a challenge. We had lots of raw meats and veg but this time had a hot plate to fry everything on. We also had a breaded pork escallop, lots of strange pickled mushrooms and scallop sashimi (raw) with orange fish eggs on, lots of rice and a weird soup with little shrimps in it. There was also some awesome cooked pork in like a teryaki sauce. Ate tons but Kate assured me it was all low fat. Again, tried in vain to stay awake past 8pm and again woke up bright as a button at 11pm! Stupid bloody body clock. Did manage to drift off again but not til about 5am. Next thing i knew Kate was waking me up for breakfast, she also stated that it was so foggy outside that she couldn’t see the hotel next door. When i got up to check i realised it was condensation and it wasn’t actually that bad. So i did what any caring man would do and ripped the piss out of her for it as i got ready for brekkie. Wonder what culinary delights laid in store this time? Well, it was what i assume was a Japanese take on a full english breakfast. Scrambled egg served in a lettuce leaf, sausages and bacon all served cold. Oh, and some gorgeous noodles in mayonnaise. The big bonus was toast which came with some squirty starwberry jam and butter, genius!! There was rice naturally and lots of salad, which i didn’t eat.
We scoffed our food and headed out to the slopes. Very low cloud cover and the fact that it was snowing made it a lot more difficult tod
ay. We walked to the cable car and shared it with 4 Japanese snowboarders who were keen to try out there English on us. They asked where we were from and when i replied England they asked if i had met David Beckham? I have actually but funnily enough i was in Madrid when the whole Real Madrid football team stayed in our hotel, along with Paul Gascoigne before he went completely bonkers. We rode the cable car and got transported all the way to the other side of the resort in search of the Ichinose (yes, that’s what it is really called) family area. Kate took a bad spill almost instantly on the first run and twisted her knee. On the next run she did a fancy pirouette unintenionally and smacked the back her head on the snow. This also had the added effect of stimula
ting her moan gland. I tricked her into skiing a short red (medium difficulty) run which she did really well on but then take another bad spill on the flat bit at the bottom, losing her skis and her willingness to ski at the same time. She decided her afternoon would be best spent back at the hotel so jumped ship and headed for the bus back. This left me on my own to hit a few blacks. Not in a racist way! Black runs are the expert difficulty. I also managed to get myself over to the run where they ran the downhill for the 1998 olympics. It was steep as hell but lots of fun. I then made my way over to Hasiuke near our hotel as there were some jumps i had seen the day before. I hit the jumps and had a few more runs then decided to call it a day and head back to the hotel. As i was walking up the hill who should i see but Kate just arriving at the hotel. Apparently she had taken the wrong bus and ended up right on the other side of the resort and had to get another bus back.Must be getting used to the Japanese way of eating as no problem boiling our own dinner tonight of beef, veg, battered chicken, breaded salmon, miso soup, salmon sushi and surprise surprise, more rice. Also had a bowl of pleasant tasting slime which Kate assured me was probably string mushrooms. Back in the room now all packed up and ready to check out in the morning. Watching more NBA on the electric fish tank (TV) and trying really really hard to stay wawke past 8pm. Probably won’t get to post this til I get back to Tokyo and get some decent internet access.
Have had a lot of time to think a lot about home. Mostly when i should be sleeping. I think it’s too early to be missing people but that hasn’t stopped me from giving my small pillow i stole from Lufthansa a pet name. Anyway guys i love you millions. Chat soon.
D
xxxx
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