I want a Doosh bag!

Howdy y'all. Not sure why i started this entry as a cowboy. Anyway, life in Q town is good. Since my last entry, i haven't been up to a great deal. I did go to a little town called Arrowtown the other day though. It's an old gold mining town from back in the day that hasn't changed and has kept it's old pioneer characteristics. It has an autumn festival which Kate had been wanting to go check out all week. When we finally got there, i must admit it was a bit rubbish. The town is pretty small but surrounded by awesome golden autumnal trees, but there just isn't anything there except little tourist trap boutiques. Kate was keen to go as she is looking for potential birthday presents. So, i had to be trawled all around these small chintzy shops and give my opinion on jewellery and bangles which all looked like they had been made in daycare centres by people who are either borderline mongloid or on some sort of work release program from the local prison. There were a few nice little pieces to be fair including the bracelet she eventually purchased.

A pleasant surprise was a photography gallery. Some of the pictures were truly stunning and made my puny attempts at photography look like finger painting! This guy was so talented. He was sat smuggly behind the counter telling a couple how he achieved the dark indigo hues on his "Ocean at Midnight" piece (he basically did some fancy exposure thing and used slide film!?). It did give me some inspiration for when i next get the camera out though. Another surprise i noticed as we were leaving the photo gallery. The shop next door was a clothing shop called Doosh! I laughed my arse off and had to stop myself from going inside. All i wanted was to see if they gave you a plastic bag with "Doosh" written on it. Imagine that, i could carry it everywhere, waiting for the perfect comedy moment to reveal my Doosh bag! Well, it made me laugh quite a bit, but then i do have the mindset of a ten year old. Doosh bag. It still makes me smile.

Most of my time though is consumed with trying to amuse myself as the job offers are far from inundating me. Kate is still working at the jet boat company. As far as i can tell, she is enjoying it but doesn't like getting up at 6:30am. But then, who does? Well other than my mum? She made me laugh the other day. We went to bed and she set her alarm to get up for work in the morning but it seemed that as soon as i had fallen asleep her alarm went off. I was very confused but Kate soon realised she had somehow set her alarm for 11:30pm instead of 06:30am. An easy mistake, i guess, if you are a Brooks! Yeah, so she works 3 days a week but is hoping for a few more hours. I heard back from a ski rental shop in town the other day but all they said was that they would contact me later in the week. It's encouraging as not only is it an area I'd love to work in but it's the first sign that the winter season jobs are starting to come up.

Crap, if all else fails i might start a man-whore business! Brothels are legal in NZ and i do have a spare room. In fact, it might be perfect as the room already has a sex dungeon in the walk in wardrobe! Cool. Although, there probably isn't much call for an overweight balding man whore. Especially in a town where most of the guys are between the ages of 18-30. They are all walking hormones with long surfer style hair and golden tans. I look like a couple of pigs wrestling in a pillowcase in comparison. I could easily regale a women with comic tales and witty conversation which is one advantage i have over these young buff dudes but, who orders a man whore for conversation? Oh well, back to the drawing board.

I have also been looking for things around town i can do to pass time, other than frisbee golf. I saw an ad the other day for a winter boot camp. Lose weight and get in shape for the ski season. Sounded awesome until i read the small print and realised that it was 6am - 7:30am three times a week and cost nearly $400! Doh! So i have been sticking to poker. We went to 3 tournaments this week and have started to notice familiar faces and have got talking to a few people. After my awesome exploits last week at the table i was pretty confident this week. That was until i got knocked out first in the first tournament! Now, for anyone who has played in a poker tournament, getting knocked out first is not only pretty humiliating but it means that you then have to wait fricking ages until your buddy/wife/lover gets knocked out. It did teach me a valuable lesson on being a patient player and helped me get to the final table of the other two tournaments. Pretty good i thought and it did feel good when people you don't know come up to you and say "well played" or "nice cards." Kate seemed to enjoy herself too. The last tournament we played in was at the Surreal bar that i played well in last week. It's really well set up and is real popular with the locals. When i mentioned this fact to Kate she got a bit nervous but put in a really good show. When we got home she was buzzing about it and spent the next afternoon reading about poker tactics online. It is fun and the best part is that the tournaments are free to enter so all you pay for is your drinks. Most of the bars do drinks specials too so we were getting quite drunk and only paying $3.80(£1.40) for beer. Sounds pretty sweet to me. Kate has banned me from playing in cash games though which is fair enough. I mean, i lucked out last week in winning $110 and know that the chances of me winning that sort of money again is slim. I'm not really a gambler anyway, i hate wasting money. So don't panic people I'm not about to change my middle name to "Vegas" and start listening to Kenny Rodgers. A guy i played against last week had his ipod on and someone asked what he was listening to. He replied that he was listening to Kenny Rodgers to which i replied "Why? Not even Kenny Rodgers would listen to that shit!" Luckily it went down well and the guy saw the funny side of it.

The banana milk addiction is still a problem. I'm up to 2 litres a week. I'm kinda worried that my BMI (Body Mass Index) is seriously gonna be affected by my BMI (Banana Milk Intake). I keep telling myself that it is ok because it is 98% fat free. Yeah shame it probably has as much sugar as a 6 pack of fully leaded Coca Cola! I'm also just waiting to wake up one morning, go to the bathroom and notice in the mirror that i have turned bright yellow. I'd look just like big bird from Sesame Street with Hepatitis! Although i could use that. Wear pink leg warmers and pretend to be one of those statue street performers or get work as a childrens party entertainer. Just need to learn how to make poodles out of balloons. Hmmm, it might just be an option but for it to really work I'd need to up my consumption of banana milk. Oh no, sounds like the addiction really has me! I'm gonna be like Amy Winehouse. On the front cover of the Sun newspaper downing a pint of banana milk in the back alley of a Soho nightclub! Or having to burgle houses to feed my addiction. I'll be wandering the streets of London when a car load of my family pull up and bundle me into the back for an intervention! Or in Rehab sitting in a circle of other addicts. "Darrell, have you had any milk today?" they'd ask. I'd reply "No." "Then why have you got a yellow milk moustache?" I'd be thrown into solitary! I'd set myself on fire trying to free base milk like Richard Pryor!

It's a long slippery slope but i know i can beat it. Hey guys, got milk?

Peace

D

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