Stupid recession

I think i have resigned myself to the fact that i am unemployable. There must be something wrong with me. I had a really promising interview the other day in a big DIY store, like the one i used to work in ages ago, but haven't heard back. I have dropped my CV into numerous places and am just not hearing anything. Kate reckons i sit there in the interviews and just rip off huge farts like that scene in Step Brothers. She can talk! I was sleeping the other morning and she got up to get ready for work, which woke me up. She then went into the bathroom and, no word of a lie, ripped this fart that lasted an age! I'm talking like between 10 and 15 seconds! She was so proud she ran back into the bedroom and asked if i had heard it? I told her the whole damn apartment complex heard it! In fact i could hear someone applauding from 4 doors down! I wasn't going to mention it in my blog but she insisted. She is chuffed to bits and regularly drops it into casual conversation. We'll be sitting watching TV, she'll do a little trouser cough and groan that it was no where near as long as her legendary emission. I told her it was a freak of nature and only due to the fact that she had trapped wind for 3 days before hand. Seriously, it was like that scene from the Young Ones when Vivian gives birth. I'm just so glad there weren't any naked flames or else it would have been game over! Backdraft, in more ways than one!

So, i am still job hunting. I keep getting assured that more work is becoming available but i know that so many people are looking for work here. We have met an English guy whose in I.T. and he's been looking for work for 9 months! I am hoping i can get something soon as i am running out of things to do to keep myself from watching internet porn. I have started running again and am seriously trying to watch what i eat, to get back in shape. Well, to be fair the last time i was in shape, starbursts were still called opal fruits, it was that long ago. Lets just say I'm trying to get into a shape not resembling a big squidgy sphere. I managed about 15km this week which is OK for starters. I can feel my fitness edging back and just need to keep the momentum going. I have even given up Banana milk! I still crave it but am going cold turkey. I had one night of hallucinations and the shakes but i know that was just the evil banana toxins leaving my system. It's gonna be a long struggle but i know i can get through it. I can always go to a B.M.A (banana milk anonymous) meeting if it gets tough.

We've noticed a real change in Q town, or ghost town as we have re-named it. The town is dead! May is the quietest month here but it is amazing just how quiet it has gotten. Literally on the 1st of May it seemed there was just a mass exodus. We're talking tumbleweed blowing through the Mall and everything. One positive from it all is that a lot of local businesses are doing special deals for residents though. The big skydiving company here are doing 2 for 1 deals at the moment which saves you hundreds of bucks! I have dropped several pretty big hints to Kate but she is choosing to ignore them. She is concentrating on our money woes at the moment and knows a sky dive, no matter how cheap, will seriously drain the bank account. As we both didn't get jobs in the ski resorts either we now have to buy our season passes which work out to over $2000. Still ridiculously cheap in comparison to other resorts but still a big dent in the savings.

On a positive note though, money wise, Kate won a poker tournament the other night! $70 voucher for the bar/restaurant. Sweet! It was funny as i had finally decided to use the $40 voucher i won a few weeks back to get drinks and then Kate replenishes it, and then some. She played really well too. She was stoked as you can imagine. Wow, what with her birthday this week, the poker win and the huge fart, it's no wonder she is so happy!

It was Kates birthday yesterday so she decided i had to drive her 100kms to the towns of Cromwell and Alexandra to go shopping. I think it was more about her touching problem. You see, Kate, like a lot of women just likes to go into shops and touch things. Not buy them! Just have a quick feelski then leave. I think the only reason i had to travel miles and miles to these other towns was because she has touched pretty much everything in Q town already. It's a nightmare for me as not only do i get frustrated that she never buys anything but i also have to make a mental note of where everything is and what she has touched because i know that in 2 months time she'll ask me about a pair of gloves she saw that she now wants to buy but can't remember what shop sold them. If i don't remember either then the whole process starts over, with hours upon hours of just touching things in shops before finally finding the gloves she has wanted for months. Only for more deliberation and touching, maybe a discussion over coffee on the merits of owning the gloves, before actually buying them. And then losing them on the bus or forgetting them at home. Sigh. This is the life i have chosen.

After our cross country trek to go touch things we went into Q town for drinks. We had intended to have a drink then go for a meal but we bumped into a poker playing buddy (the guy looking for I.T. work) and just got wasted! Met these two Swedish guys who were just hilarious! One guy, who was only 19 had this weird view that because the human race has sex for fun it makes us all gay. I sat for about an hour in rebuttal to his argument explaining nature versus nurture theories on sexuality and explained how Dolphins and Chimpanzees are the only other species to have sex for fun for him to just reply "No. I am right" I love drinking with Scandinavians, they can be so bizarre at times but also have a mutual hatred of the Germans, so they are cool in my books. In the end though we were nearly thrown out of the bar because the young Swedish guy threatened to beat up this Irish guy who took the piss out his accent. He got booted out so we just sat with the other Swedish dude and drank Jaegerbombs! It was a great night. Kate had fun but also got refused alcohol for being too wasted! HA HA. She asked for wine and the barmaid suggested water instead. Bless. She's still in bed now actually, sleeping it off. I had worried that her birthday was going to be a huge anti-climax what with us being so far away from our friends and family but I'm pretty sure she had a blast. We still might go out for a meal tonight as we skipped dinner. Well, i cooked a proper drunken feast when we got in. Fish finger sandwiches, canned ravioli and homemade Cajun style potato wedges! I've yet to go look in the kitchen but i bet it looks like Beirut!

So i guess i have another week of running, poker and porn ahead of me. It's pretty sweet really but i have never wanted to work more in my life. I might have to make a human sacrifice to the Maori god of Employment, youworkyworky, or something at this rate though. I'll let you know how i get on.

Peace

D

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