RIP Big guy

Kinda sad day really. Found out that my grandad passed away last night. Not Bumps (thank god!) but my mums real dad. A man i only met a few times but also one of the nicest guys. I don't know all the details of how he died or even how he lived, which pains me. It's such a shame i never took it upon myself to learn more about him. What pains me the most is how sad my mum must be. She had grown really close to her dad ever since they were reunited a few years back. Mum, i guess it was at least lucky that you found your dad and got to spend time with him and those memories you created will stay with you forever. I hope you are OK and that you can be strong for Matt, Myles, Garry and Liz. I wish i was home to be able to give you hugs and be your crutch to lean on. I've been told that i make a good crutch. Shame I'm not there for Ellie and her broken ankle eh?

I know from my own experience of not having a dad that Grandad must have filled a huge gaping chasm in your life and i am deeply sorry that he is gone again. Just remember mum of all the happy times you guys had together and remember that your children love you very much and are here to give you love and support in your time of need. We will miss the big guy even though we hardly knew him. I will miss him more for the way he completed you and made you feel loved these last few years and for finally being 'your old man.' I love you so much. I am so sorry that i am not there to give you a huge hug and tell you that it is going to be OK. I am thinking of you and sending you massive love from the other side of the world.

It's funny that the only real story i have about my grandad and me is set quite a few years before him and my mum were re-united after god knows how many years apart. I went on a lads holiday to a friends villa in the tiny town of Calahonda on the Costa Del Sol in Spain when i was 18. We drank way too much and behaved like animals, as you do on a lads holiday. Years later when i first met my Grandad he told me he lived in Spain, in a tiny village on the Costa Del Sol called Calahonda! I told him i had been there and described the villa i had stayed in. It turned out that for that fortnight in July 1994, i was his next door neighbour!! I may have even vomited in his front yard!

Isn't it crazy how that there are billions and billions of us on this earth all going about our business and yet it is such a small place? What were the odds of staying in the villa across the street from my long lost Grandad? A man i had only heard rumours about. Talk about six degrees of separation! (in NZ they only have 2 degrees of separation!) I may have passed him in the street. I may have felt a strange tingle and wandered what it was. I may have been on the beach with his children, my uncles, at the same time. How fucking insane is that? Fate? Destiny? Coincidence? Or just the gods playing chess with us as the pieces, trying to mess with our minds? Who knows, eh?

My Grandad is going to be fine. He has my brother to guide him through the whole after-life thing and show him the ropes. Look after him Bruv and make his transition easy, k?

They say that life goes on and sometimes it seems such a shame that it does. How crazy does that sound but it is true. You sometimes want it to pause or rewind it like an old videotape but unfortunately the batteries in the remote have run out. Life is relentless. It goes on whether we like it or not. Our loved ones die for a reason. Hopefully they remind us to live life to the fullest because there is nothing we can do to slow down or stop time. They remind us that life is short and that we have to make the most of it while we can. Yeah it sucks when they go. It can feel like your whole existence is pointless and that you will never feel happiness again but from my own experiences, you will. It's such a shame that death is a huge part of life. We focus so much on death and the end of life that we sometimes forget the whole living part. We slip off into life comas and all of a sudden years go by and you have missed out on so much. Carpe Diem! Seriously, CARPE FUCKING DIEM! People die to remind us to seize the day, to not let our limited time on this planet go to waste.

We remember our lost loved ones and feel sad. Why? Because we miss them. Sometimes we feel that they wasted their lives. I would hate that if i had just popped my clogs. I'd want to be missed or be remembered for having lived life to the full. Had amazing experiences, had kids (maybe), left a legacy or anything that I am proud of. I think back to my lost loved ones and feel happy. Not always, but mostly. Because they have given me so many memories and cherished moments. Given me so much love and allowed me to love them. Imagine going through life and not feeling anything? That would be horrible i reckon. Yes, it is painful when people leave you forever, but they never really do. Just in a physical form. They are still here, you just can't touch them, or hear them or be with them. They have blessed you in giving you amazing experiences, in loving you unconditionally and for just being there when you need them. Yes, some of that will change but try to just focus on all that amazing stuff because that is PROPER amazing stuff! Forget money and power and all that bullshit. Love is all you need. Love is a lot like anal sex. Whether you are a giver or receiver, it's actually truly amazing! Sometimes painful but mostly amazing. Yeah, bum sex and love are very similar. LOL! Sorry but had to slip something funny in there...........just like bum sex again, sorry!

One of the coolest things i reckon is sitting down with my mum and my sisters and just talking about my brother. Remembering times and things we all did. It brings us closer together as a family but also reinforces the memories. You will be amazed at how much you learn too. It usually always ends in tears but not always tears of sadness. I could have seriously used some of that this past September 5th. It was the first time i haven't had that and it showed me how important it was to me. I will always miss my brother, always, but i will never ever ever want to not talk about him or stop remembering him and all the fun we had together.

I will miss you Grandad. I never knew you that well and for that i am sorry. I will endeavour to learn more about you and my heritage and try my hardest to look after my family as i know you will have wanted. Rest in Peace big guy. Thank you for being a father again, you are a good man.

Peace

D

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