Duncan the Penguin, finally.

Hey hey,

As i write this i am tucked away comfortably in my Dunedin apartment which is where we are staying for a week. It's pretty sweet, especially when you consider that it is free. Well, sort of. Before we left Blighty Kate won the Christmas raffle at her old job and won a £300 holiday voucher which had to be used by October. After much deliberation we decided to use it for a hotel in Queenstown so we had somewhere smart to stay in when we first arrived there and could use it as a base to look for jobs and accommodation. However, we got to Qtown 4 weeks sooner than we had planned because we were worried about missing out on jobs and somewhere to live. So we moved the booking to a hotel in Dunedin which had serviced apartments. It's very similar to the set up that we had in Auckland way back in February. Our own little kitchen so we can continue to eat cheap noodles and tins of budget spaghetti. Ah, life on the road. We have been in Biff for what seems like ages now since we left Qtown but in reality it is only really a week or so. We are still in the deep south of the south island but have managed to escape the wilderness that is the Catlins coast. Man, i have never had to recharge my phone so often. It was constantly searching for a signal which drains the battery really quick.

The scenery was stunning though. It was like driving through some sort of Welsh/Scottish hybrid country with elements of the southwest of England thrown in for good measure. It was also typically Kiwi too with rain forests, mountains and white sandy beaches all within ear shot of each other. Part of the attraction of the Catlins, apart from the scenery, is the wildlife. Rare birds seem to be all over the place. Well, they would be if they weren't so bloody rare! We found a few beaches that are home to native (or Hooker) sea lions too. They are very different to the cute Californian sea lions you see at sea world performing tricks. Nah, these are frickin huge big fuckers that weigh up to 500kg! Yeah, that's half a ton! You'll be just strolling along the beach and there are loads of them just lounging all over the beach like huge big slugs. You're not supposed to get too close to them because they can move pretty quick and their bites contain loads of nasty things like salmonella. You're also not supposed to get between them and the sea, but when they are all over the place it's difficult not to.

The first beach we drove to only had a couple of them and we were a little disappointed but when we got to the Otago peninsula outside of Dunedin we went to an isolated beach at Sandfly bay and there were loads of the fuckers! The walk to the beach was pretty eventful as it was down a big sandy cliff and then down a huge big sand dune. The sea lions were impressive but the real reason we went to that beach in particular was because it is also home to Yellow eyed penguins. Our previous penguin hunt had ended in disaster as not only did we not see any but the long unsealed clifftop road to nugget point had caused Biff to empty the contents of his radiator all over the floor. At first i thought we were screwed as not only were we in the middle of no where, we had no mobile reception. Luckily he had only over heated a bit, so i filled his radiator again and we made it out of there alive. In comparison the 6km round trip to the penguin observation hide was a lot less stressful. Well, except for having to dodge tons and tons of sea lion blubber. We got to the penguin hide at the end of the beach and settled in. It wasn't long before i got very bored and my mind began to wander. I watched the beach less and less and was distracted by a seagull shadow as it ascended a cliff out to our right when suddenly i noticed what i thought was a little penguin statue. It wasn't though, it was in fact a real live penguin! I got over excited and pointed it out to Kate who also freaked out! (she quite likes penguins remember?) We watched as Duncan, as i christened him (we were in Dunedin after all - lots of Scottish here), clumsily made his way down the cliff and to the waters edge. He stopped for a while before what seemed like noticing us and disappearing off into the surf and the numerous floating slugs that were sea lions. We decided to stay a bit longer as we were sure more of his mates would follow but it was so windy and getting dark we decided to head back. More sea lions inhabited the beach on the way back and one juvenile male decided we were on his turf and chased us along the beach! Running in deep sand is torture. You make lots of effort but don't really move anywhere. Lucky for us the sea lion got bored and stopped. When we got to the foot of the cliff we were already knackered. It took us ages to get up the sand dune and the sandy cliff. When we got to the top i asked Kate if that one little penguin was worth it? She said that it wasn't, whilst trying to force back urges to vomit. We were fucked! Like triathlon fucked. We are so unfit. Shit the only exercise i have done these last few months is lifting beers to my lips without spilling a drop.

The weather here is pretty harsh too. The sun has been out but the wind here is so strong. We left Bluff in gale force winds and they have pretty much followed us all the way along the coast. Driving a high top campervan in gale force winds is very very distant from what I'd class as fun.

So we are here in Dunedin for a while. It feels so nice to be back in an apartment again. I can sleep in the nude again and don't have to put my shoes on to go for a wee. I don't know how pikeys do it. Anyway i had better go as Kate is keen to go to the Cadburys factory across the street. I am worried that they will think she is an oompa-loompa and not let her out. When i told her that she got upset. I told her she can't be an oompa-loompa, she can't sing or dance.

Peace

D

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Back to life as a pikey

Welcome to my first blog from the road, again. We have finally left Qtown, our home for the last 7 months. To say it was hard to leave is a huge understatement of epic proportions on my part. Kate was a little bothered but I near enough had to be dragged from Qtown kicking and screaming, trying desperately to hang onto anything I could as I was, lamp posts, walls, trees and even old ladies. It was a very emotional last few days for me there for a number of reasons. It is the first real place that has felt like home since we left. Partly because we actually settled into a really nice house and got into the routine of getting jobs, then working those jobs and making friends, then socialising with those friends. It was also because so far, I have not seen a more beautiful place than central Otago (the area around Qtown). Yes white sandy beaches and palm trees are amazing but living with the whitest person in the world kind of hinders your options when you are deciding on settling in a place. If we had chosen a coastal paradise in the sun then Kate would have melted like a vampire! That or I would have to put up with her constant moaning about sunburn and the daily routine of applying suntan lotion for an hour before venturing out into the light. No, we are both not beach people. We do enjoy a occasional trip to the seaside and a walk along the beach at sunset but Qtown was perfect for us as it was in the mountains, had snow, had a huge picturesque lake and lots of places to get drunk in. It was also an amazing place to meet people and make friends. I had always reckoned that it would be great working with people with a common interest (snow) for 5 months and I made lots of friends through work but it seems that the TRUE friendships have blossomed since the season finished. I will miss my friends so much. I know that one of the perils of travelling is that you meet lots of interesting people but due to the nature of not settling anywhere for a great deal of time, you will also lose contact with a lot of interesting people. I found it so easy to meet people and make friends in Qtown. It was like shooting fish in a barrel at times but like I said, the true friends are the ones I will miss. They were the hardest to say goodbye to and they are the ones I will try my hardest to stay in touch with.

After we finally moved out of Greenstone terrace, or Greenstone graveyard as it had become, we moved back into the campsite where we got our first taste of Qtown. It was a weird old feeling being back in the van but it wasn’t long before I was cracking my head of everything again in Biff and swearing loudly at myself. It was awesome though to be in the middle of town again. It meant we had no excuses to not go out and enjoy the last few nights in town. We also got the guys together for one last game of golf out in Frankton. There were 7 of us and I finally managed to get my game together, shooting level par. Not bad when you look at the state of the hire clubs they give you. I was very pleased with myself and thought what a way to sign off from playing golf with the crowd.

We played a few poker games too but to be honest I was just keen to say my goodbyes as I wanted to leave Qtown poker on the high I have felt from winning and playing well in the last few weeks. My last night at Surreal I even decided not to play. I just wanted to hang out with my friends who I had dragged along to Surreal for the cheap booze. So I watched Kate play for a bit before sitting with the guys and messing about. God I am really going to miss that lot. Kate has made friends but she prefers to hang out with my crowd. When I asked her why, she said that my lot are just a lot more fun. It’s true. There is always something going on and we all seem to feed off each other. We have had some pretty crazy nights. For me the best times we had together were a few weeks before the season finished. Everyone was going out. Trying to make the most of the season before most people departed and went their separate ways. We were all still working together though and because the season was now so dead, we were spending lots of time together at work too. I really enjoyed my ride breaks with Dicks, Rich and Kate. I think I rode more of the mountain in those ride breaks than I had in previous weeks. My last ever ride break with those guys is a highlight for me too as we headed off piste and hit a few jumps. Man, I already miss working at Coronet so much too.

What also made it so hard for me to leave is because the guys were all planning their summers together. Looking for jobs and houses. Man, Qtown is going to be so crazy this summer! I am gutted I will miss it and all the new adventures the guys will have. I just have to focus on my own future though and all the adventures I will have and all the new people I will meet. I love you though guys and I am always just a facebook wall away.

So we have left Qtown, and no matter how many times I have suggested heading back to Kate, she is determined we push forward. So after we left we made our way to Te Anau. It is the gateway to the Fjordland National park, which is the largest national park in NZ, but looks a bit like a tiny version of Milton Keynes. Yes, it has the second largest lake in NZ as a backdrop but the buildings on the main street reminded me of the 70’s styling of Milton Keynes. Very odd. We got there and booked ourselves onto a Milford sound cruise. We had one booked for last week from Qtown but went out drinking with the guys the night before and didn’t get in ‘til 3.30am and sort of missed the 6.45am bus. We woke up at 6am, still drunk and decided to sleep instead of get up and endure a 5 hour bus trip with a monster hangover. It was super cheap from Te Anau anyway but still a 2-hour bus ride to get to Milford. The boat trip was good and we got some awesome pics but to be brutally honest, it was no way as big or impressive as the Doubtful sound, which we visited a few months ago. It was smaller and busier than doubtful and we still didn’t see any dolphins or penguins.

From Te Anau we have made our way along the southern scenic highway to Invercargill. Now Invercargill has a few nicknames amongst Kiwis. They call it the "Friendly city" or ‘Vegas’ (as in Las Vegas) but after my first impressions I think they should call it "Invercargill: home of the chav!" Over here they call it being ‘bogan’ but it is all the same thing. Teenage girls dripping in cheap jewellery with fags hanging out of their mouths pushing around prams and guys all wearing cheap track suits sporting hideous mullets! Holy crap it is rough as. Needless to say, the only real reason to go to Invercargill for us was to finally get a burger king! They have been teasing us for months in Qtown with the prospective opening of a BK in Frankton but it has been delayed and before we left it still looked a few weeks away. All season though I have been jones-ing (craving) a burger king. It wasn’t just me either. Billy once contemplated the 6-hour round trip to Invercargill just to get a whopper! For me it has been the constant commercials for the ‘outlaw’ burger. It’s a sort of whopper with bacon and onion rings. Had one today and it did not disappoint. So after a quick burger and a trip to the supermarket to stock up on a few things we decided to head out of town to Bluff. It is the southernmost town in NZ and world-renowned for it’s oysters. We drove to Stirling point near the old lighthouse where they have one of those signposts with loads of points of interest on it like "New York – 15000 km." After a quick look around and a few pictures It suddenly dawned on me that I am at the furthest point away from home I will probably ever be, 18958 km away! That’s over 11780 miles! In a heartbeat I felt probably as lonely and as isolated as I have ever been. Once when I was travelling in Seattle it dawned on me how far away I was from everyone I loved and it nearly made me puke! I guess I have become a bit blasé about just how far away I am from home. Maybe I have just gotten used to the idea but I think it’s more that I try desperately to not think about it. I think that I would spiral into the doldrums if I were to focus on it. In a way it is exciting to be so far away from home but what with all that’s happening there right now, I feel very distant in more ways than one.

Like I said earlier though I just have to focus on all the cool shit we will be getting up to in the coming months. So, Qtown massive, I will miss you guys so much. Dicks I hope you get your life back on track and finally get your revenge fuck. I love you too bro. Don’t tell anyone but I will miss you the most! Rich, I hope you also find some special girl who blows your mind as well as your scrotal zone, and that she isn’t a potential housemate. Anna, I am sorry you never got to shave my head but hopefully a song will suffice. Talis, you are right. You are an immature prick at times but I wouldn’t have it any other way. JC, you are by far the coolest religious leader I have met! Stay away from Jews. Muzal tov bee-atch! Laura, I will miss your muff muffs and your devious poker ways. Carlos, I hope you keep getting fuck drunk, hee hee. Mikey, come on now, enough is enough – livers need love too. Billy, fly! Teebar, I hope I haven’t put you off childbirth forever. Scott, I hope you never have to wake up to Will wanking ever again! Andrew, we need to work on this "no shots!" policy. Shauny, thank you for letting me make a name for myself in poker. K dog, let me know how those paintings of my pics turn out and that your mum will love them. Until next time.

Peace

D

XXXX

wel

There's a voice, that keeps on calling me............

I don't really like to start my blog entries on a downer but as i sit here in my empty house, trying desperately to absorb every last bit of the amazing view that has greeted me each morning for the last 7 months, it is difficult to not feel a smidge of melancholy. I move out today. All that is keeping me here is the washing machine (washing our towels and tea towels), the dishwasher (washing the remains of last nights mexican off the crockery) and the prospect of waiting for the guy who is gonna steam clean our carpets this afternoon. Biff is all packed up and ready to go and i can tell he is eager to get to our first stop.............Queenstown. We have decided to stay a few extra days at the campsite in town, the same place we stayed at when we first arrived here back in April. I remember it as if it was yesterday. We arrived to fog and rain but were very excited by the light dusting of snow on the hills and mountains. I remember thinking it looked a lot like Forks from the Twilight books/movies. Today it looks no different. Windy, wet, foggy and still a light dusting of snow on the local peaks. It seems winter is as reluctant to leave Qtown as myself.

So the last few days have been filled with cleaning and packing and swallowing down feelings of sadness. JC and Laura left a few days back to go and work on the Milford track. They are going to be lodge hosts at the first stop on the track, Glade lodge. They are out in the middle of frickin nowhere but i can't imagine any two people better suited for it. JC is able to amuse himself very easily and has taken a lot of new stuff to learn on his guitar which probably means that if/when i see him again he'll be playing like SRV (Stevie Ray Vaughn - my guitar idol). Laura will also busy herself there. They are staying in NZ for another 18 months i think as they have the option to extend their visas to 2 years. I think they are keen to head back to Qtown for the winter season and get jobs on the hill. It will be much easier for them too as the company they work for now own NZski and both of the resorts. I'm super jealous. Not because of the jobs on the track but because they can stay for another season. I will miss them a lot and the last few weeks they have stayed with us have been a riot. We have the same sense of humour and all i have done for weeks is piss myself laughing. Take care guys and hopefully we will see you soon. Mazal Tov!!

It seems the draw of Qtown has gotten it's hooks into others too. Richard actually left a few weeks back to go see the rest of the south Island but has somehow found his way back here and is staying with Dickon and some of his other friends. He said he went to Invercargill and thought it was shit, then had a bit of fun in Dunedin but found that people he met weren't nearly as fun as the people he had left here so decided to come back for a bit. I think he is job hunting for a summer job so when he says a bit, i'm thinking he's here for a while. Dicks has decided to extend his stay too. A few months ago he was desperate to get back on the road but since splitting with his girlfriend he has had a change of heart. It helps that we have all made so many friends here who are staying for the summer and are all currently job/flat hunting. I am again super jealous as the prospect of Qtown in the summer looks amazing. It looks gorgeous with a light dusting of snow but when the sun comes out and makes the lake twinkle it is truly a spectacular setting. Gorse has started to bloom and the hill sides are now doused in a myriad of green and yellow. Summer here is going to be insane.

Shame i will miss it but i am trying hard to focus on the next few months for me and trying to get my head around being back on the road again. The novelty wore off pretty quick last time and the thought of being back in a confined space for prolonged periods and constantly twatting my head is also getting me down. But to be fair, there are much worse places in the world to be in a little white box. I will again see the ocean, beaches and the stunning landscapes that NZ seems to have around every new turn. Not bad really.

Apart from packing and cleaning and a lot of swearing, i have also managed to get out and about this last week. After i cut my last blog entry short i headed into town and met up with Dicks and Rich (or the 3 must-get-beers as i have nicknamed us) to catch some of the last few gigs of the Jazz festival. The weather wasn't as good as i had hoped but we still sat on the village green listening to people warble away. We grabbed a bite to eat but by 2.30pm the pull of alcohol was tempting us too much. Rich bailed to the internet cafe so me, Dicks, JC and Laura went and got a box of beers. As we drunk them a few more of our regular crowd filtered up and before we knew it there were 9 of us on the lash in the sunshine. We then headed into what has become our regular haunt, Brazz. For the last few months we have been there pretty much every Sunday. I think it might have something to do with the $3.50 beers. After a few in Brazz we headed over to another regular haunt, Montys, to go see a blues guitarist we had seen a few nights before called MoJo Webb. He is an Aussie guy but man can he play the blues (check out his website). After more booze and a lot of dancing i had to call it a night as my body was starting to reject alcohol and i was way too drunk to continue. Kate had joined us by now so she gladly escorted me home for some much needed sleep and water.

The next morning i had MoJo Webb tunes stuck in my head all day. When they did finally abate, JC would start whistling them and they'd be straight back in there again. Not such a bad thing as he was awesome but it does get a bit annoying.

So, that is it for my little adventure at Greenstone Terrace. Tonight i sleep under the stars again (which i can see through Biffs roof vents). Not sure i will Blog again before i leave town but we are finally going to Milford Sound tomorrow and have a few leaving parties to attend before we head off on Sunday. So i will catch up with you guys soon.

Peace

D

XXXX

Jazz................nice.

Wassup y'all? It is my penultimate week in Qtown! Really difficult to not feel sad but we are definitely going out with a big ass bang. This week has been another eventful one. More beer and poker. I failed to three-peat my win at Rattlesnake this week but did finish 2nd at Surreal. I was doing quite well there and when i got to final table i was in a pretty good position. I then preceded to knock out near enough every player, including a monumental call against the guy with all the chips. He bet hard at the pot but i just had this feeling that he was bluffing. It put me all in but i just had this feeling. He was bluffing and my pair of 7s held up and i ended up doubling up my stack and winning around 150k. It gave me a massive stack of chips so when i got to heads up with my housemate JC i was in a very strong position. It was late though and both Kate and Laura had to get up for work in the morning so i suggested that we just split the 1st and 2nd place bar tab and go home. JC was having none of it and wanted to beat me fair and square. I won't say i folded a lot of hands but i just wanted to go home too so i also called alot of crap cards and before long he had all my chips and had won. I was stoked for him as it was his last week at Surreal and he had never won there before. I was happy to get a bar tab again but even more happier that i could go home and go to bed.

A lot of our week has revolved around the Jazz festival, or Jizz fest as i have been calling it, that's in town this week. It's been really cool with loads of free gigs around town and a little outdoor stage set up in the middle of town straddling the stream. We went to an outdoor gig the other day and ended up sitting in the sun with a ton of beers with Dicks and JC. We then had a few games of pool before going to another jazz gig at one of the posh hotels down by the lake. We were quite well oiled by now and JC was politely asked to leave the restaurant and go back to the lobby where we were sitting because he "just wanted to dance." We ended up getting extremely hammered but just couldn't help tapping our feet and clicking our fingers all night to all the sweet jizz, sorry jazz.

Highlight of the week was going funyaking. Although funyaking sounds like a pleasurable vomit (fun - yaking) it is far from it. Kate has worked for Dart river jets now for 7 months and apart from a free jet boat ride when she started we haven't done any of the free trips they offer but as the weather is getting warmer we decided to try our luck and booked on to go funyaking. Funyaking is like kayaking but you use these huge big orange inflatable dingys. We got jet boated up the dart river on what was probably the warmest and sunniest day we have had in ages. The jet boat dropped us off at the start of the funyak trip and we got busy inflating the huge dingy/kayak hybrids. We then had to listen to our guide trying to explain to the rest of the group how to paddle and steer the things. He then came over to us and asked if we wanted to try and go in the rockburn chasm. The rockburn is this stunning side chasm that branches off the dart river and forms this amazing secluded lagoon. It is a bit tricky to get into when the water levels are low but he was willing to try if he thought the group were competent. We agreed and watched as we all hopped in our funyaks for a quick little paddle. Within seconds we knew that the rockburn was out of the question as the couple from Singapore had either not listened to a word the guide had said or were just completely uncoordinated. They sat in there funyak doing everything wrong and were just spinning out of control in the middle of the river. Our guide eventually had to tie their boat to his own and ferry them down the river. I was a bit gutted that we never got the chance as everyone else seemed to be pretty competent, oh well.

Kate had feared that she would get special treatment from the jet boat drivers once we got into our funyaks. By special treatment i mean that they would try their hardest to flip us out of our boat. She was right. Within a few minutes of getting into our boat, one of the jet boats came flying towards us, did a spin so its back jet was pointing right at us and then full throttled it. We got soaked but the blast from the jet washed the girls in the boat next to us back up onto the shore! It was hilarious and we then had to explain to the group that Kate worked for the company and that she was going to be targeted all day. We were then of course treated like lepers and no one dared get within 10 feet of our boot. Our guide tried to set us up again a bit further down the river. I helped by grounding us on some shallow rocks and jumping out of the boat leaving Kate as a sitting duck for the jet boat. It came flying around the corner and true to form, turned away from her at the last minute sending a huge wave over the boat and dousing her in icy cold glacial water. Hee hee. She wasn't that soaked and took it all in good spirit.

Apart from the occasional soaking from jet boats and the bastard sand flies, the day was amazingly relaxing. The fast moving current pretty much sweeps you along and all i had to do was keep the boat facing down stream. I often spun it so we could see the amazing views of the mountains behind us too. It was truly beautiful and i could easily see why it has been voted one of NZs best trips on a number of occasions. At one point i pretty much reclined into a semi recumbent position, tilted my hat forward, gazed upward and chilled. It was pure unadulterated bliss. We stopped for a huge lunch and a wander through the woods before hopping back into the funyaks and negotiating the remaining stretch of river. When we got back to Glenorchy we stopped for a much needed beer before heading home for an early night. It was an amazing day and some awesome pics will follow on facebook i imagine.

Right, have to cut this entry short as more jazz and beers in the park are beckoning me away. I will try and post some more in the next few days.

Peace

D

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Tramping it up a little

I kind of thought that as the season has finished and a lot of my friends have left Qtown that it would all settle down now and i could save myself a bit of money. How wrong i was. One of the appeals of Qtown over say, Wanaka was that it has more of an atmosphere, more of a vibrant scene. It appears that it also doesn't take much to twist my arm at the moment to do anything. Fair enough really as i am not working anymore and my routine has fallen back into pretty much what is was before i got my job at Coronet Peak. I get up, i go online, i make dinner, i go to bed. Not exactly hectic. So when the offer of interaction and socialising has cropped up over the last week i have relished it and thrown myself toward it. Gotta make the most of my last few weeks in Qtown after all. Now it has never taken a lot of persuassion to get me to play poker, especially since i have re-found my passion for it. Dicks has also really gotten into it over the past few weeks too. And to think, i had to near beg him to come and play a game with me a month ago. Kate is also quite partial to a game, as you may well know, so it is easy for me to convince her to come out too. Before you know it you are playing in nearly all the games Qtown has to offer (4 - not including the casino). My current form continued as i came 4th at Frankton (with Kate coming 3rd - her best performance in ages) and again smashing everybody to win back to back weeks at Rattlesnake. My win at Rattles was probably the highlight of my short poker career. Mainly because at one point on the final table i had only 6 chips left and the other guy had all the rest. I think it worked out i had$30,000 and he had around $350,000! There is an old saying in poker though that to win a game all you need is a chip and a chance. I proved it that night. The guy i beat works in a casino and he bullied us all and talked so much trash it made a lot of people lose their cool and play tilt (tilt means you play a bit crazy). I on the other hand ignored his bullshit and managed to out play his ass. From 30,000 to all the chips and victory in about 10 hands! The guy didn't know what hit him. Shaun, who runs the tournaments told the guy to not have any hard feelings as he had just been beat by one of Qtowns finest, a poker superstar (his words not mine). Made my head swell somewhat but i felt amazing as we left. It was such a good way to win. The guy i beat had bullied and trash talked people all night long and i felt i gave him his come uppance. I joked with Shaun that after that performance i was going to change my name to "Amarillo-not-so-slim" after the legendary poker player "Amarillo slim." So, another $50 bar tab now sits snuggly in my wallet which means i have to do it all over again next Tuesday. I don't really care if i win another tournament in my life because beating that bully was the sweetest victory i will probably ever have (pats own back and imagines everyone hoisting me onto their shoulders and parading me through the school canteen to cheers as the local bully cowers under a table in the corner).

It hasn't all been beer and poker this week though my friends. I went and played golf again. This time with Billy, Talis and one of the doctors from the hill. We had much more of a laugh this time as the weather was a lot nicer. I hadn't realised just how competitive Billy actually was. I watched him smack balls on the driving range before we played and could see him watching all the competition and commenting on how he was going to beat us. Maybe he has a slight case of little man syndrome sometimes but after the first few holes it was all over really. I played really really badly but still managed to whoop them all. I do have the distinct advantage of all those years of playing at quite a high level though. It was good fun though and a welcome change to be outside in the sunlight.

On Kates days off this week we decided to go tramping. Remember, tramping is what the Kiwis call hiking. It is not when you grow a beard, sleep with a cardboard duvet in a shopping trolley under a bridge drinking your own urine whilst shouting at pigeons (as fun as that may sound). So i dusted off the old hiking boots and Kate led me out to the Glenorchy road. On her commute to work she is driven along the Glenorchy road to er, Glenorchy, of course. It is a stunning road that skirts the lake and gives you amazing views of the Mt Aspiring national park. Basically it showcases the proper mountains in the area. Don't get me wrong, the Remarkables aren't called that to be facetious, but they can't hold a candle to Mt Earnslaw and the huge snow capped peaks in Mt Aspring national park. Kate reckoned we should do this hike from 7 mile delta all the way to Bobs cove, which should have been about 3-4 hours return. I thought she was being a bit adventurous on our first hike in months but let her lead me off into the bush. After no more than 50 metres she decided that the descent down the cliffs was too steep and that we should head back to Biff. I thought it wasn't too bad but she was worried more about the ascent on the way back. I relented and we headed back to Biff and drove a bit further down the road to Bobs cove. We parked up and Kate decided we would do the hike from there to 12 mile delta which was gonna be around 2 hours. I agreed but before we could set off she decided we were in the wrong spot and that she didn't want to do the hike. Now by this time i was getting a little frustrated and had to suppress my urges to hold her face down in the lake whilst repeatedly hitting the back of her head with a rock! I enhanced my calm and we got back into Biff and headed further down the coast to 12 mile delta. We headed off the road and got to the car park at 12 mile delta but this time we didn't even get out of the van as Kate vetoed it for some other reason. My frustration began to bubble over again. She was just lucky i didn't have any sharp, or in fact blunt instruments in the front seat. Not for her, but for ending my own existence!! We then decided we would continue up the road to Kinloch and to the start of the Routeburn track. The Routeburn and Milford tracks are considered some of the most amazing walks in the world, not just NZ. They are 4-5 day hikes but you can walk the track for a little bit and then head back. So we eventually found our way to the start of the track but at the last minute decided to veer off and in fact walk the Sylvan lake track. So what had started the day as a 3-4 hour steep hike in fact ended up as a 1.5 hours gentle stroll through the forest to Lake Sylvan. It was stunning though to be fair. They filmed a lot of the lord of the rings films in the local forests so there was a real middle earth feel to it. If you have seen the movies i think they filmed Fangorn forest and the bit with the Ents there. The lake was extremely secluded and was very pretty too. We hung out on one of it's beaches and ate home made cookies in the sunshine before heading back to Biff. When we got to him Kate reckoned we should try driving to the Rees valley which was sort of on the way home and was supposed to be stunnning too. So we headed out toward it but stopped on the road to it when we were faced with a sign which read "Backcountry road: beware of fjords and deep trenches." Now Biff doesn't really have 'fjords' and 'deep trenches' in his vocabulary but we pushed on to check it out. After about 10km we rounded a corner and were greeted with a small fjord bisecting the road. I got out to inspect it and reckoned we could get through it but after some thought and the realisation that we were 15km from the nearest town and had no reception on our phones, we decided against it and turned back.

It was a nice introduction back into tramping so the next day we decided to go again. JC and Laura lent us their Wakatipu walks guide and after some deliberation we decided to do a walk out in Arrowtown called "Tobins track." At first i was surprised Kate was up for it as it was described as a continuous gradual climb up to around 900 metres. Even when we got to the bottom of the track and started climbing, i was still unsure that Kate had any idea what she had let herself in for. We eventually made it to the top and were greeted by stunning views of Arrowtown, the wakatipu basin and most importantly, a bench. Kate, extremely red at this point and looking a little like Hellboy, collapsed on to the bench and we rested for a while before heading back down and going home.

In all it was a pretty nice week. I was a little bit disappointed that we didn't road trip it to Mt Hutt but petrol and hotels and money worries sort of killed the buzz. So, the skis have been waxed and stored away in Biff until February when we will get them out again for Salt lake city and it's massive amount of ski resorts. This week i plan to just chill out again until Kate has her days off work. She is trying to make the most of her frontline staff discounts and book us on a couple of trips. Maybe fun-yaking (which is inflatable kayaking) and a trip to the Milford sound. One of the helicopter companies told Kate she can get a free heli-trip to Milford and that i'll get 50% off too. Sounds gnarly but even with 50% off it'll still cost about $200-400. Still, how many times in your life are you given the opportunity to be helicoptered into one of the most beautiful places on earth? We shall see.

So guys, i will let you know how these last few weeks in Qtown go.

Peace

D

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That's really all folks.............

So, now the season is really over................maybe. The Remarks closed yesterday so that is that for skiing in Qtown. Except, Mt Hutt is still open and only 5 hours drive away!! I'm thinking road trip. Maybe. Already have Talis (the dude from dodgeball) and the German (ski instructor from the Remarks - not sure of her real name) interested so might have to go on an epic road trip to Methven and ski Mt Hutt. Especially since they are still open and have had 50cms of snow this week!! Sick!

So the Remarks closed yesterday. I skied it for the last 2 days and had such a contrast in my riding. On Saturday i skied like a total gimp. My skis just weren't going where i told them to and i fell over all the time. I hit this ledge which i have hit all season and landed all season, but for some reason on Saturday i fell over on it. At first i blamed the snow but after a while i started to doubt my skis. I met up with the rentals crowd and started to ride the baby park they have there. I had no confidence so apart from the gay box and a few little jumps i avoided everything. I left the Remarks thoroughly disappointed and wondered if i should just hang my skis up for the season. It didn't help that Talis and the German took me on this massive hike to hit these massive chutes and half way up i had an asthma attack and had to come down. I imagine it's what skiing with my sister Kes is like, if she ever skis. I panicked a wee bit as haven't had an asthma attack in years and my inhaler was down the mountain. Ski patrol were on me like a rash and offered to ski me down but i was able to make it to the bottom in one piece. I was disappointed though as the chutes (a run called escalator) were supposed to be super steep and gnarly, just the way i like it. So i got down from the Remarks in a foul mood and wasn't going to go up yesterday for the last day of the season. I relented though and went up, couldn't end the season on a sour note eh? I got a lift from Billy so had him and the rentals crew with me all day. I checked my skis out too and found that one of the bindings had worked its way backward so i had no forward pressure (very technical). It meant it would randomly pop itself off my foot for no reason. So i adjusted that and tightened up my DINS (more technical shit) and was good to go again. I took my helmet too so had no excuses for avoiding anything in the park. Well, apart from the fact that big fat dudes and huge jumps don't really go well together. I hit a few boxes and threw myself off of some little jumps before eyeing up the huge jump at the bottom of the park. I have thought about hitting it all season but have pussied out. It is probably smaller than the one big jump we had at Coronet earlier in the season which i hit loads but at Remarks there is always an audience as it is under the chairlift. I avoided it for most of the day but in the afternoon i had a "fuck it-all in" moment and went for it. Now as i have mentioned, fat dudes and big jumps just don't mix. I had way too much speed when i hit it and nearly cleared the whole thing and landed on the flat (which is how you break your legs!!). Managed to save it and land but the shock of 100kgs of lard hitting the ground caused me to fall as i rode away. All very gay but i was super stoked that i hit it. It didn't matter whether i rode away clean or landed in a twisted heap, i did it and i didn't hurt myself. YAY!!

Filled with mucho confidence we then decided to go hiking. Now fat guys and hiking also don't mix! (shit, skiing and being over weight is proper hazardous!) After my asthma attack the previous day i was sceptical i would even make it to the top of the 2 hikes we attempted. I had my inhaler and strapped my skis to my rucksack so i was much better prepared. Hiking in ski boots sucks sweaty balls though!! It was super hard work but well worth the effort. I got to the top of the viewpoint at Remarks and was greeted by the most amazing view. I could see Qtown and lake Wakatipu below me and the southern alps stretching off into the distance. After i finally got my breath back (the air is much thinner at the top of a mountain remember) i was in total awe. It was stunning. It helped that the weather was a total bluebird (which means amazing). What sucked though was that i forgot my camera! So there i was, literally sitting on top of the world with the most amazing view, beer in hand and no frickin camera. Oh well. I got the guys to take a pic of me just to prove i was there though. Hopefully they will post it on Facebook or somethin. After a while for us all to recover we skied down this crazy steep bit and went for lunch.

After lunch the guys started talking about hiking up the other side of the mountain to Escalator, the run where i nearly died from an asthma attack! I decided i would go for it. So after hiking up this massive mountain, in ski boots, for what seemed like forever we made it to the top and had a much needed beer. The escalator run lay before us and it was insanely steep with loads of jagged rocks everywhere. Now, i have skied some pretty gnarly runs before (delirium dive in Banff is crazy!) but this totally took the biscuit. It was not only steep but stupidly narrow too. It was shaded as well so had a really firm crust to the snow. Not good when you really really don't want to fall. Falling pretty much ensures you are fucked as it was so steep there was no way of stopping yourself from crashing into the jagged rocks. We started the run and it wasn't long before i was in the zone! You have to really jump turn on the really steep stuff but after a few turns, and the huge fricking hike, my legs gave up and i stacked it. I slid for about 20 metres but managed to rescue myself and get back up onto my skis before i hit a huge rock. We all stopped and composed ourselves. I think i reminded the guys just how dangerous the run was. It didn't help that it kept avalanching too. Just little ones but enough to hurt when it hit you when you stopped. The snow was hard and crusty remember. We traversed down before we hit this really narrow neck between 2 cliffs. The German just fucking straight lined it (the crazy bitch) but the rest of us had to side slip it, which caused more avalanches. We got past it though and then gunned it outta there. The German was waiting for us on a small flat ridge and as i caught up with her, my legs gave in again and i tumbled into her. It was funny. I never knew Germans actually had a sense of humour. At first i thought she was gonna freak out and invade Poland or something but she was Uber cool about it. We skied back to the main runs and that was it. I was super tired but was a little gutted when i realised the lifts had stopped. I was however super stoked that i did the hikes and did some crazy gnarly runs, oh and that i avoided breaking my neck. Always a bonus.

Other than an epic final day at the Remarks my week has been pretty timid. Have tried to cut down on my drinking as it was draining the bank account quicker than i can drain a Jager-bomb (or Jager-ma-bomb as i am trying to get the world to say - you have to say it like Homer says "saxa-ma-phone" in the Simpsons though). I did however play poker a few times this week. I did well too. It was also the first night back for the old Rattlesnake tournament that me and Kate used to play. It was how we first got into poker here in NZ so i got all nostalgic when we got there. It was really weird being back there. The barmaid Rachel saw us and came and gave us huge hugs, and cheap beer too. It feels like i have gone full circle in that i started off my season playing poker at Rattlesnake and i am now gonna end it there, it feels right. I was gutted when it got shut down because it was so much fun and we made so many friends through it, but it's back baby! I of course finally found an incentive to play proper poker again and smashed everybody! It was my first win in ages as i have just not been too bothered about poker recently. I have fallen back in love with it recently and have put in some more consistent performances but it's not like the olden days were i made something stupid like 25 final tables in a row! I have this huge rep in Qtown poker circles now but for the last month or so i have preferred to go out with friends instead of playing cards. My new found enthusiasm though will hopefully let me leave Qtown on a poker high. $50 bar tabs are much more of an incentive too now that i am not working!

So no other dramas here really. I of course will endeavour to let you know how these last few weeks in Qtown go. Now then, what was i thinking about..................Oh yeah, ROAD TRIP!!!

Peace

D

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That's all folks..............

Again, sorry to the 2 people who actually read this blog for my delay with this post.
So, it's all over. Coronet Peak has closed for the 2009 season. What a last few days though. I mentioned in my earlier post that the season wasn't going without a fight but this week it went crazy. Like a heavyweight slumped against the ropes almost about to get knocked out the season suddenly sprung back to life and hit the close date with a left hook and won the world title. What I'm trying to say is that 2 days before we closed we got hit by a massive winter blast which dumped 25cm (yes, 25cm!!) of awesome dry white powder on us. On Thursday i worked as a lifty and was trudging through knee deep wet slush but on Friday i was trudging through knee deep amazing snow! What a difference a day makes. It was epic!! So cool being a lifty on a powder day too as all i did was ski my ass off with the other lifties. It was so much fun. The last week at work has been a sombre affair. I did 4 shifts as a lifty as Toshi decided to cut my hours to just 8! So lifts embraced me and i was a proper lifty for the week. Actually running the lifts too. A lot of responsibility but so much fun. I got to shout abuse at stupid Australians who were too gormless to realise that a massive chairlift was about to scoop them off. They don't have a clue i swear to god. It almost made up for being told how their coins are different to NZ coins about a hundred times a day for the last few months. Almost, but not quite. I did take out my frustration on a few unsuspecting clients though by hurling snowballs at them. Managed to hit a few perfect shots too. I have discovered that the perfect snowball shot is not a hit to the face or anything but a shot to the back of the head. It is relatively safe, it looks hilarious and they get snow all down the inside of their jacket. Perfect shots are the way forward.


My shift in the shop last week was cool as i took in my guitar. It has been super quiet and in a drunken conversation earlier in the week i had promised Dicks i would bring it in as he hasn't played guitar for 18 months. We had an awesome little jam session. At the end of the day there was me, Dicks, Richard and Gemma all sitting on the counter singing "your beautiful" by James Blunt. We kept stopping for the really high pitched chorus so i said i was gonna play it one more time and we all had to go for it. So there we were singing our heads off but all stopped again at the high pitched bit. Except Richard who gave it all he had. Eyes closed, fist clenched in a boy band style, looking to the heavens. What he hadn't realised was that Dicks was holding his radio to Richards mouth and had just broadcast him singing across the whole mountain!! I nearly wet myself when i realised what he had done. My next day as a lifty a few of them were talking about some dude warbling over the radio the day before so i told them the story and they thought it was pretty funny too. Sorry Rich.


After work we all went into town for a few drinks with the rental crew. I still had my guitar with me and we all ended up serenading the staff in KFC. We were a wee bit tipsy but they seemed to enjoy our rendition of "your beautiful." Didn't give us any free chicken though the tight bastards. To be fair we probably cleared out the restaurant. Oops.
So the last week has been filled with more merriment. I have started to fall back in love with poker again so we played a few times last week. It's amazing how much better i do when i am enthusiastic. I got 4th the other night which i was well happy with. We then went to Frankton for a tournament that we haven't been to before. I imagine we will go again as my housemate Laura smashed everyone and won her first ever tournament. She played awesome and took out some big names along the way, including me! Revenge will be sweet and swift though. Ba hahahahahahahahah! (Evil cackle)


We also hit the links this week. Yes, actually played golf! Kate, me, JC, Laura and Dicks all bowled down to the little nine hole course in Frankton. Not really what i'd call a proper course but still better than Northolt. We hired some clubs (2 sets between 5 of us) and went round in a big 5-ball. Totally illegal in the UK but here they didn't seem to mind as long as we didn't hold up play. Laura had never played before and JC had only been to pitch and putt so i thought it would be a nightmare but it was really fun. I played OK on the front nine and was 6 over. Not bad considering i triple bogeyed the 2nd hole. The guys struggled a little and after nine i thought we were pretty much done but to my suprise they wanted to go around again. The pro in the shop had told us we could do 9 or 18 holes for the same price so we did the full compliment. The back 9 was brutal though as the sun dipped behind the hills and the wind began to howl. It was freezing by the time we finished and the beer in the pub after was greatly needed. It was a hoot though and definately worth doing again in the next few weeks. Seems a few of the guys from work are keen to join us next time. Maybe we'll make up a 12-ball or something. They don't seem to mind.


Sorry, so yeah yesterday was the final day. There was a summer theme so we all wore shorts and flip flops or hula skirts. A few girls wore bikinis over their uniforms, which i liked a lot. I worked in the shop but managed to get out for a 2 hour ride break. Told Billy i was nipping out for a bit and just disappeared. He has done it to me all season so i don't feel bad. It was awesome. At one point there were about 20 of us. All staff on our ride breaks. We went to the greengates area of the hill and ripped it to shreds! By the time we got to the bottom there were only 5 of us. We seemed to lose most of the guys who i imagine went over to the exchange, which is a really sweet bit of the mountain. Our other housemate JC met up with us and we went back up. I got a bit emotional on the lift up as it dawned on me that these were going to be my last few runs at Coronet. I wasn't crying or anything but i had a moment. When we got off the lift JC and I led the less experienced guys through a sweet powder run. A few of them loved it but Gemma hated it. She hasn't really skied off piste before. I gave her lots of encouragement and she did really well but in the end i had to lead her back to the groomed run. When i got there i saw this massive drop off into what looked like a sweet bowl. As it was the last few of the season and i wasn't bothered about breaking my leg i decided i would jump of it. I nailed the landing and was super stoked! I met back up with the guys and told them about the drop. JC wanted to hit it with me so on the next run i led him to it. The other guys just watched as i launched myself off it. It was probably the biggest air i have gotten. I was so happy. Nailed the landing again and rode away clean. Actually felt like a pro!! Ah yeah! I then pretty much straight lined it down. I over took everyone in sight, even one of the ski patrol, and those guys fooking gun it! I stopped at another little lip and waited for the guys to catch me up. I surveyed the mountain from my little vantage point and let it all sink in. When the guys caught me up i launched myself off the ledge and rode in. As last runs go it was amazing. I walked in, dumped my skis and got changed. I then reflected on the season all afternoon in the shop. Billy finished on a half day so i was in the store all by myself. A few of the guys from all over the resort came in to see me and gave me a few sneaky shots of vodka but mostly i just chilled. When we closed we all headed up to the deck for a BBQ and free booze. It was so much fun. Our boss congratulated us all on the best season they had ever had (i think it had a lot to do with us in the shop selling over 500k! - mainly Bolle, LOL!). We all danced and drunk then some dude decided we should all race down the hill on trays so most of F&B climbed up the hill a little and slid down on their little trays. A few guys stacked it big time (Richard included) and suddenly realised that sledding in shorts and flip flops is never really a good idea! After we drunk the bar dry we all headed into town for a proper big piss up. It was awesome. I felt i had united a lot of the mountain as lifts, rentals and some of F&B were with my usual little posse. One of the lifties asked me if i could be her midwife too which for me is the ultimate compliment. I told her to fuck off!


No i should of for comedy value but it was such a sweet thing to say. The team leader of lifts also asked me if i wanted to be a lifty next year. I said if i was in NZ I'd be there. I also got told that i was an amazing skier by one of the patrol. I always thought i was OK but for them to say that, again i was emotional. I have worked so hard on my skiing this season and it looks to have paid off. When i mentioned it to a few of the guys they all agreed. Spence from Lifts said he thought i was awesome which made my head swell even more. I think a lot of it has stemmed from the last few days of really good snow. I have gone from some anonymous guy only known to a few who hides out in the shop all day to a recognisable bloke who now everyone knows. They have seen me flying around the hill all season but haven't known who i am, until now. With the snow being so good and it being the end of a long season i have pretty much said "fuck it!" and gone for everything i have seen. I am proud that i have. Carpe Diem and all that (nods towards heaven).


Last night was also Richards last real chance of getting his ESPB (End of season panic bonk). Rich believes that as the season comes to a close people will panic and all start shagging each other. People will either lose their inhibition, or realise they have no more chances to pull the cute guy from work and just go for it. He is a really nice and witty guy but for some reason he has not had much luck with the ladies. Everyone in Q town is boning each other but sadly Rich has missed out. He is quite a camp guy (being the youngest male and having 4 older sisters, maybe?) to be fair but he is lovely. I think he is one of those guys who is forever in the 'friend zone' though. Me, Gemma and Dicks have all tried unsuccessfully to be his wing men/women but all we managed to get was Jo (who is smoking hot btw!) from rentals to sit on his lap for a picture. Pretty lame effort really. I guess there is still a little bit of the season left (Remarks is open for another week) and i imagine we will hit the town a few more times so never say die Rich.


So, i have a few more shifts in the shop. Ironic that this week I'll be working more in the shop than i have for the last few weeks and we have closed already. We have to pack up the store, stock take and all that which will be super dull but it is much needed beer money. After that i intend to go hit the Remarks for their last few days. Hopefully the warm weather will stay away for a little bit longer so the 30cms of snow they have had will stick around. I have one more challenge left for season. One of the parks at Remarks is called the stash and it has a hut which you can ride up to, jump onto then get a massive air off. It looks gnarly. JC broke himself on it a few weeks back which has scared me off a little bit but maybe on the final day i might (just might) do it. Gulp


So this week will be full of meaningful reflection and self analysis on how the season has been. Nah, we'll just get pissed i reckon. Rich still has to get his ESPB after all.


Peace

D

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