Ho ho ho Mo Fo's!

So we have managed to finally get away from Whangarei. That sounds horrible as it was bliss being at Danny and Catherines with their huge comfy bed, sky TV and big bath tub. Biff is sorted. He went in for his rust repairs and Danny and myself tidied up the body work after he had been welded. Seems I’m a bit of an amateur panel beater. We bogged (filled) in all the rough edges, sanded him down then spray painted him and coined the phrase "bog and blend" which we have been saying to everything (Kate saw a burnt out car the other day and reckoned it’d be fine after a bit of bog and blend!). We were up until midnight to get it all done before Catherines parents arrived for Christmas but it was worth it. So originally we got quoted $2500 to get him fixed but in the end it cost us just $250! Really made up as he now has his WOF (warrant of fitness) for another 6 months and after we sell him he is someone else’s problem.

Best thing though about being in Whangarei was that they have the best Dominos pizza in NZ. They won some award so we had to give it a go. We ordered 4 pizzas online plus some little pastries for pudding. When they delivered them they had forgotten Kates pizza and hadn’t given us any extra cheese on them. Kate rang to complain so they sent us the whole order again! We sat down to 7 pizzas and 2 boxes of pastries. Danny somehow crammed in both his pizzas while the rest of us had them for breakfast and lunch the next day. Result eh?

Kate will probably argue that the best thing about Whangarei was the fact that she got asked for I.D when we bought some thank you beers for Danny. It totally made her day as you can imagine. I remember the last time I got I.D’d and it does make you feel very special for that split second until you give them your I.D and they realise that you are actually over 30!

We left Whangarei then headed north to Kerikeri, so good they named it twice. Totally true as well as the town was beautiful. Quite modern looking too. The far north of NZ is quite long and thin with the land between the Tasman sea and the Pacific ocean sometimes only 10km away from each other. It is also a very spiritual place for it is believed that Cape Reinga at the northern tip is where Maori spirits depart for the underworld. In Maori legend their spirits walk up 90 mile beach on the west coast, past through Matapia, which is a huge hole in the rock of an off shore island. Then to an ancient Pohutakowa tree at Cape Reinga where they pass through the roots of the tree into the sea and travel back to Hawikie, which is the Polynesian island that the Maori people originate from. Amazingly, the pohutakowa tree is still there and spookily has never ever flowered. We got a bus tour up 90 mile beach (which is actually about 60 miles long) and saw the hole in the rock too. As we got to the northern tip of the beach we all got out and climbed these enormous sand dunes with boogie boards to go dune surfing. I made it to the top of one dune and nearly collapsed! I don’t know what happened. I thought I was having an asthma attack and a hypoglycaemic episode all at once. I waited for it to pass but it never so I crawled over to the edge of the dune and threw myself off on my board. I got to the bottom and staggered over to the bus feeling very faint. Kate kept an eye on me as I slumped against the coach. I felt a little better after a banana and some water but it was a good hour before I was right again. It was bizarre! I joked that it was because I was so unfit but I don’t know what it was and don’t care to experience it again.

On the bus route we stopped at the ancient Kauri kingdom workshop. Basically the Kauri tree is the second largest tree in the world. Thousands of years ago, before all the deforestation that the europeans carried out, loads of Kauri trees were mysteriously felled. They’re not sure why but think it may have been some sort of huge tsunami. These felled trees were absorbed into the ground as they were so heavy and some were covered in swamps. These trees are still being found totally preserved even though they are around 30-45,000 years old! They make furniture out of them so I had high hopes of getting a box for my brother. Alas, the biggest box was a cigar box made from 45,000 year old wood. It would’ve been an awesome final resting place for my brother but I guess I’ll have to keep looking. Sigh.

So we left Kerikeri yesterday and drove back south to the Coramandel peninsula. It was a massive 400km trek and brought our 2-day total of travelling to 1000km! We drove along the Pohutakowa coast and numerous blooming trees before arriving in the town of Coramandel. We are right next to the beach and the sunsets have been stunning so far.

As I write this it is Christmas day and it feels so strange being in the sunshine listening to Xmas songs on the laptop and being so far away from my family. I got a text from my little sister who reminded me that this is her first Christmas without seeing me. It made me quite sad but I have made this choice to travel and although the things I have seen and done this past year will never make up for missing a family Christmas, I am still content. I’ll ring my family tonight and wish them all a merry Christmas but words can not purvey just how much I am missing them. Christmas is such a family time and I can honestly say I don’t intend to spend another one away from them in the near future. It is scorching today here and by 9.30am it was already 25 degrees. There is not a cloud in the sky either but I’m a winter kind of guy so give me cold and snow at Christmas any day. The fact that the UK has had loads of snow too is sitting rather ill with me and I am supremely jealous! That said, in a few weeks I will be up to my waist in sweet fluffy powder. Oh yeah!

We have finally booked the finishing touches to our homeward travels too this week. We leave NZ on my mums birthday which is less than a month away now. From here we head to Los Angeles. L.A. is not my most favourite American city so when we arrive we head straight to San Diego for 5 days. It’ll be nice to relax and scout out the city and maybe go on a whale watching cruise or something. From there we bus it to Las Vegas in Nevada for a week. Quite a long time to spend in sin city but we hope to go to the Grand canyon too. I wonder if they have any poker in Vegas? I’m sure we will see how we do. From Vegas we head to Salt Lake city in Utah. Salt lake city has some of the best skiing in the states and a ton of resorts so we are there for 10 days. I have a lot of friends working there too which I used to work with at Coronet so might see if we can meet. From Utah we head off to Reno for some more gambling then onto San Francisco which is one of my favourite places. We are there for a week before heading up the coast to Seattle for a few days. After that we head into Canada and to Vancouver Island for a while. We are going for more skiing and more whale watching before heading back over to Vancouver for our wedding Anniversary. From there we have a car which we’ll drive through the rockies to something like 10 ski resorts before getting to Calgary. We finally fly home in April from Edmonton and that will be that. In all I think we are in North America for nearly 3 months. I am so looking forward to it too. I can’t wait to get back on my skis but also want to show Kate so many of my favourite places.

Anyway, Kate is cooking our Christmas dinner of Moroccan chicken and cous cous. We thought about a BBQ but it just seems such a cliched thing to do while we are here, plus we had so many BBQ’s in Whangarei. Thank you all for your messages of encouragement for Biff, he is back in our good books, hopefully for the rest of our time here.

Merry Christmas to you all from the sun kissed beaches of New Zealand. I would swap it for the cold and snow of home in a heartbeat though. I miss you all so much. HO HO HO MO FO’s!!

Peace

D

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Biff issues

So, another eventful week has passed here. We are currently back up with Danny and Catherine in Whangarei. It is so nice to be in a proper bed, have a nice bath and be with our friends again. Rotorua was fun, once you got over the stench of eggs, or "iggs" as they are pronounced here. The campsite we stayed in had a cool swimming pool which, for once wasn't over run by annoying squealing children which meant we could have a relaxing swim in the summer sun. Kate of course got burnt, but managed to even up the sun burn on her chest so she no longer has just one burnt boob. We did quite a lot in our few days we spent in Rotorua. We went to Te Puia which is a large Moari run geothermal park. It was huge and we traipsed around the boiling mudpools and geysers in the hot sun. They also had a wood carving studio there and i was hopeful of finally getting a nice carved box for my brother to settle into. However the boxes were all too small. I have seen one i like but it's way too small. We have looked all over NZ and have seen some amazingly intricately carved tribal style boxes, but every single one is only jewellery box sized. The hunt continues.

We went zorbing too as Rotorua is the only place in NZ that does it. For the uneducated, a zorb is a huge inflatable ball within an even bigger inflatable ball. Basically you climb ino the inner ball and they roll you down the side of a hill. It was awesome. We hydro zorbed which meant they filled the inner ball with a bit of warm water, then rolled you down the hill. We did the zig zag track too just to proper mess ourselves up. Kate went first and i could hear her squeals and laughs as she hurtled down the track. When it came to my try i of course embarrassed myself. The way you get into a zorb is through a little porthole which you have to run then dive into. On doing this i managed to dive into the zorb in one swift movement but managed to hook my swimming shorts as i dived in. This meant that as i landed in the inner ball of the zorb my shorts were around my ankles! Very graceful but unfortunately quite nude. I apologised to the poor maori dude who was helping but he was already running off clutching his face in pain and screaming something about how his eyes felt like they now had herpes! Oops. So i jumped up and like some sort of huge hamster, rolled my ball onto the track before being thrown around and drenched as it rolled off down the hillside. I imagine it is similar to a cross between a bouncy castle and being in a washing machine. I made it to the bottom were you are ceremoniously "birthed" out of the zorb. They unzip the porthole and you slide out of with all the water. It totally looked like the zorb has just given birth to a wet, disorientated 6 foot baby! Awesome fun though and quite cheap by NZ standards. Definitely something i recommend.

We also went to a Maori evening with the local Mitai tribe. They show you life in an old Maori village and some of their customs, before being greeted by a huge war canoe full of kitted out warriors. You then have a big meal that is cooked in the ground called a 'hangi' When we went outside to see the hangi being unveiled our guide asked us what it was. We all shouted back "hangi!" She then asked if we could smell it? To which one dumb American tourist behind me smugly shouted "H-A-N-G-I" I of course turned and informed her that she said smell, not spell. Her partner also told her this and she then went on to admit that she had never been so embarrassed. I of course found it all hilarious. Our guide, who was this huge tattooed Maori women then led us into a big hall and we had dinner. It was well nice and i stuffed my face with lamb, chicken, kumara and stuffing. I decided that it was gonna be the closest thing we are going to have to a Christmas dinner this year.

I also noticed the similarities between the big tattooed Maori lady and my mum. Maybe there is some Maori blood in us mum? I mean, you are pretty big (tall not fat), you cook an awesome roast and you have tattoos. Hmmm , something to ponder. Any good with a spear?

We also spent some time in the Polynesian spa that they have down by the lake. All the geothermal phenomenon around make it an awesome setting for spas and the Polynesian spa is rated among the top ten in the world. I just sat in the various eggy hot pools while Kate when for a mud polish or something like that. Basically we left very relaxed but stunk of eggs for a few days as it had permeated our skin.

We then headed north and stayed the night in Takapuna beach which is just north of Auckland. It felt very weird driving back through Auckland. I initially liked the place but on further travels around NZ you get to see just how everyone else here loathes it and the people who live there. They are affectionaltely called JAFFAs which stands for "Just another fucking friendly Aucklander" and relates to how Aucklanders are very demanding and unfriendly. Well, only by NZ standards. I guess it's the same with every big city in the world though but you don't want to be a JAFFA in New Zealand. Same as back home really were the term means you are unable to produce children.

Takapuna beach was nice though and we strolled along the golden sand, explored rock pools and i sat in the shade of the pehoutakowa (not sure on that spelling) trees and played my guitar to the waves. It was extremely relaxing. Pehoutakowa trees are also called Christmas trees as they bloom around now and have very vibrant red flowers. I guess that from a distance and with a little imagination, they kinda look like baubles too i guess.

So we are now in Whangarei again. We got here the other day and took Biff to get his WOF. He of course failed. He has a rough wheel bearing which isn't a big deal to sort but also has a lot of new rust from our days at the sea side. The rust failed him big time so we are having to get that sorted. Danny has hooked us up with some dodgy panel beater who reckons he can do it on the cheap for us. So we are without Biff for the weekend but Danny and Catherine have lent us one of their 3 cars. We went to the park the other day to kill a bit of time and i ended up saving a stranded dachshund from a stream! We were walking back to the car park when we heard this man cry out. I went to investigate and saw this elderly gent on his knees trying to get into the stream. I asked him if he was alright but he was clearly distressed. I went over and noticed his tubby little sausage dog had fallen into the stream and due to the steep banks was stuck. I jumped over the stream and crouched down to lift the poor wet dog out for the old guy. He was very appreciative and said he had a dodgy heart and feared he'd have lost his dog. I watched him for a while just to make sure he didn't keel over from the stress but he was fine and i walked back over to Kate. She was more interested in laughing at how i had jumped off a little ledge to go help the old guy and had slipped over and fell. She can be so immature sometimes! I saved a bloody dog! I felt a bit better about myself and even forgot about Biff for a split second. I'm sure he will be fine but it is just a huge pain in the arse for us. It means our 3 days stopover with Danny and Cat is now looking more like a week. They are cool about it all but i don't want to put them out. Danny has already spent time taking Biff apart to see if we could get away with just cleaning up and re greasing his dodgy bearing. They seem to be fine with it though.

It was Catherines birthday the other day so we went up toward Tutukaka and to a nice secluded beach called Sandy bay. It was awesome to be on the beach but sheltered by the huge pehoutakowa trees. Kate didn't even get burnt! I amused myself by making a sand sculpture of a stingray and a dolphin which both came out better than i expected. We then went to Woolleys bay again, the site of our body boarding exploits from our previous visit. We decided to stay in the car this time though as it was getting cold. Danny and Catherine braved the sea while we watched from the warmth of the car. I got involved in my ipod while Kate got distracted by a dog which meant we failed to notice both Danny and Catherine get caught in a riptide and dragged out to sea! They weren't dragged out too far and made it back OK so no harm done eh? Oops.

So we are here for a few more days then might head to the northern tip of NZ before heading back to the Coromendal peninsula for new year. We want to be in close proximity to Auckland so we can try and sell Biff. That is unless he fails his WOF again and i drive him off a bloody cliff!

Peace

D

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Te moko

So we are back "up north" albeit a very different kind of "up north" than we are used to back home. Our ferry crossing to Wellington was pretty uneventful but seemed to take forever. No pod of 300 dolphins this time though. We bypassed Wellington deciding to stay in Upper Hutt, which is a town just north of the NZ capital. It was purely a place to break up the drive so first thing in the morning we got back on the road and headed up to Napier. Napier is famous for a few things. It was destroyed by an earthquake in the 1930s and rebuilt in the art deco styling of that era. In fact it is the one of the biggest collections of art deco buildings in the world. I was expecting South beach in Miami but it was thoroughly disappointing. Near enough every town we have visited in NZ conforms to the same dull architecture. Square shops with a huge awning style porch that protrudes out over the sidewalk. Napier was no different except the art deco stores had fancy window frames and a few elaborate coving style features. Not exactly south beach in any respect of the word. It was however an extremely beautiful drive in. The main tree lined parade runs along the sea front and in the hot summer sun it looked so refreshing and welcoming. We only really stopped in Napier to stock up on supplies and figure out our next route though.

We decided to head further along the coast to Gisborne. Gisborne is a place that is rarely visited by tourists as it’s only famous for the spot where Captain Cook and his crew first landed in NZ. They met with a local Maori tribe and misinterpreted the tribes welcome ritual and ended up killing most of them! Maori welcome greetings are pretty scary though. We saw one at the official opening to the NZ winter games back in Qtown. On the drive up we stopped at the Morere hot springs for a quick dip to soothe our aching arses (long road trips aren’t great for the gluteus maximus). A coach load of seniors had arrived literally minutes before us and we feared we’d have to share the springs with lots of wrinkly oldies. They were actually really nice. Their cruise ship had been quarantined in Gisborne so they had a free day. When I asked where they were cruising to they told me they were on a natural history cruise to the Antarctic! Kate preceded to give them all the stink eye from then on as it has long been a dream of hers to go there.

We also drove past the Tui brewery. Tui is one of my favourite beers here. It’s a dark ale that, at 4% leaves you feeling pretty fresh in the morning. I jokingly texted Dicks and told him that we had driven past the brewery and that they had a huge banner on the outside that read "Thank you Darrell and Dickon for a record breaking winter." Me and Dicks nearly drunk Qtown dry after all.

As we neared Gisborne though all the electrics in Biff decided to cut out. The radio cut off and the window wipers stopped working. Luckily it was 25 degrees and sunny but we were obviously concerned. We made it to our campsite right on the beach where I stupidly turned the engine off. That was it, Biff died on us. He wouldn’t start. It felt like a flat battery but we had just driven for 4 hours so it should’ve been well charged. We called the AA who sent a little dude to save us. He charged the battery but said it looked like our alternator was fucked. I followed him to his workshop and he had a proper look. He said we’d need to leave Biff with him overnight and he’d get it fixed in the morning. Only problem with that was that we had no where to sleep and had already paid for the campsite for the night. The little dude came up with a solution. He changed the battery in Biff for free so we could use him overnight and then bring him back in the morning. This was a life saver. We took Biff in the next morning and by lunchtime he was ready to go again. He didn’t need a new alternator after all, just the brushes changed?! It worked out as pretty cheap too which was a result.

While Biff was in repair we took it upon ourselves to explore the town and to be honest it was lovely. Yes, there wasn’t a lot to do from a tourists point of view but it was very chilled out and we spent time wandering the town and sea front. On our little jaunt along the coast we noticed a dolphin just in the surf, not more than 75 metres out to sea. It was frolicking and playing with surfers. We watched it for a while before going to pick up Biff. When we got back to the campsite we could see the dolphin still playing with people in the surf. The local paper ran a story about it and the potential dangers of dolphins. They get quite frisky with the ladies apparently. We decided to stay another day just to enjoy a relaxed day on the beach so this morning I woke up and talked Kate into coming for a paddle with me. It helped that the dolphin was still hanging around.

So we waded out to waist deep water and watched in awe as the dolphin (called Moko – which is a Maori tattoo) brought us little sticks for us to threw. It was an enormous bottlenose and you felt it’s strength as it brushed past you and clipped you with it’s tail. We threw the stick for ages and it retrieved it every time. After a while a few more people headed over and Moko let us stroke him. He did freak out though at one guy and chased him out of the water! Apparently he had done the same thing the previous day and the guy wondered if it had anything to do with his false knee. Maybe, dolphins do have a sixth sense. Maybe it messed with it’s finely tuned magnetic field, or maybe that’s sharks. LOL. I reckon the dolphin sensed that the guy had a dodgy leg and didn’t want him to get hurt. Either way I found it quite amusing to see a dude getting chased by a 2.5 metre long dolphin.

It was the perfect way to start the day in my eyes and the drive from Gisborne to Rotorua went past in a smile induced haze. So that’s where we are now. Rotorua is the thermo geological centre of NZ. It is on a huge lake but has lots of bubbling mud pools and geysers and the air is tinged with the smell of eggy trumps. Luckily I’m used to it with Kates ability to make every digested food smell like eggs and the fact that my family patented the eggy whipton fart back in the 60’s.

We are gonna stay here for a few days as there is a shed load of stuff to do. It is a popular tourist destination for many reasons but the geothermal parks and spas are the main reason we are here.

So a few other things of note. Christmas in the middle of a god damn heat wave is just wrong! The day we left Picton they had their Christmas parade. It was a gorgeous day but I felt so sorry for the dude in the santa costume. I have mentioned before that it seems weird having Christmas in the middle of summer but I am really having a problem with it. Yes, I quite like the bikini clad beauties in the santa hats but I crave the cold and the potential of a near impossible white Christmas. A Christmas tree with tinsel and lights doesn’t quite look right next to palm tree either.

I have seen quite a few of my old work mates too. In Nelson I saw one of the lifties and in Picton I saw another lifty and a girl who used to work in F&B. I know NZ is small but it was nice to see some familiar faces. Unfortunately they were all doosh bags at Coronet so I never spoke to them. I just hid under my cap. I was a fairly recognisable guy at Coronet, what with the huge bright orange beanie, but luckily I have my anonymity back just by wearing a boring cap.

Something that made me near wet myself the other day was something I misheard Kate say. JC and Laura very kindly gave us the rest of a bottle of captain morgans spiced rum when they left for the bush and their jobs on the Milford track. I’m not really a rum fan but Kate has been dipping into it on occasion. We keep the rum stowed away in a box at the back of Biff with some of our wash stuff. Kate picked up the bottle the other day and thought it had leaked as it had liquid on the outside. She licked it off to find it was in fact shower gel! I laughed at that but then asked her what it tasted it like. She replied that it tasted like "semen rules." I double took and looked at her with quite a shocked look on my face. She stopped and asked me "what?" I asked her again what it tasted like and she then pointed out that the shower gel that had leaked on the bottle was actually "sea minerals" I was in bits for ages and hadn’t laughed that hard since I saw a toddler fall head first down a sand dune at the beach the other day.

So that is all for this week folks. We are still slowly meandering our way north and the imminent departure date is now only 6 weeks away. Sigh. Mustn’t dwell on that though as still have tons to look forward to. Including our epic trip home, which I will mention more about in a later blog I think.

So I strongly recommend a morning swim with a dolphin to put in a good mood and set you up for an awesome day. Hopefully Biff won’t get jealous and misbehave again, especially since he is due his MOT next week. Gulp.

Peace

D

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Abel Tasman to Picton....

Howdy everybody, I think the last time I blogged we had left Kaikoura and headed up to the Abel Tasman national park. It was awesome up there and we enjoyed exploring the sandy beaches and the little coves. We strolled along the beach and just enjoyed having the sun on our backs. It was dampened somewhat by Biff acting up. We were just cruising along one day when we heard this massive crash noise from the back. Kate noticed something had fallen off him and told me to pull over. I parked up and ran back down the road to find the cover of Biffs front roof vent. We headed back to the campsite with some araldite, borrowed a ladder and I stuck it back on. It seems Biff got upset with us and quite literally blew his top! Kate joked that he probably just needed to vent all the farts trapped inside him. We were a bit dubious about driving anywhere too far until we knew the vent would stick so only really went to the local Pupu (yes that was really what they were called) springs. They are a sacred Maori spring which produces the clearest water in Australaisa. Shame they were sacred as it would’ve been an awesome place to snorkel. Especially since the visibility of the water was something crazy like 60 metres which is about as clear as water gets!

Anyway, Biffs vent seemed to stay in place so we braved the next leg of our trip. As it was my birthday the other day we decided to head back to Nelson, as it was somewhere we knew we could have a nice meal and a few drinks. On the way we stopped at Kaiteriteri beach. Oh my god it is easily the most picturesque beach I have ever been to. We leapt out of Biff and explored all the little coves and inlets in the glorious sunshine before heading onward to Nelson. We stayed in the same place as before and got a nice little discount from the owner. On my birthday we sat out in the sun and had a few beers. It was very odd being so far away from everyone for my birthday. I mean I have had my birthday in other countries before and spoke to my family but couldn’t help but feel a bit lonely and distant. I am 34 now and starting to feel it! I have noticed a few white hairs in my beard and had a mysterious craving for werthers originals the other day! Nah man, I feel closer to 24 than 34! Kate reckons I’m closer to 14 but I think she might be trying to insult me with that one. Having a birthday here was good in a way though as it felt like I had a 2-day celebration. I got texts from my Qtown friends when it was my birthday here then got texts and facebook messages the following day when it was my birthday in the UK. Pretty cool.

So on my UK birthday we decided to head into town for a game of poker. It was at a pretty swish bar called 623. It was a welcome change from the dives we had played in since leaving Qtown. Most of the poker games were held in pretty nice bars there but we have also played in a few TABs, which are NZ betting bars. All the betting shops here have bars in them so you can get rid of a few vices at once. I joked that all they needed was a brothel upstairs and there would be no reason to ever leave! Brothels in NZ are legal by the way. They are government run so all the hookers pay taxes and stuff. They are still seen as taboo but it gives the working girls a clean safe place to work, they get a pension and contribute to the economy. The way forward perhaps?

Anyway, the poker game was in an upstairs bar and as soon as we got there I was feeling good. The 6 warm up beers probably helped. I won the first hand, which immediately relaxed me too. Always a good sign. Well, I ended up smashing everyone! I think I was playing so confidently that I intimidated a few of the players. I didn’t mean to it’s just that I felt so good. At heads up I ended up beating the other guy by hitting a pair of 3’s and smashing his “big chick” which is a hand of ace – queen (which is like one of the top hands). He took it well and the $70 bar tab was mine! Sweet! It was so nice to win again, especially since I played so well. The bar tab came in very handy too and we enjoyed a slap up meal and a few drinks the following night. So nice having the game in a nice venue as the food was pretty nice. I think we are going to consider looking for more poker games as we travel north. It is a great way to kill time, meet new people and maybe, just maybe win a bar tab or 2.

We left Nelson yesterday. Now it is supposed to be the sunniest place in NZ with around 300 days of sun a year but it has pissed down for the last couple. We left there under grey, cold gloom and headed to Picton. We drove the Queen Charlotte route from Havelock (which, apart from Qtown is the only place in NZ we have been to more than twice) along the Queen charlotte sound and were greeted with some stunning views. It was probably the windiest road I have ever driven and my arms where aching from the effort it took to keep Biff on the tarmac. So we are back in Picton now until tomorrow when we get the ferry back to the North island. I will be sad to leave what I consider the best of the 3 big islands that make up New Zealand. I have enjoyed pretty much all of this island and will always hold a spot in my heart for Qtown. A place I still consider my home. Getting back up north though will mean we get to do all the things we omitted on the trip down which will be good. It also means warmer weather as it being the Southern Hemisphere, you head north to get warmer weather. I just hope Biff decides to not blow his top!

Thank you so much everyone for all the birthday messages. They really meant a lot to me. Just keep hold of any presents until I get home. Ha ha.

Peace

D

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Wow, I had forgotten just how much distance it is possible to cover in such a short period of time. We agreed before we arrived in NZ that we would never drive for more than a few hours a day but what with NZ being such a small country you can get pretty far in such a short time. Man, if this place had more than 100 miles of motorway you’d be able to fly around it no problem. I say this because since I last blogged in Akaroa we have covered the remainder of the south island and are now in the far north of the south island in Paroha which is in the Abel Tasman national park. For the first time in our trip we have actually revisited places and are re driving roads to places we missed when we passed through last time.

After we left the supposedly very French town of Akoroa we went to the supposedly very English city of Christchurch. To be brutally honest I didn’t really see the Englishness of it. Apart from the place names (St Albans and Northwood to name but a few) and the Avon river that runs through the city with it’s punters on it, it was just another NZ city. It was an amazing NZ city though. It’s pretty big by NZ standards but the shopping was awesome. Everything you’d ever need was in walking distance of the city centre unlike Aucklands sprawling metropolis. It was very clean too, well compared to the copious amounts of dog shit all over the place in Akaroa, Christchurch was like a hospital operating theatre. We stayed there for a few days and stocked up on a few creature comforts, including an early birthday present from Kate of a new basketball game for the laptop and a ‘troller’ (as my nephew would say). It was great to be in proper shopping malls too. Not just because of the shops but because of all the Christmas decorations. It is summer here and it makes it very easy to forget that Christmas is only a few weeks away. I’m not really looking forward to a warm Christmas away from all my friends and family. It seems just plain wrong to think of a barbie instead of the traditional turkey and all the trimmings. Probably why they had a Christmas in July back in Qtown when it was cold and snowy.

We tried our luck at a local poker game too but when we realised that half of them were playing in the national championships in auckland we realised we were in above our heads. Needless to say we got knocked out pretty quickly. We really enjoyed our time in Christchurch though and considered staying there for a while longer. It was just so nice to sort of be normal again. I mean we went to the cinema and saw the new Twilight movie, we ate out and we shopped a lot (not buying anything of course but Kate got to touch loads of things). A welcome break from the ritual of road life.

We were however quite keen to leave Christchurch and get to our next stop, Kaikoura (pronounced Ky-Kowra – which means ‘to eat crayfish’ in Maori. Not Ky-kora which means ‘to eat bird feathers’). The main reason for going to Kaikoura is that it is home to one of the most diverse and largest selection of sealife in NZ, and all just a little bit off shore. The reason for this is that there is a huge 3000 metre deep trench just off shore. At certain points along the coast the trench is only 800 metres away! The deep trench attracts deep sea animals such as whales and giant squid which would normally be out in the middle of the sea. It is the premier place here to whale watch as over 20 different types of whale and porpoise can be seen throughout the year. We of course we there in that grey area between winter and summer. In winter it is a popular feeding ground for humpback whales and in summer it attracts killer and blue whales. Luckily though sperm whales and various breeds of dolphin are around all year. We decided to stay in a campsite right in town. It was cheap too and after inspection of the shower facilities we could see why. The mens had bloody graffiti sprayed in it! It was alright though and we couldn’t complain as it was super cheap. We booked our whale watching trip for the day after we arrived but when we turned up for it the weather had turned and it was cancelled. The following day it was a gorgeous summer day so we were quite excited about getting out on the boat. After an amazing BBC documentary (filmed in Kaikoura) in the whale watching HQ and a safety briefing we headed off to our vessel. The sea looked super calm but as we left the harbour the boat really started rocking. Before we got on the boat we were told the sea was “a bit jobbly” but not even sure if that was a real word we assumed it would all be ok. I have never been sea sick before but even before we left the campsite I felt a little queasy. I thought I’d be barfing for Britain on the boat but I was fine. Unlike some dude at the back of the boat who spent most of trip chucking his guts up. Ha ha! We stopped at a few places while the captain listened with a hydrophone for the whale. Sperm whales make the second loudest noise in nature after the pistol shrimp. Their sonar can produce sound that is 230 decibels. A jumbo jet engine at full thrust is around 140 decibels! Yeah, sperm whales are pretty fucking gnarly eh? The guide on the boat told us how in Canada a diver got hit by a sperm whales sonar and started peeing blood cos his internal organs had been damaged by it. Ok ok, so yes I have become a bit of a sperm whale expert but they are fascinating creatures which hold so many world records. They dive the deepest, hold there breath forever and have awesome underwater battles with giant and colossal squids! They are the largest toothed predator in the world too. After a few stops though for the captain to hunt the whale we were still no closer to seeing one. Another whale watching boat from our company joined us and the two captains suddenly gunned it to a spot where they thought the whale was. And low and behold they were right! We stopped the boat and everyone legged it out onto the deck. It was enormous! The sperm whales they have in Kaikoura are all adolescent males so are only half grown too! It floated on the surface for about 10 minutes before it started preparing to dive. We waited as it bucked and disappeared before coming back to the surface. Each time getting itself ready to dive 2 miles down into the ‘midnight zone.’ Then just as our guide predicted it headed down and lifted it’s tail right out of the sea. It was awesome and I got an awesome pic of it – soon to be on facebook. We called the sperm whale ‘Spunky’ and left the deck. We headed back to shore well happy with ourselves. Even the vomiting dude at the back of the boat couldn’t dampen our spirits. So, if anyone has any queries about sperm whales just direct them to me. If anyone is curious, for example, as to why they are called sperm whales it’s because they have a milky white oil in their heads which looks like jizz. The oil is thought to be either a sonar magnifier or that the whale can solidify the oil when it wants to dive and use it as ballast so it sinks faster. When it wants to surface it liquefies the oil which then becomes buoyant. See, sperm whales are way cool!

We also finally bought some pounamu (Maori greenstone) in Kaikoura as it was easily the most Moari place we have seen on the south island. Pounamu holds loads of meaning in Maori history. Each piece is crafted into tribal patterns which all symbolise things. The thing about greenstone though is that you are not allowed to buy it for yourself as it is bad luck. So we decided to treat ourselves to early Christmas presents and got some for each other. Mine is a Wharea (Pronounced farea). It is a tribal leaders shape which signifies strength and overcoming adversity. Seemed pretty fitting to me. I wanted to get Kate something meaningful too but in the end got her an awesome piece that looks like a fern leaf. Not sure it symbolises anything in the traditional sense of things but for us it will always be a reminder of our time here.

We reluctantly left Kaikoura and it’s many fish and chip shops and headed north. We are now in Pohara. Right on the beach and enjoying the sunshine. We are here for a few days and might go kayaking with the seals on the local beach before heading back to Nelson for a proper visit as the last one was a bit of a cloak and dagger operation to go see Debbie. It’s nice to be back up this way so we can do all the stuff we didn’t get a chance to do last time we where up here.

I am starting to feel more and more Kiwi as of late. Mostly because I, like everyone else here am walking around barefoot. It seems Kiwis, although inventing the flip flop, like to have the feel of the earth beneath their toes. To be fair I am only walking barefoot along the beach but I’ve seen Kiwis driving cars barefoot! Maybe I’m becoming more of a pikey than a Kiwi. Especially since I pee’d in a bottle in Biff the other day. Hey, it was pissing it down outside and it was at least 30 metres to the toilets. I’m not lazy, it’s just that getting anything dry in Biff is a bit of a nightmare. At least that’s what I told Kate.

Will let you know what’s happening in our world again shortly.

Peace

D

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Lake Take-a-poo

Howdy from the Amazingly picturesque town of Akaroa which is about 70 km south of Christchurch. Since my last entry we have travelled pretty far. We left the relative comfort of our apartment in Dunedin with our bags re packed and our pockets stuffed full of stolen coffee! When I quizzed Kate on why we now had tons of coffee she just stated “Have you seen the price of coffee over here?!” All well and good I suppose when we are trying to live to a budget but I don’t actually remember the last time Kate drank coffee. We also pillaged the apartment of all it’s shampoo and conditioner but that’s just standard hotel theft really. So from Dunedin we headed north along the coast to the town of Oamaru famous for it’s penguin colonies. So as you can imagine Kate was busting a nut as we approached the town and saw penguin shops galore! We settled into our campsite and on the advice from the lady in the office waited until the evening before making our way to the penguin colonies. There are several dotted along the coast but the best ones are bushy beach (which has it’s own blog at NFOBB.co.nz if you are interested) which has a large colony of yellow eye penguins and the Oamaru blue penguin centre just outside town. We got to bushy beach and anticipated another cliff to climb like the one we had to scale when we went to sandfly point on the Otago peninsula and saw Duncan the lonely penguin. Bushy Beach was far more considerate for the unfit though and had a nice cliff top walk to the penguin hide. The Beach was actually off limits after 3pm so we wandered along the cliff tops stopping at various points were other people had gathered. At one stop we leaned over the barrier and saw a huge yellow eyed penguin no more than 10 feet away from us! He/she was just standing there watching us. We had been told that they are extremely timid animals but here one was as bold as brass just watching us watching it. Kate was ecstatic and I managed to squeeze off a few decent pics before we headed further along the walkway to the hide. Once there we saw a few more penguins further down the beach waddling along. It was so cool but I couldn’t help but get distracted by a large crowd that had amassed on the walkway back along the cliff. I left Kate to investigate and when I arrived there were 2 penguins about 20 feet away doing their greeting dances. Penguins have a greeting ritual when they meet back with their partners after a hard days fishing. It was so cool! I beckoned Kate over and she squealed and cooed when she saw them. We watched them for around 30 minutes before deciding to head over to the blue penguin colony in town. We arrived super early as it didn’t open until 30 minutes before sunset. Blue penguins are extremely shy and only come on land when it is dark. We had to pay for the privilege as the penguin colony has a massive grandstand you have to watch them from and they also do tons of penguin rehab and research there too. By the time we got our seats on the grandstand there was around 50 people all eager to see the little blue penguins. We waited for the tell tale signs of there imminent arrival. Blue penguins all collect about 500 metres off shore in these groups called rafts then they all arrive on the beach at once in a massive frenzy. We saw a few little rafts out to sea in the fading light and before we knew it there were little penguins all over the place! The beach was covered in them, all clambering up the rocks to their nesting ground. When they got to the top of the rocks they had to cross a path. They all waited then tentatively crossed the path before running off in loads of directions to get to their little burrows on the other side of a fence. It was amazing as there just so many of them. One even trotted across the bottom of the grandstand right in front of us. They were totally oblivious to us as the special lights the centre uses ensures the penguins still think it’s pitch black, we could see them but they couldn’t see us. We counted around 150 penguins! They were super cute too and I was in stitches watching them walk. When we left we had to check under Biff to make sure there weren’t any penguins hiding out under him. On the drive out there were penguins all over the place! Running out of bushes, hiding by lamposts and just hanging out on street corners, maybe they were penguin prostitutes? Such a shame there were no cameras allowed. Er, not for the penguin hookers though.

It was easily the best $20 I had spent and it is something I strongly recommend anyone doing if they are in the vicinity. Most penguin beaches have no guarantee that you will see anything but the colony at Oamaru has over 300 penguins that all come ashore at nightfall every night. They are super cute too. It certainly satisfied Kates penguin fetish, for how long though will need to be seen.

From Oamaru we headed back inland. The terrain in NZ is so varied and our trip to Lake Tekapo from Oamaru was a prime example of just how diverse it is in such a short distance. We had been used to large green hills covered in flowering yellow gorse for the previous weeks but now the scenery turned to flat brown plains for as far as the eye could see all covered in buttercups. As we headed further inland we hit the southern Alps again so were again surrounded by snow capped mountains. Mt Cook, which is NZs highest peak loomed off in the distance but the low cloud made it hard to make out. We had already seen it from the west coast anyway so weren’t that bothered. We stopped at Lake Pukaki for lunch and I was in shock at just how absurdly turquoise the lake was. Apparently the glaciers in the area crush rocks together and form something called glacial flour. It’s like a white powder that you can see coating rocks but it suspends itself just under the surface of the lakes and reflects the sky really well. It was awe inspiring and no picture I took does it any justice. I had seen a similar thing at Lake Louise in Canada but the sheer size of Lakes Pukaki and Tekapo completely dwarf it. We also noticed that everywhere was covered in flowering lupins now. They were stunning and really added colour to the earthy scenery. When we got to Lake Tekapo we settled into our lakeside campsite and went for a stroll along the lake front. We also headed over to the hot pools and had a nice long soak. Lake Tekapo is famous for it’s lake obviously but is also one of the best places to star gaze. They are trying to get the sky above Tekapo made into a world heritage sight! This was clearly evident on my frequent treks to the toilets over night. At one point both Kate and me just stood in the middle of the campsite gazing upward. I have seen some awesome skies since I have been here away from the usual light pollution we get at home but the skies that night will stay with me forever. It was so clear. Not only could I see Orions belt, I could see the bulge in his shorts too!!

We left Lake Tekapo the following day and headed north. The terrain again changed as we left the snow capped mountains behind us. Instead the vast rolling brown plains became hills again. In the distance the large rolling brown hills looked like a sleeping sharpei. You know like those really wrinkly dogs. Here in NZ the andrex puppy isn’t a labrador it’s a brown sharpei puppy. It still runs away with the bog roll but it is way cuter and considerably more wrinkled! We continued north passing Mt Hutt which if you remember is one of the sister resorts to Coronet Peak. It still had a fair bit of snow on it too and I could see why it has the longest ski season in NZ. We stopped in Ashburton for a milkshake as the weather here is getting noticeably warmer, before continuing back to the coast and to the town of Akaroa. It is out on this big peninsula with lots of huge hills which Biff didn’t like one bit! Akaroa is famous for a few things. It is a French settlement so we thought it might be a good spot to stop for some good deli meats, some cheese and a nice baguette. Amazingly, just like France they charge you extortionate prices for it all too! Needless to say our French style picnic has been put on hold. Another thing that it’s famous for is the rare Hectors dolphin. They swim freely in the huge harbour and for a couple of hundred bucks you can swim with them. Again, a little too pricey for us. Kaikoura, up the coast is famous for it’s whale watching and dolphin encounters so we will probably do something when we are there. They also have the largest white flippered penguin colony in NZ here too. A fact Kate swears she wasn’t aware of before deciding to stay here. Yeah right. Bloody penguins! Akaroa is stunning though. We are back in the rolling green hills over looking a huge natural harbour with crystal clear sea. It is so gorgeous we have decided to rest here an extra day before heading off to Christchurch.

So I am also struggling with the feeling of being a tourist again. I know I have always been one but when we settled in Qtown, had jobs and our own place it felt more like home. I hate being spoken to like a tourist too. I have great pleasure in telling people that we have already been here 9 months! Being back in Biff is OK, I guess. Yes I feel a lot like some sort of Hermit crab, dragging my house around on my back, but it is allowing us to see some pretty amazing places and we have a freedom that I will probably never feel again. Yes, financially we are pretty fucked but we decide where we want to go and we go there. We still have no plans. If we see somewhere that looks cool we stay there a little bit longer. It is a freedom that is like the freedom you have as a kid on school holidays. You woke up, met with friends and then the world was your oyster. Here it is different of course, we can drive! We can go anywhere, as long as it isn’t too steep for Biff. Without him we would have missed out on so many out of the way places far off the beaten track. I will forever miss this freedom when I come home and I imagine it will be something I will pine for for years to come. I grumble about Biff I know. I mean, I hit my head in him about 5 times a day, he smells of petrol sometimes, his dashboard rattles when you get to 50 kph and he is more difficult to park than a cruise liner but he is so much more than our home/mode of transport. No, he is part of the family. He looks after us and we look after him. He keeps us dry and warm and we in return fill him with petrol and take him on adventures. With that in mind I suppose I have nothing to complain about eh? Hmmm, I think I am setting myself up here as I have noticed a strange knocking in the steering column and his tracking has become a problem. I just hope he holds it together for a few more months. Then it is someone else’s problem. I will miss him though when we do come to sell him. WE LOVE YOU BIFF!!

Anyway guys I’ll let you know how I get on in Christchurch. It is apparently NZs most English city.

Peace

D

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Dunedin done

Hey guys,

Thought i'd add a quick entry to my blog as we leave Dunedin in the morning and head back on the road so god knows when i will be online again. Dunedin has been fairly kind to us. It's not what i would call a typical city but by NZ standards it is pretty big. It has a real Scottish heritage which we noticed as soon as we arrived here and went to the local farmers market. A dude playing a bagpipe ushered us into the market where we did our usual thing of being impressed with all the local fresh produce without actually buying anything. It's a trick i have learnt from Kate. There are also lots of touristy little Scottish shops scattered around where you can buy tartans and haggis. We have even seen dickhead tourists wearing tamoshanters (the little tartan hats). They look like something from the Russ Abbott show from back in the 80's! The city is a university city and has the oldest uni in NZ. Both Tee and Anna went to school here, as do most Kiwis, and they spoke about a city full of vibrancy and fun. I guess when you are a student and out with mates on the piss all the time, most places can be seen that way. I beg to differ. Yes there are a lot of bars and there is a live music scene here but it is in no way as lively as Qtown was.

We have only really ventured out of the apartment at night once to be fair. We were walking along the cities main street when we noticed a NPPL poker tournament being played that night at an Irish bar called "The Bog." We decided we would give it a go as we have played a fair bit of poker over the last few months. I may have mentioned it? Anyway, we got to the bar and it was dead. We nearly about turned and scarpered but we got a beer and signed up for poker. Similar to Qtown games, at 6.55pm, 5 minutes before the game was supposed to start, about 30 people suddenly appeared. I got chatting to the barman who turned out to be an odd little fella from Fleet. Elvetham Heath to be exact who had also lived in Guildford. He was bizarre so i dodged anymore conversation with him and got stuck into the game. My table was probably the quietest poker table i had ever been at. Lots of guys taking it all way too seriously. I didn't get any hands and before long i was left with only a few chips. It didn't help that they did a raffle where you bought numbers which would be drawn to win chips. Just buying numbers got you 5000 chips for every 5 bucks you spent. After the first raffle some guy on my table suddenly had over 50,000 in chips! I sat opposite him with a mere 3000. It struck me as a bit unfair. I mean we did raffles back in Qtown but you won maybe 15,000 at most. This guy had gone from nothing to chip leader in the space of 5 minutes, and there were 2 raffles! It takes a lot of poker out of the game but as i have always said about poker, cream rises to the top. I was patient. Probably the most patient i have ever been at a poker table. I bided my time and got a run of cards which saw me turn my 3000 chips to around 120,000! When we both got to final table i was the chip leader! Kate took great pleasure in informing everyone that i hadn't played the raffle either as everyone was in awe of my huge stack whilst i went to the bathroom. I played a bit sketchy on final table after Kate got knocked out as i felt she just wanted to go home. After one bullshit call i made she had a go at me and told me to tighten up. I told her i thought she wanted to go but she said she'd prefer a bar tab. I then went on a tear, knocking out 3 people and regaining the chip lead. When it got to heads up against me and this one eyed dude called Eden I was already stoked. It already felt like a win. I was down to just 3 chips at one point and had got to heads up. I was way tired though and got beat. I am still on a high from it though even though the $25 dollar bar tab has long been spent. It proved to me that i am pretty good at this poker malarkey. In Qtown i got to a point where i was just playing the same faces week in and week out and i got a bit bored of it as i knew i had already beaten them but here in a new place with new people and up against the stupidest raffle system in the world, i played awesome! I don't think i have a gambling problem or anything but i love playing Texas hold 'em. Be it online or in a dingy pub, as long as it is free, i love it. I have only played a few cash games and have had a fair bit of success in them but playing for money holds a sort of fear for me. Probably for the best anyway.

Especially since we got our final payments into our account this week. Kates last payslip and holiday pay was more than we thought it would be and we got pretty much all of our security deposit back on the house (the oven needed cleaning which cost $80) but our bank account is far from what i would call healthy. The money we have in there now is supposed to see us through from now up until we leave NZ. Apart from our tax rebates which we can apply for next month, we will not be getting anymore money in. It is super scary in a way, especially since i drained my UK bank account too whilst in Qtown. Money that was supposed to be used for things like Birthday and Xmas cards. So for the first time in years i feel skint. I mean we have money locked away in UK accounts for when we get home but for know we actually have money worries. The cost of living out here is way more than we thought and the pound has spiralled down in value against the Kiwi dollar. We heard the other day that NZ groceries have increased in price the 3rd most in the world after only Korea and Australia. It shows as well with huge discrepancies from place to place. Avocados were nearly $3 each in Qtown! You can buy 2 for $1 here. It all comes down to NZ only having 2 main supermarket companies and them charging ridiculous prices for stuff. The farmers here are getting shafted too as they are paid pretty much the same for their goods as they were 10 years ago but the mark up on them is insane. Groan. So nights out and poker (unless we can keep winning bar tabs) are probably things of the past for us now as we are really gonna have to tighten the old purse strings.

That said we did go a little crazy on our Cadbury factory tour. Man, even by NZ standards it was shit! They had these little animatronic dolls making chocolate in the main foyer. It looked like a really naff version of it's a small world after all in Disney. Like they had made the dolls themselves from an early 1970's edition of Blue Peter! We got some freebies though but nothing good like Dairy milk or crunchies. We went to the shop on the way out though and bought a few bars which lasted all of about 15 minutes once we got them back to the apartment.

It seems i have fallen back into my old ways of pigging out on lots of rubbish food. The week we spent in Biff i obsessed about food but stuck to just noodles, rice and peanut butter sandwiches, or Pikey food as i call it. In Dunedin i have already had 2 burger kings. It doesn't help that it is quite cheap. When we get back in Biff i am seriously going to have to change my ways again. I have also started waking up at the butt crack of dawn again. A common family ailment is that a few of us are natural early risers. My Nan used to work in a newsagent so was always up and out by 6.30am but in comparison to my mum, her 6.30am is considered a lay in! I am not quite that bad yet but rarely sleep past 6.30am. The last few weeks i have had what i consider lay ins and not woken until 7.30am but i am now back into the old 6.30am wake ups. It's not that I'm not tired but no matter how exhausted i seem to get i always wake up at 6.30am. Shit, even if i don't get home til 3am, i still wake up at 6.30am, or ridiculouso'clock as i call it. Maybe i need some warm milk at night or some sort of herbal remedy. I have no trouble getting to sleep, i just wake up stupidly early. Oh well.

So we leave Dunedin way (where i lived as a kid strangely) and head north tomorrow. Probably up the coast to check out the Moreaki boulders on our way to Oamaru to go see if we can spot more bloody penguins!

Peace

D

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Duncan the Penguin, finally.

Hey hey,

As i write this i am tucked away comfortably in my Dunedin apartment which is where we are staying for a week. It's pretty sweet, especially when you consider that it is free. Well, sort of. Before we left Blighty Kate won the Christmas raffle at her old job and won a £300 holiday voucher which had to be used by October. After much deliberation we decided to use it for a hotel in Queenstown so we had somewhere smart to stay in when we first arrived there and could use it as a base to look for jobs and accommodation. However, we got to Qtown 4 weeks sooner than we had planned because we were worried about missing out on jobs and somewhere to live. So we moved the booking to a hotel in Dunedin which had serviced apartments. It's very similar to the set up that we had in Auckland way back in February. Our own little kitchen so we can continue to eat cheap noodles and tins of budget spaghetti. Ah, life on the road. We have been in Biff for what seems like ages now since we left Qtown but in reality it is only really a week or so. We are still in the deep south of the south island but have managed to escape the wilderness that is the Catlins coast. Man, i have never had to recharge my phone so often. It was constantly searching for a signal which drains the battery really quick.

The scenery was stunning though. It was like driving through some sort of Welsh/Scottish hybrid country with elements of the southwest of England thrown in for good measure. It was also typically Kiwi too with rain forests, mountains and white sandy beaches all within ear shot of each other. Part of the attraction of the Catlins, apart from the scenery, is the wildlife. Rare birds seem to be all over the place. Well, they would be if they weren't so bloody rare! We found a few beaches that are home to native (or Hooker) sea lions too. They are very different to the cute Californian sea lions you see at sea world performing tricks. Nah, these are frickin huge big fuckers that weigh up to 500kg! Yeah, that's half a ton! You'll be just strolling along the beach and there are loads of them just lounging all over the beach like huge big slugs. You're not supposed to get too close to them because they can move pretty quick and their bites contain loads of nasty things like salmonella. You're also not supposed to get between them and the sea, but when they are all over the place it's difficult not to.

The first beach we drove to only had a couple of them and we were a little disappointed but when we got to the Otago peninsula outside of Dunedin we went to an isolated beach at Sandfly bay and there were loads of the fuckers! The walk to the beach was pretty eventful as it was down a big sandy cliff and then down a huge big sand dune. The sea lions were impressive but the real reason we went to that beach in particular was because it is also home to Yellow eyed penguins. Our previous penguin hunt had ended in disaster as not only did we not see any but the long unsealed clifftop road to nugget point had caused Biff to empty the contents of his radiator all over the floor. At first i thought we were screwed as not only were we in the middle of no where, we had no mobile reception. Luckily he had only over heated a bit, so i filled his radiator again and we made it out of there alive. In comparison the 6km round trip to the penguin observation hide was a lot less stressful. Well, except for having to dodge tons and tons of sea lion blubber. We got to the penguin hide at the end of the beach and settled in. It wasn't long before i got very bored and my mind began to wander. I watched the beach less and less and was distracted by a seagull shadow as it ascended a cliff out to our right when suddenly i noticed what i thought was a little penguin statue. It wasn't though, it was in fact a real live penguin! I got over excited and pointed it out to Kate who also freaked out! (she quite likes penguins remember?) We watched as Duncan, as i christened him (we were in Dunedin after all - lots of Scottish here), clumsily made his way down the cliff and to the waters edge. He stopped for a while before what seemed like noticing us and disappearing off into the surf and the numerous floating slugs that were sea lions. We decided to stay a bit longer as we were sure more of his mates would follow but it was so windy and getting dark we decided to head back. More sea lions inhabited the beach on the way back and one juvenile male decided we were on his turf and chased us along the beach! Running in deep sand is torture. You make lots of effort but don't really move anywhere. Lucky for us the sea lion got bored and stopped. When we got to the foot of the cliff we were already knackered. It took us ages to get up the sand dune and the sandy cliff. When we got to the top i asked Kate if that one little penguin was worth it? She said that it wasn't, whilst trying to force back urges to vomit. We were fucked! Like triathlon fucked. We are so unfit. Shit the only exercise i have done these last few months is lifting beers to my lips without spilling a drop.

The weather here is pretty harsh too. The sun has been out but the wind here is so strong. We left Bluff in gale force winds and they have pretty much followed us all the way along the coast. Driving a high top campervan in gale force winds is very very distant from what I'd class as fun.

So we are here in Dunedin for a while. It feels so nice to be back in an apartment again. I can sleep in the nude again and don't have to put my shoes on to go for a wee. I don't know how pikeys do it. Anyway i had better go as Kate is keen to go to the Cadburys factory across the street. I am worried that they will think she is an oompa-loompa and not let her out. When i told her that she got upset. I told her she can't be an oompa-loompa, she can't sing or dance.

Peace

D

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Back to life as a pikey

Welcome to my first blog from the road, again. We have finally left Qtown, our home for the last 7 months. To say it was hard to leave is a huge understatement of epic proportions on my part. Kate was a little bothered but I near enough had to be dragged from Qtown kicking and screaming, trying desperately to hang onto anything I could as I was, lamp posts, walls, trees and even old ladies. It was a very emotional last few days for me there for a number of reasons. It is the first real place that has felt like home since we left. Partly because we actually settled into a really nice house and got into the routine of getting jobs, then working those jobs and making friends, then socialising with those friends. It was also because so far, I have not seen a more beautiful place than central Otago (the area around Qtown). Yes white sandy beaches and palm trees are amazing but living with the whitest person in the world kind of hinders your options when you are deciding on settling in a place. If we had chosen a coastal paradise in the sun then Kate would have melted like a vampire! That or I would have to put up with her constant moaning about sunburn and the daily routine of applying suntan lotion for an hour before venturing out into the light. No, we are both not beach people. We do enjoy a occasional trip to the seaside and a walk along the beach at sunset but Qtown was perfect for us as it was in the mountains, had snow, had a huge picturesque lake and lots of places to get drunk in. It was also an amazing place to meet people and make friends. I had always reckoned that it would be great working with people with a common interest (snow) for 5 months and I made lots of friends through work but it seems that the TRUE friendships have blossomed since the season finished. I will miss my friends so much. I know that one of the perils of travelling is that you meet lots of interesting people but due to the nature of not settling anywhere for a great deal of time, you will also lose contact with a lot of interesting people. I found it so easy to meet people and make friends in Qtown. It was like shooting fish in a barrel at times but like I said, the true friends are the ones I will miss. They were the hardest to say goodbye to and they are the ones I will try my hardest to stay in touch with.

After we finally moved out of Greenstone terrace, or Greenstone graveyard as it had become, we moved back into the campsite where we got our first taste of Qtown. It was a weird old feeling being back in the van but it wasn’t long before I was cracking my head of everything again in Biff and swearing loudly at myself. It was awesome though to be in the middle of town again. It meant we had no excuses to not go out and enjoy the last few nights in town. We also got the guys together for one last game of golf out in Frankton. There were 7 of us and I finally managed to get my game together, shooting level par. Not bad when you look at the state of the hire clubs they give you. I was very pleased with myself and thought what a way to sign off from playing golf with the crowd.

We played a few poker games too but to be honest I was just keen to say my goodbyes as I wanted to leave Qtown poker on the high I have felt from winning and playing well in the last few weeks. My last night at Surreal I even decided not to play. I just wanted to hang out with my friends who I had dragged along to Surreal for the cheap booze. So I watched Kate play for a bit before sitting with the guys and messing about. God I am really going to miss that lot. Kate has made friends but she prefers to hang out with my crowd. When I asked her why, she said that my lot are just a lot more fun. It’s true. There is always something going on and we all seem to feed off each other. We have had some pretty crazy nights. For me the best times we had together were a few weeks before the season finished. Everyone was going out. Trying to make the most of the season before most people departed and went their separate ways. We were all still working together though and because the season was now so dead, we were spending lots of time together at work too. I really enjoyed my ride breaks with Dicks, Rich and Kate. I think I rode more of the mountain in those ride breaks than I had in previous weeks. My last ever ride break with those guys is a highlight for me too as we headed off piste and hit a few jumps. Man, I already miss working at Coronet so much too.

What also made it so hard for me to leave is because the guys were all planning their summers together. Looking for jobs and houses. Man, Qtown is going to be so crazy this summer! I am gutted I will miss it and all the new adventures the guys will have. I just have to focus on my own future though and all the adventures I will have and all the new people I will meet. I love you though guys and I am always just a facebook wall away.

So we have left Qtown, and no matter how many times I have suggested heading back to Kate, she is determined we push forward. So after we left we made our way to Te Anau. It is the gateway to the Fjordland National park, which is the largest national park in NZ, but looks a bit like a tiny version of Milton Keynes. Yes, it has the second largest lake in NZ as a backdrop but the buildings on the main street reminded me of the 70’s styling of Milton Keynes. Very odd. We got there and booked ourselves onto a Milford sound cruise. We had one booked for last week from Qtown but went out drinking with the guys the night before and didn’t get in ‘til 3.30am and sort of missed the 6.45am bus. We woke up at 6am, still drunk and decided to sleep instead of get up and endure a 5 hour bus trip with a monster hangover. It was super cheap from Te Anau anyway but still a 2-hour bus ride to get to Milford. The boat trip was good and we got some awesome pics but to be brutally honest, it was no way as big or impressive as the Doubtful sound, which we visited a few months ago. It was smaller and busier than doubtful and we still didn’t see any dolphins or penguins.

From Te Anau we have made our way along the southern scenic highway to Invercargill. Now Invercargill has a few nicknames amongst Kiwis. They call it the "Friendly city" or ‘Vegas’ (as in Las Vegas) but after my first impressions I think they should call it "Invercargill: home of the chav!" Over here they call it being ‘bogan’ but it is all the same thing. Teenage girls dripping in cheap jewellery with fags hanging out of their mouths pushing around prams and guys all wearing cheap track suits sporting hideous mullets! Holy crap it is rough as. Needless to say, the only real reason to go to Invercargill for us was to finally get a burger king! They have been teasing us for months in Qtown with the prospective opening of a BK in Frankton but it has been delayed and before we left it still looked a few weeks away. All season though I have been jones-ing (craving) a burger king. It wasn’t just me either. Billy once contemplated the 6-hour round trip to Invercargill just to get a whopper! For me it has been the constant commercials for the ‘outlaw’ burger. It’s a sort of whopper with bacon and onion rings. Had one today and it did not disappoint. So after a quick burger and a trip to the supermarket to stock up on a few things we decided to head out of town to Bluff. It is the southernmost town in NZ and world-renowned for it’s oysters. We drove to Stirling point near the old lighthouse where they have one of those signposts with loads of points of interest on it like "New York – 15000 km." After a quick look around and a few pictures It suddenly dawned on me that I am at the furthest point away from home I will probably ever be, 18958 km away! That’s over 11780 miles! In a heartbeat I felt probably as lonely and as isolated as I have ever been. Once when I was travelling in Seattle it dawned on me how far away I was from everyone I loved and it nearly made me puke! I guess I have become a bit blasé about just how far away I am from home. Maybe I have just gotten used to the idea but I think it’s more that I try desperately to not think about it. I think that I would spiral into the doldrums if I were to focus on it. In a way it is exciting to be so far away from home but what with all that’s happening there right now, I feel very distant in more ways than one.

Like I said earlier though I just have to focus on all the cool shit we will be getting up to in the coming months. So, Qtown massive, I will miss you guys so much. Dicks I hope you get your life back on track and finally get your revenge fuck. I love you too bro. Don’t tell anyone but I will miss you the most! Rich, I hope you also find some special girl who blows your mind as well as your scrotal zone, and that she isn’t a potential housemate. Anna, I am sorry you never got to shave my head but hopefully a song will suffice. Talis, you are right. You are an immature prick at times but I wouldn’t have it any other way. JC, you are by far the coolest religious leader I have met! Stay away from Jews. Muzal tov bee-atch! Laura, I will miss your muff muffs and your devious poker ways. Carlos, I hope you keep getting fuck drunk, hee hee. Mikey, come on now, enough is enough – livers need love too. Billy, fly! Teebar, I hope I haven’t put you off childbirth forever. Scott, I hope you never have to wake up to Will wanking ever again! Andrew, we need to work on this "no shots!" policy. Shauny, thank you for letting me make a name for myself in poker. K dog, let me know how those paintings of my pics turn out and that your mum will love them. Until next time.

Peace

D

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There's a voice, that keeps on calling me............

I don't really like to start my blog entries on a downer but as i sit here in my empty house, trying desperately to absorb every last bit of the amazing view that has greeted me each morning for the last 7 months, it is difficult to not feel a smidge of melancholy. I move out today. All that is keeping me here is the washing machine (washing our towels and tea towels), the dishwasher (washing the remains of last nights mexican off the crockery) and the prospect of waiting for the guy who is gonna steam clean our carpets this afternoon. Biff is all packed up and ready to go and i can tell he is eager to get to our first stop.............Queenstown. We have decided to stay a few extra days at the campsite in town, the same place we stayed at when we first arrived here back in April. I remember it as if it was yesterday. We arrived to fog and rain but were very excited by the light dusting of snow on the hills and mountains. I remember thinking it looked a lot like Forks from the Twilight books/movies. Today it looks no different. Windy, wet, foggy and still a light dusting of snow on the local peaks. It seems winter is as reluctant to leave Qtown as myself.

So the last few days have been filled with cleaning and packing and swallowing down feelings of sadness. JC and Laura left a few days back to go and work on the Milford track. They are going to be lodge hosts at the first stop on the track, Glade lodge. They are out in the middle of frickin nowhere but i can't imagine any two people better suited for it. JC is able to amuse himself very easily and has taken a lot of new stuff to learn on his guitar which probably means that if/when i see him again he'll be playing like SRV (Stevie Ray Vaughn - my guitar idol). Laura will also busy herself there. They are staying in NZ for another 18 months i think as they have the option to extend their visas to 2 years. I think they are keen to head back to Qtown for the winter season and get jobs on the hill. It will be much easier for them too as the company they work for now own NZski and both of the resorts. I'm super jealous. Not because of the jobs on the track but because they can stay for another season. I will miss them a lot and the last few weeks they have stayed with us have been a riot. We have the same sense of humour and all i have done for weeks is piss myself laughing. Take care guys and hopefully we will see you soon. Mazal Tov!!

It seems the draw of Qtown has gotten it's hooks into others too. Richard actually left a few weeks back to go see the rest of the south Island but has somehow found his way back here and is staying with Dickon and some of his other friends. He said he went to Invercargill and thought it was shit, then had a bit of fun in Dunedin but found that people he met weren't nearly as fun as the people he had left here so decided to come back for a bit. I think he is job hunting for a summer job so when he says a bit, i'm thinking he's here for a while. Dicks has decided to extend his stay too. A few months ago he was desperate to get back on the road but since splitting with his girlfriend he has had a change of heart. It helps that we have all made so many friends here who are staying for the summer and are all currently job/flat hunting. I am again super jealous as the prospect of Qtown in the summer looks amazing. It looks gorgeous with a light dusting of snow but when the sun comes out and makes the lake twinkle it is truly a spectacular setting. Gorse has started to bloom and the hill sides are now doused in a myriad of green and yellow. Summer here is going to be insane.

Shame i will miss it but i am trying hard to focus on the next few months for me and trying to get my head around being back on the road again. The novelty wore off pretty quick last time and the thought of being back in a confined space for prolonged periods and constantly twatting my head is also getting me down. But to be fair, there are much worse places in the world to be in a little white box. I will again see the ocean, beaches and the stunning landscapes that NZ seems to have around every new turn. Not bad really.

Apart from packing and cleaning and a lot of swearing, i have also managed to get out and about this last week. After i cut my last blog entry short i headed into town and met up with Dicks and Rich (or the 3 must-get-beers as i have nicknamed us) to catch some of the last few gigs of the Jazz festival. The weather wasn't as good as i had hoped but we still sat on the village green listening to people warble away. We grabbed a bite to eat but by 2.30pm the pull of alcohol was tempting us too much. Rich bailed to the internet cafe so me, Dicks, JC and Laura went and got a box of beers. As we drunk them a few more of our regular crowd filtered up and before we knew it there were 9 of us on the lash in the sunshine. We then headed into what has become our regular haunt, Brazz. For the last few months we have been there pretty much every Sunday. I think it might have something to do with the $3.50 beers. After a few in Brazz we headed over to another regular haunt, Montys, to go see a blues guitarist we had seen a few nights before called MoJo Webb. He is an Aussie guy but man can he play the blues (check out his website). After more booze and a lot of dancing i had to call it a night as my body was starting to reject alcohol and i was way too drunk to continue. Kate had joined us by now so she gladly escorted me home for some much needed sleep and water.

The next morning i had MoJo Webb tunes stuck in my head all day. When they did finally abate, JC would start whistling them and they'd be straight back in there again. Not such a bad thing as he was awesome but it does get a bit annoying.

So, that is it for my little adventure at Greenstone Terrace. Tonight i sleep under the stars again (which i can see through Biffs roof vents). Not sure i will Blog again before i leave town but we are finally going to Milford Sound tomorrow and have a few leaving parties to attend before we head off on Sunday. So i will catch up with you guys soon.

Peace

D

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Jazz................nice.

Wassup y'all? It is my penultimate week in Qtown! Really difficult to not feel sad but we are definitely going out with a big ass bang. This week has been another eventful one. More beer and poker. I failed to three-peat my win at Rattlesnake this week but did finish 2nd at Surreal. I was doing quite well there and when i got to final table i was in a pretty good position. I then preceded to knock out near enough every player, including a monumental call against the guy with all the chips. He bet hard at the pot but i just had this feeling that he was bluffing. It put me all in but i just had this feeling. He was bluffing and my pair of 7s held up and i ended up doubling up my stack and winning around 150k. It gave me a massive stack of chips so when i got to heads up with my housemate JC i was in a very strong position. It was late though and both Kate and Laura had to get up for work in the morning so i suggested that we just split the 1st and 2nd place bar tab and go home. JC was having none of it and wanted to beat me fair and square. I won't say i folded a lot of hands but i just wanted to go home too so i also called alot of crap cards and before long he had all my chips and had won. I was stoked for him as it was his last week at Surreal and he had never won there before. I was happy to get a bar tab again but even more happier that i could go home and go to bed.

A lot of our week has revolved around the Jazz festival, or Jizz fest as i have been calling it, that's in town this week. It's been really cool with loads of free gigs around town and a little outdoor stage set up in the middle of town straddling the stream. We went to an outdoor gig the other day and ended up sitting in the sun with a ton of beers with Dicks and JC. We then had a few games of pool before going to another jazz gig at one of the posh hotels down by the lake. We were quite well oiled by now and JC was politely asked to leave the restaurant and go back to the lobby where we were sitting because he "just wanted to dance." We ended up getting extremely hammered but just couldn't help tapping our feet and clicking our fingers all night to all the sweet jizz, sorry jazz.

Highlight of the week was going funyaking. Although funyaking sounds like a pleasurable vomit (fun - yaking) it is far from it. Kate has worked for Dart river jets now for 7 months and apart from a free jet boat ride when she started we haven't done any of the free trips they offer but as the weather is getting warmer we decided to try our luck and booked on to go funyaking. Funyaking is like kayaking but you use these huge big orange inflatable dingys. We got jet boated up the dart river on what was probably the warmest and sunniest day we have had in ages. The jet boat dropped us off at the start of the funyak trip and we got busy inflating the huge dingy/kayak hybrids. We then had to listen to our guide trying to explain to the rest of the group how to paddle and steer the things. He then came over to us and asked if we wanted to try and go in the rockburn chasm. The rockburn is this stunning side chasm that branches off the dart river and forms this amazing secluded lagoon. It is a bit tricky to get into when the water levels are low but he was willing to try if he thought the group were competent. We agreed and watched as we all hopped in our funyaks for a quick little paddle. Within seconds we knew that the rockburn was out of the question as the couple from Singapore had either not listened to a word the guide had said or were just completely uncoordinated. They sat in there funyak doing everything wrong and were just spinning out of control in the middle of the river. Our guide eventually had to tie their boat to his own and ferry them down the river. I was a bit gutted that we never got the chance as everyone else seemed to be pretty competent, oh well.

Kate had feared that she would get special treatment from the jet boat drivers once we got into our funyaks. By special treatment i mean that they would try their hardest to flip us out of our boat. She was right. Within a few minutes of getting into our boat, one of the jet boats came flying towards us, did a spin so its back jet was pointing right at us and then full throttled it. We got soaked but the blast from the jet washed the girls in the boat next to us back up onto the shore! It was hilarious and we then had to explain to the group that Kate worked for the company and that she was going to be targeted all day. We were then of course treated like lepers and no one dared get within 10 feet of our boot. Our guide tried to set us up again a bit further down the river. I helped by grounding us on some shallow rocks and jumping out of the boat leaving Kate as a sitting duck for the jet boat. It came flying around the corner and true to form, turned away from her at the last minute sending a huge wave over the boat and dousing her in icy cold glacial water. Hee hee. She wasn't that soaked and took it all in good spirit.

Apart from the occasional soaking from jet boats and the bastard sand flies, the day was amazingly relaxing. The fast moving current pretty much sweeps you along and all i had to do was keep the boat facing down stream. I often spun it so we could see the amazing views of the mountains behind us too. It was truly beautiful and i could easily see why it has been voted one of NZs best trips on a number of occasions. At one point i pretty much reclined into a semi recumbent position, tilted my hat forward, gazed upward and chilled. It was pure unadulterated bliss. We stopped for a huge lunch and a wander through the woods before hopping back into the funyaks and negotiating the remaining stretch of river. When we got back to Glenorchy we stopped for a much needed beer before heading home for an early night. It was an amazing day and some awesome pics will follow on facebook i imagine.

Right, have to cut this entry short as more jazz and beers in the park are beckoning me away. I will try and post some more in the next few days.

Peace

D

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Tramping it up a little

I kind of thought that as the season has finished and a lot of my friends have left Qtown that it would all settle down now and i could save myself a bit of money. How wrong i was. One of the appeals of Qtown over say, Wanaka was that it has more of an atmosphere, more of a vibrant scene. It appears that it also doesn't take much to twist my arm at the moment to do anything. Fair enough really as i am not working anymore and my routine has fallen back into pretty much what is was before i got my job at Coronet Peak. I get up, i go online, i make dinner, i go to bed. Not exactly hectic. So when the offer of interaction and socialising has cropped up over the last week i have relished it and thrown myself toward it. Gotta make the most of my last few weeks in Qtown after all. Now it has never taken a lot of persuassion to get me to play poker, especially since i have re-found my passion for it. Dicks has also really gotten into it over the past few weeks too. And to think, i had to near beg him to come and play a game with me a month ago. Kate is also quite partial to a game, as you may well know, so it is easy for me to convince her to come out too. Before you know it you are playing in nearly all the games Qtown has to offer (4 - not including the casino). My current form continued as i came 4th at Frankton (with Kate coming 3rd - her best performance in ages) and again smashing everybody to win back to back weeks at Rattlesnake. My win at Rattles was probably the highlight of my short poker career. Mainly because at one point on the final table i had only 6 chips left and the other guy had all the rest. I think it worked out i had$30,000 and he had around $350,000! There is an old saying in poker though that to win a game all you need is a chip and a chance. I proved it that night. The guy i beat works in a casino and he bullied us all and talked so much trash it made a lot of people lose their cool and play tilt (tilt means you play a bit crazy). I on the other hand ignored his bullshit and managed to out play his ass. From 30,000 to all the chips and victory in about 10 hands! The guy didn't know what hit him. Shaun, who runs the tournaments told the guy to not have any hard feelings as he had just been beat by one of Qtowns finest, a poker superstar (his words not mine). Made my head swell somewhat but i felt amazing as we left. It was such a good way to win. The guy i beat had bullied and trash talked people all night long and i felt i gave him his come uppance. I joked with Shaun that after that performance i was going to change my name to "Amarillo-not-so-slim" after the legendary poker player "Amarillo slim." So, another $50 bar tab now sits snuggly in my wallet which means i have to do it all over again next Tuesday. I don't really care if i win another tournament in my life because beating that bully was the sweetest victory i will probably ever have (pats own back and imagines everyone hoisting me onto their shoulders and parading me through the school canteen to cheers as the local bully cowers under a table in the corner).

It hasn't all been beer and poker this week though my friends. I went and played golf again. This time with Billy, Talis and one of the doctors from the hill. We had much more of a laugh this time as the weather was a lot nicer. I hadn't realised just how competitive Billy actually was. I watched him smack balls on the driving range before we played and could see him watching all the competition and commenting on how he was going to beat us. Maybe he has a slight case of little man syndrome sometimes but after the first few holes it was all over really. I played really really badly but still managed to whoop them all. I do have the distinct advantage of all those years of playing at quite a high level though. It was good fun though and a welcome change to be outside in the sunlight.

On Kates days off this week we decided to go tramping. Remember, tramping is what the Kiwis call hiking. It is not when you grow a beard, sleep with a cardboard duvet in a shopping trolley under a bridge drinking your own urine whilst shouting at pigeons (as fun as that may sound). So i dusted off the old hiking boots and Kate led me out to the Glenorchy road. On her commute to work she is driven along the Glenorchy road to er, Glenorchy, of course. It is a stunning road that skirts the lake and gives you amazing views of the Mt Aspiring national park. Basically it showcases the proper mountains in the area. Don't get me wrong, the Remarkables aren't called that to be facetious, but they can't hold a candle to Mt Earnslaw and the huge snow capped peaks in Mt Aspring national park. Kate reckoned we should do this hike from 7 mile delta all the way to Bobs cove, which should have been about 3-4 hours return. I thought she was being a bit adventurous on our first hike in months but let her lead me off into the bush. After no more than 50 metres she decided that the descent down the cliffs was too steep and that we should head back to Biff. I thought it wasn't too bad but she was worried more about the ascent on the way back. I relented and we headed back to Biff and drove a bit further down the road to Bobs cove. We parked up and Kate decided we would do the hike from there to 12 mile delta which was gonna be around 2 hours. I agreed but before we could set off she decided we were in the wrong spot and that she didn't want to do the hike. Now by this time i was getting a little frustrated and had to suppress my urges to hold her face down in the lake whilst repeatedly hitting the back of her head with a rock! I enhanced my calm and we got back into Biff and headed further down the coast to 12 mile delta. We headed off the road and got to the car park at 12 mile delta but this time we didn't even get out of the van as Kate vetoed it for some other reason. My frustration began to bubble over again. She was just lucky i didn't have any sharp, or in fact blunt instruments in the front seat. Not for her, but for ending my own existence!! We then decided we would continue up the road to Kinloch and to the start of the Routeburn track. The Routeburn and Milford tracks are considered some of the most amazing walks in the world, not just NZ. They are 4-5 day hikes but you can walk the track for a little bit and then head back. So we eventually found our way to the start of the track but at the last minute decided to veer off and in fact walk the Sylvan lake track. So what had started the day as a 3-4 hour steep hike in fact ended up as a 1.5 hours gentle stroll through the forest to Lake Sylvan. It was stunning though to be fair. They filmed a lot of the lord of the rings films in the local forests so there was a real middle earth feel to it. If you have seen the movies i think they filmed Fangorn forest and the bit with the Ents there. The lake was extremely secluded and was very pretty too. We hung out on one of it's beaches and ate home made cookies in the sunshine before heading back to Biff. When we got to him Kate reckoned we should try driving to the Rees valley which was sort of on the way home and was supposed to be stunnning too. So we headed out toward it but stopped on the road to it when we were faced with a sign which read "Backcountry road: beware of fjords and deep trenches." Now Biff doesn't really have 'fjords' and 'deep trenches' in his vocabulary but we pushed on to check it out. After about 10km we rounded a corner and were greeted with a small fjord bisecting the road. I got out to inspect it and reckoned we could get through it but after some thought and the realisation that we were 15km from the nearest town and had no reception on our phones, we decided against it and turned back.

It was a nice introduction back into tramping so the next day we decided to go again. JC and Laura lent us their Wakatipu walks guide and after some deliberation we decided to do a walk out in Arrowtown called "Tobins track." At first i was surprised Kate was up for it as it was described as a continuous gradual climb up to around 900 metres. Even when we got to the bottom of the track and started climbing, i was still unsure that Kate had any idea what she had let herself in for. We eventually made it to the top and were greeted by stunning views of Arrowtown, the wakatipu basin and most importantly, a bench. Kate, extremely red at this point and looking a little like Hellboy, collapsed on to the bench and we rested for a while before heading back down and going home.

In all it was a pretty nice week. I was a little bit disappointed that we didn't road trip it to Mt Hutt but petrol and hotels and money worries sort of killed the buzz. So, the skis have been waxed and stored away in Biff until February when we will get them out again for Salt lake city and it's massive amount of ski resorts. This week i plan to just chill out again until Kate has her days off work. She is trying to make the most of her frontline staff discounts and book us on a couple of trips. Maybe fun-yaking (which is inflatable kayaking) and a trip to the Milford sound. One of the helicopter companies told Kate she can get a free heli-trip to Milford and that i'll get 50% off too. Sounds gnarly but even with 50% off it'll still cost about $200-400. Still, how many times in your life are you given the opportunity to be helicoptered into one of the most beautiful places on earth? We shall see.

So guys, i will let you know how these last few weeks in Qtown go.

Peace

D

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That's really all folks.............

So, now the season is really over................maybe. The Remarks closed yesterday so that is that for skiing in Qtown. Except, Mt Hutt is still open and only 5 hours drive away!! I'm thinking road trip. Maybe. Already have Talis (the dude from dodgeball) and the German (ski instructor from the Remarks - not sure of her real name) interested so might have to go on an epic road trip to Methven and ski Mt Hutt. Especially since they are still open and have had 50cms of snow this week!! Sick!

So the Remarks closed yesterday. I skied it for the last 2 days and had such a contrast in my riding. On Saturday i skied like a total gimp. My skis just weren't going where i told them to and i fell over all the time. I hit this ledge which i have hit all season and landed all season, but for some reason on Saturday i fell over on it. At first i blamed the snow but after a while i started to doubt my skis. I met up with the rentals crowd and started to ride the baby park they have there. I had no confidence so apart from the gay box and a few little jumps i avoided everything. I left the Remarks thoroughly disappointed and wondered if i should just hang my skis up for the season. It didn't help that Talis and the German took me on this massive hike to hit these massive chutes and half way up i had an asthma attack and had to come down. I imagine it's what skiing with my sister Kes is like, if she ever skis. I panicked a wee bit as haven't had an asthma attack in years and my inhaler was down the mountain. Ski patrol were on me like a rash and offered to ski me down but i was able to make it to the bottom in one piece. I was disappointed though as the chutes (a run called escalator) were supposed to be super steep and gnarly, just the way i like it. So i got down from the Remarks in a foul mood and wasn't going to go up yesterday for the last day of the season. I relented though and went up, couldn't end the season on a sour note eh? I got a lift from Billy so had him and the rentals crew with me all day. I checked my skis out too and found that one of the bindings had worked its way backward so i had no forward pressure (very technical). It meant it would randomly pop itself off my foot for no reason. So i adjusted that and tightened up my DINS (more technical shit) and was good to go again. I took my helmet too so had no excuses for avoiding anything in the park. Well, apart from the fact that big fat dudes and huge jumps don't really go well together. I hit a few boxes and threw myself off of some little jumps before eyeing up the huge jump at the bottom of the park. I have thought about hitting it all season but have pussied out. It is probably smaller than the one big jump we had at Coronet earlier in the season which i hit loads but at Remarks there is always an audience as it is under the chairlift. I avoided it for most of the day but in the afternoon i had a "fuck it-all in" moment and went for it. Now as i have mentioned, fat dudes and big jumps just don't mix. I had way too much speed when i hit it and nearly cleared the whole thing and landed on the flat (which is how you break your legs!!). Managed to save it and land but the shock of 100kgs of lard hitting the ground caused me to fall as i rode away. All very gay but i was super stoked that i hit it. It didn't matter whether i rode away clean or landed in a twisted heap, i did it and i didn't hurt myself. YAY!!

Filled with mucho confidence we then decided to go hiking. Now fat guys and hiking also don't mix! (shit, skiing and being over weight is proper hazardous!) After my asthma attack the previous day i was sceptical i would even make it to the top of the 2 hikes we attempted. I had my inhaler and strapped my skis to my rucksack so i was much better prepared. Hiking in ski boots sucks sweaty balls though!! It was super hard work but well worth the effort. I got to the top of the viewpoint at Remarks and was greeted by the most amazing view. I could see Qtown and lake Wakatipu below me and the southern alps stretching off into the distance. After i finally got my breath back (the air is much thinner at the top of a mountain remember) i was in total awe. It was stunning. It helped that the weather was a total bluebird (which means amazing). What sucked though was that i forgot my camera! So there i was, literally sitting on top of the world with the most amazing view, beer in hand and no frickin camera. Oh well. I got the guys to take a pic of me just to prove i was there though. Hopefully they will post it on Facebook or somethin. After a while for us all to recover we skied down this crazy steep bit and went for lunch.

After lunch the guys started talking about hiking up the other side of the mountain to Escalator, the run where i nearly died from an asthma attack! I decided i would go for it. So after hiking up this massive mountain, in ski boots, for what seemed like forever we made it to the top and had a much needed beer. The escalator run lay before us and it was insanely steep with loads of jagged rocks everywhere. Now, i have skied some pretty gnarly runs before (delirium dive in Banff is crazy!) but this totally took the biscuit. It was not only steep but stupidly narrow too. It was shaded as well so had a really firm crust to the snow. Not good when you really really don't want to fall. Falling pretty much ensures you are fucked as it was so steep there was no way of stopping yourself from crashing into the jagged rocks. We started the run and it wasn't long before i was in the zone! You have to really jump turn on the really steep stuff but after a few turns, and the huge fricking hike, my legs gave up and i stacked it. I slid for about 20 metres but managed to rescue myself and get back up onto my skis before i hit a huge rock. We all stopped and composed ourselves. I think i reminded the guys just how dangerous the run was. It didn't help that it kept avalanching too. Just little ones but enough to hurt when it hit you when you stopped. The snow was hard and crusty remember. We traversed down before we hit this really narrow neck between 2 cliffs. The German just fucking straight lined it (the crazy bitch) but the rest of us had to side slip it, which caused more avalanches. We got past it though and then gunned it outta there. The German was waiting for us on a small flat ridge and as i caught up with her, my legs gave in again and i tumbled into her. It was funny. I never knew Germans actually had a sense of humour. At first i thought she was gonna freak out and invade Poland or something but she was Uber cool about it. We skied back to the main runs and that was it. I was super tired but was a little gutted when i realised the lifts had stopped. I was however super stoked that i did the hikes and did some crazy gnarly runs, oh and that i avoided breaking my neck. Always a bonus.

Other than an epic final day at the Remarks my week has been pretty timid. Have tried to cut down on my drinking as it was draining the bank account quicker than i can drain a Jager-bomb (or Jager-ma-bomb as i am trying to get the world to say - you have to say it like Homer says "saxa-ma-phone" in the Simpsons though). I did however play poker a few times this week. I did well too. It was also the first night back for the old Rattlesnake tournament that me and Kate used to play. It was how we first got into poker here in NZ so i got all nostalgic when we got there. It was really weird being back there. The barmaid Rachel saw us and came and gave us huge hugs, and cheap beer too. It feels like i have gone full circle in that i started off my season playing poker at Rattlesnake and i am now gonna end it there, it feels right. I was gutted when it got shut down because it was so much fun and we made so many friends through it, but it's back baby! I of course finally found an incentive to play proper poker again and smashed everybody! It was my first win in ages as i have just not been too bothered about poker recently. I have fallen back in love with it recently and have put in some more consistent performances but it's not like the olden days were i made something stupid like 25 final tables in a row! I have this huge rep in Qtown poker circles now but for the last month or so i have preferred to go out with friends instead of playing cards. My new found enthusiasm though will hopefully let me leave Qtown on a poker high. $50 bar tabs are much more of an incentive too now that i am not working!

So no other dramas here really. I of course will endeavour to let you know how these last few weeks in Qtown go. Now then, what was i thinking about..................Oh yeah, ROAD TRIP!!!

Peace

D

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