What happens in Vegas......

So they say what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. If that's the case then this is gonna be one short blog. All i can say is that Vegas is INSANE!! The end

Peace

D

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Nah, just kidding. I did a little bit more than that. Our first night was pretty uneventful. We didn't finally get to our hotel til late so just went down for a few beers in one of the millions of bars our hotel had in it's huge casino. We also checked out a few games and how much the poker was to play. $60! Still, that's pretty cheap by LV standards. A lot of the other casinos in town are upwards off $100-400 to play. So after some rest and a day walking in the rain checking out the strip and dodging the thousands of touts trying to sell us tickets to shows, we headed back to our hotel to make use of the unlimited beer they serve for $20 between 4pm and 8pm, even better we got asked for ID! After 4 solid hours of drinking we decided to finally give the poker a try. I was amazed Kate went for it as is was obviously $120 for both of us, plus you have to factor in that Kate hasn't really played for that amount of cash. I think you have to be way more careful or "tighter" as we say in poker terms and Kate can be a little loose at times. My concerns were fair because Kate got knocked out pretty quickly. $60 down the toilet but i looked up and Kate was back at the table! In her drunken state she had decided to re-buy in for another $60! If i had even suggested doing that myself she'd have extracted my testicles from me via my anus and slung them under a bus! I didn't let it affect me though as she suddenly started playing much better and knocking people out. I finished 4th which i was pleased with but Kate went on a run of cards and flops i have never seen. She was hitting impossible outs and ended up knocking out a guy to get to heads up. The other guy she was playing offered to split the first and second place between them and i sighed in relief when Kate agreed. There was no way that luck of hers could continue. So in the end it was all good as she pocketed around $300.

After much high fives and both of us super happy, i recommended we hit the hay and call it a night. Kate wanted to celebrate though and refused to go to bed before having a cocktail. I didn't want to ruin her moment so we had a few more drinks and Kate polished off a couple of long island ice teas (her favourite cocktail). I felt surprisingly sober and got chatting to another English guy who had played poker with us and he convinced me to play again in the midnight tournament. Kate said she was gonna go to bed so i said i was gonna play poker. Kate then had a change of heart and wanted to play as well. Not good as by this time she was struggling to stand, let alone play poker in a casino in Vegas. I tried to get her to bed but she refused.

We sat down to play and paid our $120 entrance fees. Kate got knocked out again pretty quick but i played really well. Kate said she wanted to go to bed but i was kicking arse and was the chip leader. She then said she had lost her hotel room key so i had to take her. I asked her to wait until there was a break in the tournament. She sat by some slot machines but kept calling me on my mobile and texting me. I went over to her and told her to wait 7 minutes until the break.

When the break came she was nowhere to be found. I had 5 minutes to find her and get her to bed. I rang her and she said she was on our floor. I sprinted to the lift got upstairs and found her wandering around the corridor. I grabbed her, opened the room and finally got her to bed. I then ran back downstairs and made it to the table just in time. I continued my good play and was the chip leader when i got to heads up against this scary looking tattooed dude. I offered to split the money with him but he wanted to flip a coin. I was a bit pissed off with him as i wanted to make sure Kate was OK, plus it was now 3am. We flipped a coin and it came up that we would keep playing. I went super tilt and pushed all in on the next hand with pretty mediocre cards. The other guy called and beat me. It left me with not a lot of chips and it wasn't long before i was beat. 2nd place won me $200 which i was pretty damn happy about. I went up to bed, put my room key in but nothing happened. I was locked out!

I banged on the door for 20 minutes but couldn't wake up Kate. I went to reception and told them what was happening but the stupid arsehole women on reception told me that because the deadbolt was on the door i couldn't get in. I went back upstairs again to try and wake up Kate. After another 20 minutes of banging on our door, and waking up other people, that i had to apologise to, i gave up. I went back down to the casino fuming! I didn't know what to do. Should i just rent another room? Should i just wait in the casino til Kate woke up? NO, i decided i was going to go to a strip club!

I jumped in a taxi outside the hotel and headed to Spearmint Rhino. After a few more beers and a lap dance from a women with the biggest boobs in the place, i left $150 lighter in the wallet! It was now about 5.30am so i headed back to the hotel. I was pretty drunk by now but still didn't know what to do. As i walked to my hotel i noticed some stairs in the car park across the road. I strolled over and sat down to rest under the steps. Next thing i know i was being woken up by 2 security guards! I must have dozed off. I explained to them what had happened, that i was locked out of my room and that the lady in reception told me i was screwed. They walked me back to the hotel and told me they could get me into my room. Apparently the women on reception was wrong and they had a special key to get into any room. They said she would be fired for telling me that and making me sleep rough. I had to point her out but didn't feel in the least bit guilty. If she had just called security i would be in bed already and still with my poker winnings. Yes, i know i didn't have to go to a strip club, i don't really even like strippers! I hate the falseness of them. They will try anything just to get money out of you but i didn't know what to do and was very mad with Kate.

I finally got into my room at 6am. Kate woke up straight away which pissed me off even more as i had been trying to wake her up all frickin night! She insisted she didn't mean to put the deadbolt on the door but who knows in her drunken state. What a polarva!!

By the time i woke up i had calmed down a lot and started seeing the funny side of it all. Amazingly, even though we spent $500 that night, because we had done so well at poker, we broke even! Not bad really and to be fair, it was probably just another night in Vegas.

So after that night we calmed down big time and actually got out about and checked out the strip more. The weather suddenly became awesome, sunny but still fairly mild. I don't think there is anything in the world to prepare you for the sheer size and opulence of Las Vegas. Everything there is enormous. Some of the hotels are just a stunning combination of size and attention to detail. I have to say that Cesar's Palace was the most spectacular but it is a close call between that, The Venetian and The Bellagio. We had a nose around all the biggies and was blown away by all the marble and features.

Eating in Vegas is just as extravagant as the huge hotels. America is known for it's large portions but in Vegas, it is just ridiculous! All you can eat buffets seem to be the norm and it is so easy to see why there is a scary obesity problem here. That said, you haven't seen obesity until you get to a Vegas buffet. There is fat and then there is Vegas buffet fat. These people were huge! Rolling around the place, their love handles over hanging their mobility scooters with plates full of fried chicken and prime rib. Really really messed up! It isn't just the buffets either. The Nascar cafe near us sold a 6lb burrito! That's like eating a baby! If you ate it in 90 minutes or less, it was free. Crazy!

Another thing i got super excited about was when i saw a sign offering $1 BJ's! I got very excited until i realised it meant $1 black jack. Damn it! Although, apart from all the hotties that work in the numerous strip clubs Vegas seems to be the home of the B.O.B.F.O.C (body off baywatch, face off crimewatch!). Loads of gorgeous bodies topped off with old haggard swamp donkey faces. Think Amy Winehouse but with bigger boobs and more wrinkles.

Vegas was certainly a 24 hour party town with the option to get into a lot of expensive trouble. People stroll the strip with huge yard long cocktails strapped to them shaped like towers, skyscrapers or guitars, at like 10 am. People stand on street corners handing out thousands of prostitute call cards (prostitution is illegal within the city limits but legal in the state of Nevada). And of course there are casinos everywhere. I half expected to go for a piss in a toilet and find a slot machine above the urinal. Vegas could really be an amazing place. In some areas it is clean and super modern but in others you have to wade through thousands of hooker call cards all littered on the floor. It does exactly what it offers and Sin city is such an apt name. It certainly isn't what i would call a family place yet i saw children everywhere. The strip is like being immersed in a huge adult orientated theme park but i liked it. Although sex and gambling seems to be thrust into your face everywhere you go, you can avoid it, if you try really hard.

We left LV blown away by the size of the place. We decided to hire a car after all and have now made the short 6 hour drive to Salt Lake city in Utah. The drive over was uneventful and the scenery was stunning. Miles and miles of nothing at one point then a stunning red rock gorge cut through the mountains. Salt Lake city should be a lot quieter, especially since it is home to the Moomins. remember those little white hippos from back in the day? Well, apparently 80% of Utah are little white hippos but i haven't seen any yet. Kate thinks I'm confused. She keeps telling me it is home of the Morons! We'll just have to see.

The great thing about SLC so far is the scenery. We are high up in the mountains and there is snow everywhere. Sweet. I can't wait to get up into them and ski my arse off. We're off to Alta tomorrow to see how we get on. Kate has hurt her foot so we will see how we do.

So, if sex, gambling and excess is your thing, then Vegas is for you. My cousin is planning her 30th birthday there. I want to go but fear for my wallet. Gulp. That's still over a year away so i think i'll just focus on my current travels. I'll keep you posted Y'all.

Peace

D

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