Wow, I had forgotten just how much distance it is possible to cover in such a short period of time. We agreed before we arrived in NZ that we would never drive for more than a few hours a day but what with NZ being such a small country you can get pretty far in such a short time. Man, if this place had more than 100 miles of motorway you’d be able to fly around it no problem. I say this because since I last blogged in Akaroa we have covered the remainder of the south island and are now in the far north of the south island in Paroha which is in the Abel Tasman national park. For the first time in our trip we have actually revisited places and are re driving roads to places we missed when we passed through last time.

After we left the supposedly very French town of Akoroa we went to the supposedly very English city of Christchurch. To be brutally honest I didn’t really see the Englishness of it. Apart from the place names (St Albans and Northwood to name but a few) and the Avon river that runs through the city with it’s punters on it, it was just another NZ city. It was an amazing NZ city though. It’s pretty big by NZ standards but the shopping was awesome. Everything you’d ever need was in walking distance of the city centre unlike Aucklands sprawling metropolis. It was very clean too, well compared to the copious amounts of dog shit all over the place in Akaroa, Christchurch was like a hospital operating theatre. We stayed there for a few days and stocked up on a few creature comforts, including an early birthday present from Kate of a new basketball game for the laptop and a ‘troller’ (as my nephew would say). It was great to be in proper shopping malls too. Not just because of the shops but because of all the Christmas decorations. It is summer here and it makes it very easy to forget that Christmas is only a few weeks away. I’m not really looking forward to a warm Christmas away from all my friends and family. It seems just plain wrong to think of a barbie instead of the traditional turkey and all the trimmings. Probably why they had a Christmas in July back in Qtown when it was cold and snowy.

We tried our luck at a local poker game too but when we realised that half of them were playing in the national championships in auckland we realised we were in above our heads. Needless to say we got knocked out pretty quickly. We really enjoyed our time in Christchurch though and considered staying there for a while longer. It was just so nice to sort of be normal again. I mean we went to the cinema and saw the new Twilight movie, we ate out and we shopped a lot (not buying anything of course but Kate got to touch loads of things). A welcome break from the ritual of road life.

We were however quite keen to leave Christchurch and get to our next stop, Kaikoura (pronounced Ky-Kowra – which means ‘to eat crayfish’ in Maori. Not Ky-kora which means ‘to eat bird feathers’). The main reason for going to Kaikoura is that it is home to one of the most diverse and largest selection of sealife in NZ, and all just a little bit off shore. The reason for this is that there is a huge 3000 metre deep trench just off shore. At certain points along the coast the trench is only 800 metres away! The deep trench attracts deep sea animals such as whales and giant squid which would normally be out in the middle of the sea. It is the premier place here to whale watch as over 20 different types of whale and porpoise can be seen throughout the year. We of course we there in that grey area between winter and summer. In winter it is a popular feeding ground for humpback whales and in summer it attracts killer and blue whales. Luckily though sperm whales and various breeds of dolphin are around all year. We decided to stay in a campsite right in town. It was cheap too and after inspection of the shower facilities we could see why. The mens had bloody graffiti sprayed in it! It was alright though and we couldn’t complain as it was super cheap. We booked our whale watching trip for the day after we arrived but when we turned up for it the weather had turned and it was cancelled. The following day it was a gorgeous summer day so we were quite excited about getting out on the boat. After an amazing BBC documentary (filmed in Kaikoura) in the whale watching HQ and a safety briefing we headed off to our vessel. The sea looked super calm but as we left the harbour the boat really started rocking. Before we got on the boat we were told the sea was “a bit jobbly” but not even sure if that was a real word we assumed it would all be ok. I have never been sea sick before but even before we left the campsite I felt a little queasy. I thought I’d be barfing for Britain on the boat but I was fine. Unlike some dude at the back of the boat who spent most of trip chucking his guts up. Ha ha! We stopped at a few places while the captain listened with a hydrophone for the whale. Sperm whales make the second loudest noise in nature after the pistol shrimp. Their sonar can produce sound that is 230 decibels. A jumbo jet engine at full thrust is around 140 decibels! Yeah, sperm whales are pretty fucking gnarly eh? The guide on the boat told us how in Canada a diver got hit by a sperm whales sonar and started peeing blood cos his internal organs had been damaged by it. Ok ok, so yes I have become a bit of a sperm whale expert but they are fascinating creatures which hold so many world records. They dive the deepest, hold there breath forever and have awesome underwater battles with giant and colossal squids! They are the largest toothed predator in the world too. After a few stops though for the captain to hunt the whale we were still no closer to seeing one. Another whale watching boat from our company joined us and the two captains suddenly gunned it to a spot where they thought the whale was. And low and behold they were right! We stopped the boat and everyone legged it out onto the deck. It was enormous! The sperm whales they have in Kaikoura are all adolescent males so are only half grown too! It floated on the surface for about 10 minutes before it started preparing to dive. We waited as it bucked and disappeared before coming back to the surface. Each time getting itself ready to dive 2 miles down into the ‘midnight zone.’ Then just as our guide predicted it headed down and lifted it’s tail right out of the sea. It was awesome and I got an awesome pic of it – soon to be on facebook. We called the sperm whale ‘Spunky’ and left the deck. We headed back to shore well happy with ourselves. Even the vomiting dude at the back of the boat couldn’t dampen our spirits. So, if anyone has any queries about sperm whales just direct them to me. If anyone is curious, for example, as to why they are called sperm whales it’s because they have a milky white oil in their heads which looks like jizz. The oil is thought to be either a sonar magnifier or that the whale can solidify the oil when it wants to dive and use it as ballast so it sinks faster. When it wants to surface it liquefies the oil which then becomes buoyant. See, sperm whales are way cool!

We also finally bought some pounamu (Maori greenstone) in Kaikoura as it was easily the most Moari place we have seen on the south island. Pounamu holds loads of meaning in Maori history. Each piece is crafted into tribal patterns which all symbolise things. The thing about greenstone though is that you are not allowed to buy it for yourself as it is bad luck. So we decided to treat ourselves to early Christmas presents and got some for each other. Mine is a Wharea (Pronounced farea). It is a tribal leaders shape which signifies strength and overcoming adversity. Seemed pretty fitting to me. I wanted to get Kate something meaningful too but in the end got her an awesome piece that looks like a fern leaf. Not sure it symbolises anything in the traditional sense of things but for us it will always be a reminder of our time here.

We reluctantly left Kaikoura and it’s many fish and chip shops and headed north. We are now in Pohara. Right on the beach and enjoying the sunshine. We are here for a few days and might go kayaking with the seals on the local beach before heading back to Nelson for a proper visit as the last one was a bit of a cloak and dagger operation to go see Debbie. It’s nice to be back up this way so we can do all the stuff we didn’t get a chance to do last time we where up here.

I am starting to feel more and more Kiwi as of late. Mostly because I, like everyone else here am walking around barefoot. It seems Kiwis, although inventing the flip flop, like to have the feel of the earth beneath their toes. To be fair I am only walking barefoot along the beach but I’ve seen Kiwis driving cars barefoot! Maybe I’m becoming more of a pikey than a Kiwi. Especially since I pee’d in a bottle in Biff the other day. Hey, it was pissing it down outside and it was at least 30 metres to the toilets. I’m not lazy, it’s just that getting anything dry in Biff is a bit of a nightmare. At least that’s what I told Kate.

Will let you know what’s happening in our world again shortly.

Peace

D

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Lake Take-a-poo

Howdy from the Amazingly picturesque town of Akaroa which is about 70 km south of Christchurch. Since my last entry we have travelled pretty far. We left the relative comfort of our apartment in Dunedin with our bags re packed and our pockets stuffed full of stolen coffee! When I quizzed Kate on why we now had tons of coffee she just stated “Have you seen the price of coffee over here?!” All well and good I suppose when we are trying to live to a budget but I don’t actually remember the last time Kate drank coffee. We also pillaged the apartment of all it’s shampoo and conditioner but that’s just standard hotel theft really. So from Dunedin we headed north along the coast to the town of Oamaru famous for it’s penguin colonies. So as you can imagine Kate was busting a nut as we approached the town and saw penguin shops galore! We settled into our campsite and on the advice from the lady in the office waited until the evening before making our way to the penguin colonies. There are several dotted along the coast but the best ones are bushy beach (which has it’s own blog at NFOBB.co.nz if you are interested) which has a large colony of yellow eye penguins and the Oamaru blue penguin centre just outside town. We got to bushy beach and anticipated another cliff to climb like the one we had to scale when we went to sandfly point on the Otago peninsula and saw Duncan the lonely penguin. Bushy Beach was far more considerate for the unfit though and had a nice cliff top walk to the penguin hide. The Beach was actually off limits after 3pm so we wandered along the cliff tops stopping at various points were other people had gathered. At one stop we leaned over the barrier and saw a huge yellow eyed penguin no more than 10 feet away from us! He/she was just standing there watching us. We had been told that they are extremely timid animals but here one was as bold as brass just watching us watching it. Kate was ecstatic and I managed to squeeze off a few decent pics before we headed further along the walkway to the hide. Once there we saw a few more penguins further down the beach waddling along. It was so cool but I couldn’t help but get distracted by a large crowd that had amassed on the walkway back along the cliff. I left Kate to investigate and when I arrived there were 2 penguins about 20 feet away doing their greeting dances. Penguins have a greeting ritual when they meet back with their partners after a hard days fishing. It was so cool! I beckoned Kate over and she squealed and cooed when she saw them. We watched them for around 30 minutes before deciding to head over to the blue penguin colony in town. We arrived super early as it didn’t open until 30 minutes before sunset. Blue penguins are extremely shy and only come on land when it is dark. We had to pay for the privilege as the penguin colony has a massive grandstand you have to watch them from and they also do tons of penguin rehab and research there too. By the time we got our seats on the grandstand there was around 50 people all eager to see the little blue penguins. We waited for the tell tale signs of there imminent arrival. Blue penguins all collect about 500 metres off shore in these groups called rafts then they all arrive on the beach at once in a massive frenzy. We saw a few little rafts out to sea in the fading light and before we knew it there were little penguins all over the place! The beach was covered in them, all clambering up the rocks to their nesting ground. When they got to the top of the rocks they had to cross a path. They all waited then tentatively crossed the path before running off in loads of directions to get to their little burrows on the other side of a fence. It was amazing as there just so many of them. One even trotted across the bottom of the grandstand right in front of us. They were totally oblivious to us as the special lights the centre uses ensures the penguins still think it’s pitch black, we could see them but they couldn’t see us. We counted around 150 penguins! They were super cute too and I was in stitches watching them walk. When we left we had to check under Biff to make sure there weren’t any penguins hiding out under him. On the drive out there were penguins all over the place! Running out of bushes, hiding by lamposts and just hanging out on street corners, maybe they were penguin prostitutes? Such a shame there were no cameras allowed. Er, not for the penguin hookers though.

It was easily the best $20 I had spent and it is something I strongly recommend anyone doing if they are in the vicinity. Most penguin beaches have no guarantee that you will see anything but the colony at Oamaru has over 300 penguins that all come ashore at nightfall every night. They are super cute too. It certainly satisfied Kates penguin fetish, for how long though will need to be seen.

From Oamaru we headed back inland. The terrain in NZ is so varied and our trip to Lake Tekapo from Oamaru was a prime example of just how diverse it is in such a short distance. We had been used to large green hills covered in flowering yellow gorse for the previous weeks but now the scenery turned to flat brown plains for as far as the eye could see all covered in buttercups. As we headed further inland we hit the southern Alps again so were again surrounded by snow capped mountains. Mt Cook, which is NZs highest peak loomed off in the distance but the low cloud made it hard to make out. We had already seen it from the west coast anyway so weren’t that bothered. We stopped at Lake Pukaki for lunch and I was in shock at just how absurdly turquoise the lake was. Apparently the glaciers in the area crush rocks together and form something called glacial flour. It’s like a white powder that you can see coating rocks but it suspends itself just under the surface of the lakes and reflects the sky really well. It was awe inspiring and no picture I took does it any justice. I had seen a similar thing at Lake Louise in Canada but the sheer size of Lakes Pukaki and Tekapo completely dwarf it. We also noticed that everywhere was covered in flowering lupins now. They were stunning and really added colour to the earthy scenery. When we got to Lake Tekapo we settled into our lakeside campsite and went for a stroll along the lake front. We also headed over to the hot pools and had a nice long soak. Lake Tekapo is famous for it’s lake obviously but is also one of the best places to star gaze. They are trying to get the sky above Tekapo made into a world heritage sight! This was clearly evident on my frequent treks to the toilets over night. At one point both Kate and me just stood in the middle of the campsite gazing upward. I have seen some awesome skies since I have been here away from the usual light pollution we get at home but the skies that night will stay with me forever. It was so clear. Not only could I see Orions belt, I could see the bulge in his shorts too!!

We left Lake Tekapo the following day and headed north. The terrain again changed as we left the snow capped mountains behind us. Instead the vast rolling brown plains became hills again. In the distance the large rolling brown hills looked like a sleeping sharpei. You know like those really wrinkly dogs. Here in NZ the andrex puppy isn’t a labrador it’s a brown sharpei puppy. It still runs away with the bog roll but it is way cuter and considerably more wrinkled! We continued north passing Mt Hutt which if you remember is one of the sister resorts to Coronet Peak. It still had a fair bit of snow on it too and I could see why it has the longest ski season in NZ. We stopped in Ashburton for a milkshake as the weather here is getting noticeably warmer, before continuing back to the coast and to the town of Akaroa. It is out on this big peninsula with lots of huge hills which Biff didn’t like one bit! Akaroa is famous for a few things. It is a French settlement so we thought it might be a good spot to stop for some good deli meats, some cheese and a nice baguette. Amazingly, just like France they charge you extortionate prices for it all too! Needless to say our French style picnic has been put on hold. Another thing that it’s famous for is the rare Hectors dolphin. They swim freely in the huge harbour and for a couple of hundred bucks you can swim with them. Again, a little too pricey for us. Kaikoura, up the coast is famous for it’s whale watching and dolphin encounters so we will probably do something when we are there. They also have the largest white flippered penguin colony in NZ here too. A fact Kate swears she wasn’t aware of before deciding to stay here. Yeah right. Bloody penguins! Akaroa is stunning though. We are back in the rolling green hills over looking a huge natural harbour with crystal clear sea. It is so gorgeous we have decided to rest here an extra day before heading off to Christchurch.

So I am also struggling with the feeling of being a tourist again. I know I have always been one but when we settled in Qtown, had jobs and our own place it felt more like home. I hate being spoken to like a tourist too. I have great pleasure in telling people that we have already been here 9 months! Being back in Biff is OK, I guess. Yes I feel a lot like some sort of Hermit crab, dragging my house around on my back, but it is allowing us to see some pretty amazing places and we have a freedom that I will probably never feel again. Yes, financially we are pretty fucked but we decide where we want to go and we go there. We still have no plans. If we see somewhere that looks cool we stay there a little bit longer. It is a freedom that is like the freedom you have as a kid on school holidays. You woke up, met with friends and then the world was your oyster. Here it is different of course, we can drive! We can go anywhere, as long as it isn’t too steep for Biff. Without him we would have missed out on so many out of the way places far off the beaten track. I will forever miss this freedom when I come home and I imagine it will be something I will pine for for years to come. I grumble about Biff I know. I mean, I hit my head in him about 5 times a day, he smells of petrol sometimes, his dashboard rattles when you get to 50 kph and he is more difficult to park than a cruise liner but he is so much more than our home/mode of transport. No, he is part of the family. He looks after us and we look after him. He keeps us dry and warm and we in return fill him with petrol and take him on adventures. With that in mind I suppose I have nothing to complain about eh? Hmmm, I think I am setting myself up here as I have noticed a strange knocking in the steering column and his tracking has become a problem. I just hope he holds it together for a few more months. Then it is someone else’s problem. I will miss him though when we do come to sell him. WE LOVE YOU BIFF!!

Anyway guys I’ll let you know how I get on in Christchurch. It is apparently NZs most English city.

Peace

D

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Dunedin done

Hey guys,

Thought i'd add a quick entry to my blog as we leave Dunedin in the morning and head back on the road so god knows when i will be online again. Dunedin has been fairly kind to us. It's not what i would call a typical city but by NZ standards it is pretty big. It has a real Scottish heritage which we noticed as soon as we arrived here and went to the local farmers market. A dude playing a bagpipe ushered us into the market where we did our usual thing of being impressed with all the local fresh produce without actually buying anything. It's a trick i have learnt from Kate. There are also lots of touristy little Scottish shops scattered around where you can buy tartans and haggis. We have even seen dickhead tourists wearing tamoshanters (the little tartan hats). They look like something from the Russ Abbott show from back in the 80's! The city is a university city and has the oldest uni in NZ. Both Tee and Anna went to school here, as do most Kiwis, and they spoke about a city full of vibrancy and fun. I guess when you are a student and out with mates on the piss all the time, most places can be seen that way. I beg to differ. Yes there are a lot of bars and there is a live music scene here but it is in no way as lively as Qtown was.

We have only really ventured out of the apartment at night once to be fair. We were walking along the cities main street when we noticed a NPPL poker tournament being played that night at an Irish bar called "The Bog." We decided we would give it a go as we have played a fair bit of poker over the last few months. I may have mentioned it? Anyway, we got to the bar and it was dead. We nearly about turned and scarpered but we got a beer and signed up for poker. Similar to Qtown games, at 6.55pm, 5 minutes before the game was supposed to start, about 30 people suddenly appeared. I got chatting to the barman who turned out to be an odd little fella from Fleet. Elvetham Heath to be exact who had also lived in Guildford. He was bizarre so i dodged anymore conversation with him and got stuck into the game. My table was probably the quietest poker table i had ever been at. Lots of guys taking it all way too seriously. I didn't get any hands and before long i was left with only a few chips. It didn't help that they did a raffle where you bought numbers which would be drawn to win chips. Just buying numbers got you 5000 chips for every 5 bucks you spent. After the first raffle some guy on my table suddenly had over 50,000 in chips! I sat opposite him with a mere 3000. It struck me as a bit unfair. I mean we did raffles back in Qtown but you won maybe 15,000 at most. This guy had gone from nothing to chip leader in the space of 5 minutes, and there were 2 raffles! It takes a lot of poker out of the game but as i have always said about poker, cream rises to the top. I was patient. Probably the most patient i have ever been at a poker table. I bided my time and got a run of cards which saw me turn my 3000 chips to around 120,000! When we both got to final table i was the chip leader! Kate took great pleasure in informing everyone that i hadn't played the raffle either as everyone was in awe of my huge stack whilst i went to the bathroom. I played a bit sketchy on final table after Kate got knocked out as i felt she just wanted to go home. After one bullshit call i made she had a go at me and told me to tighten up. I told her i thought she wanted to go but she said she'd prefer a bar tab. I then went on a tear, knocking out 3 people and regaining the chip lead. When it got to heads up against me and this one eyed dude called Eden I was already stoked. It already felt like a win. I was down to just 3 chips at one point and had got to heads up. I was way tired though and got beat. I am still on a high from it though even though the $25 dollar bar tab has long been spent. It proved to me that i am pretty good at this poker malarkey. In Qtown i got to a point where i was just playing the same faces week in and week out and i got a bit bored of it as i knew i had already beaten them but here in a new place with new people and up against the stupidest raffle system in the world, i played awesome! I don't think i have a gambling problem or anything but i love playing Texas hold 'em. Be it online or in a dingy pub, as long as it is free, i love it. I have only played a few cash games and have had a fair bit of success in them but playing for money holds a sort of fear for me. Probably for the best anyway.

Especially since we got our final payments into our account this week. Kates last payslip and holiday pay was more than we thought it would be and we got pretty much all of our security deposit back on the house (the oven needed cleaning which cost $80) but our bank account is far from what i would call healthy. The money we have in there now is supposed to see us through from now up until we leave NZ. Apart from our tax rebates which we can apply for next month, we will not be getting anymore money in. It is super scary in a way, especially since i drained my UK bank account too whilst in Qtown. Money that was supposed to be used for things like Birthday and Xmas cards. So for the first time in years i feel skint. I mean we have money locked away in UK accounts for when we get home but for know we actually have money worries. The cost of living out here is way more than we thought and the pound has spiralled down in value against the Kiwi dollar. We heard the other day that NZ groceries have increased in price the 3rd most in the world after only Korea and Australia. It shows as well with huge discrepancies from place to place. Avocados were nearly $3 each in Qtown! You can buy 2 for $1 here. It all comes down to NZ only having 2 main supermarket companies and them charging ridiculous prices for stuff. The farmers here are getting shafted too as they are paid pretty much the same for their goods as they were 10 years ago but the mark up on them is insane. Groan. So nights out and poker (unless we can keep winning bar tabs) are probably things of the past for us now as we are really gonna have to tighten the old purse strings.

That said we did go a little crazy on our Cadbury factory tour. Man, even by NZ standards it was shit! They had these little animatronic dolls making chocolate in the main foyer. It looked like a really naff version of it's a small world after all in Disney. Like they had made the dolls themselves from an early 1970's edition of Blue Peter! We got some freebies though but nothing good like Dairy milk or crunchies. We went to the shop on the way out though and bought a few bars which lasted all of about 15 minutes once we got them back to the apartment.

It seems i have fallen back into my old ways of pigging out on lots of rubbish food. The week we spent in Biff i obsessed about food but stuck to just noodles, rice and peanut butter sandwiches, or Pikey food as i call it. In Dunedin i have already had 2 burger kings. It doesn't help that it is quite cheap. When we get back in Biff i am seriously going to have to change my ways again. I have also started waking up at the butt crack of dawn again. A common family ailment is that a few of us are natural early risers. My Nan used to work in a newsagent so was always up and out by 6.30am but in comparison to my mum, her 6.30am is considered a lay in! I am not quite that bad yet but rarely sleep past 6.30am. The last few weeks i have had what i consider lay ins and not woken until 7.30am but i am now back into the old 6.30am wake ups. It's not that I'm not tired but no matter how exhausted i seem to get i always wake up at 6.30am. Shit, even if i don't get home til 3am, i still wake up at 6.30am, or ridiculouso'clock as i call it. Maybe i need some warm milk at night or some sort of herbal remedy. I have no trouble getting to sleep, i just wake up stupidly early. Oh well.

So we leave Dunedin way (where i lived as a kid strangely) and head north tomorrow. Probably up the coast to check out the Moreaki boulders on our way to Oamaru to go see if we can spot more bloody penguins!

Peace

D

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Duncan the Penguin, finally.

Hey hey,

As i write this i am tucked away comfortably in my Dunedin apartment which is where we are staying for a week. It's pretty sweet, especially when you consider that it is free. Well, sort of. Before we left Blighty Kate won the Christmas raffle at her old job and won a £300 holiday voucher which had to be used by October. After much deliberation we decided to use it for a hotel in Queenstown so we had somewhere smart to stay in when we first arrived there and could use it as a base to look for jobs and accommodation. However, we got to Qtown 4 weeks sooner than we had planned because we were worried about missing out on jobs and somewhere to live. So we moved the booking to a hotel in Dunedin which had serviced apartments. It's very similar to the set up that we had in Auckland way back in February. Our own little kitchen so we can continue to eat cheap noodles and tins of budget spaghetti. Ah, life on the road. We have been in Biff for what seems like ages now since we left Qtown but in reality it is only really a week or so. We are still in the deep south of the south island but have managed to escape the wilderness that is the Catlins coast. Man, i have never had to recharge my phone so often. It was constantly searching for a signal which drains the battery really quick.

The scenery was stunning though. It was like driving through some sort of Welsh/Scottish hybrid country with elements of the southwest of England thrown in for good measure. It was also typically Kiwi too with rain forests, mountains and white sandy beaches all within ear shot of each other. Part of the attraction of the Catlins, apart from the scenery, is the wildlife. Rare birds seem to be all over the place. Well, they would be if they weren't so bloody rare! We found a few beaches that are home to native (or Hooker) sea lions too. They are very different to the cute Californian sea lions you see at sea world performing tricks. Nah, these are frickin huge big fuckers that weigh up to 500kg! Yeah, that's half a ton! You'll be just strolling along the beach and there are loads of them just lounging all over the beach like huge big slugs. You're not supposed to get too close to them because they can move pretty quick and their bites contain loads of nasty things like salmonella. You're also not supposed to get between them and the sea, but when they are all over the place it's difficult not to.

The first beach we drove to only had a couple of them and we were a little disappointed but when we got to the Otago peninsula outside of Dunedin we went to an isolated beach at Sandfly bay and there were loads of the fuckers! The walk to the beach was pretty eventful as it was down a big sandy cliff and then down a huge big sand dune. The sea lions were impressive but the real reason we went to that beach in particular was because it is also home to Yellow eyed penguins. Our previous penguin hunt had ended in disaster as not only did we not see any but the long unsealed clifftop road to nugget point had caused Biff to empty the contents of his radiator all over the floor. At first i thought we were screwed as not only were we in the middle of no where, we had no mobile reception. Luckily he had only over heated a bit, so i filled his radiator again and we made it out of there alive. In comparison the 6km round trip to the penguin observation hide was a lot less stressful. Well, except for having to dodge tons and tons of sea lion blubber. We got to the penguin hide at the end of the beach and settled in. It wasn't long before i got very bored and my mind began to wander. I watched the beach less and less and was distracted by a seagull shadow as it ascended a cliff out to our right when suddenly i noticed what i thought was a little penguin statue. It wasn't though, it was in fact a real live penguin! I got over excited and pointed it out to Kate who also freaked out! (she quite likes penguins remember?) We watched as Duncan, as i christened him (we were in Dunedin after all - lots of Scottish here), clumsily made his way down the cliff and to the waters edge. He stopped for a while before what seemed like noticing us and disappearing off into the surf and the numerous floating slugs that were sea lions. We decided to stay a bit longer as we were sure more of his mates would follow but it was so windy and getting dark we decided to head back. More sea lions inhabited the beach on the way back and one juvenile male decided we were on his turf and chased us along the beach! Running in deep sand is torture. You make lots of effort but don't really move anywhere. Lucky for us the sea lion got bored and stopped. When we got to the foot of the cliff we were already knackered. It took us ages to get up the sand dune and the sandy cliff. When we got to the top i asked Kate if that one little penguin was worth it? She said that it wasn't, whilst trying to force back urges to vomit. We were fucked! Like triathlon fucked. We are so unfit. Shit the only exercise i have done these last few months is lifting beers to my lips without spilling a drop.

The weather here is pretty harsh too. The sun has been out but the wind here is so strong. We left Bluff in gale force winds and they have pretty much followed us all the way along the coast. Driving a high top campervan in gale force winds is very very distant from what I'd class as fun.

So we are here in Dunedin for a while. It feels so nice to be back in an apartment again. I can sleep in the nude again and don't have to put my shoes on to go for a wee. I don't know how pikeys do it. Anyway i had better go as Kate is keen to go to the Cadburys factory across the street. I am worried that they will think she is an oompa-loompa and not let her out. When i told her that she got upset. I told her she can't be an oompa-loompa, she can't sing or dance.

Peace

D

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Back to life as a pikey

Welcome to my first blog from the road, again. We have finally left Qtown, our home for the last 7 months. To say it was hard to leave is a huge understatement of epic proportions on my part. Kate was a little bothered but I near enough had to be dragged from Qtown kicking and screaming, trying desperately to hang onto anything I could as I was, lamp posts, walls, trees and even old ladies. It was a very emotional last few days for me there for a number of reasons. It is the first real place that has felt like home since we left. Partly because we actually settled into a really nice house and got into the routine of getting jobs, then working those jobs and making friends, then socialising with those friends. It was also because so far, I have not seen a more beautiful place than central Otago (the area around Qtown). Yes white sandy beaches and palm trees are amazing but living with the whitest person in the world kind of hinders your options when you are deciding on settling in a place. If we had chosen a coastal paradise in the sun then Kate would have melted like a vampire! That or I would have to put up with her constant moaning about sunburn and the daily routine of applying suntan lotion for an hour before venturing out into the light. No, we are both not beach people. We do enjoy a occasional trip to the seaside and a walk along the beach at sunset but Qtown was perfect for us as it was in the mountains, had snow, had a huge picturesque lake and lots of places to get drunk in. It was also an amazing place to meet people and make friends. I had always reckoned that it would be great working with people with a common interest (snow) for 5 months and I made lots of friends through work but it seems that the TRUE friendships have blossomed since the season finished. I will miss my friends so much. I know that one of the perils of travelling is that you meet lots of interesting people but due to the nature of not settling anywhere for a great deal of time, you will also lose contact with a lot of interesting people. I found it so easy to meet people and make friends in Qtown. It was like shooting fish in a barrel at times but like I said, the true friends are the ones I will miss. They were the hardest to say goodbye to and they are the ones I will try my hardest to stay in touch with.

After we finally moved out of Greenstone terrace, or Greenstone graveyard as it had become, we moved back into the campsite where we got our first taste of Qtown. It was a weird old feeling being back in the van but it wasn’t long before I was cracking my head of everything again in Biff and swearing loudly at myself. It was awesome though to be in the middle of town again. It meant we had no excuses to not go out and enjoy the last few nights in town. We also got the guys together for one last game of golf out in Frankton. There were 7 of us and I finally managed to get my game together, shooting level par. Not bad when you look at the state of the hire clubs they give you. I was very pleased with myself and thought what a way to sign off from playing golf with the crowd.

We played a few poker games too but to be honest I was just keen to say my goodbyes as I wanted to leave Qtown poker on the high I have felt from winning and playing well in the last few weeks. My last night at Surreal I even decided not to play. I just wanted to hang out with my friends who I had dragged along to Surreal for the cheap booze. So I watched Kate play for a bit before sitting with the guys and messing about. God I am really going to miss that lot. Kate has made friends but she prefers to hang out with my crowd. When I asked her why, she said that my lot are just a lot more fun. It’s true. There is always something going on and we all seem to feed off each other. We have had some pretty crazy nights. For me the best times we had together were a few weeks before the season finished. Everyone was going out. Trying to make the most of the season before most people departed and went their separate ways. We were all still working together though and because the season was now so dead, we were spending lots of time together at work too. I really enjoyed my ride breaks with Dicks, Rich and Kate. I think I rode more of the mountain in those ride breaks than I had in previous weeks. My last ever ride break with those guys is a highlight for me too as we headed off piste and hit a few jumps. Man, I already miss working at Coronet so much too.

What also made it so hard for me to leave is because the guys were all planning their summers together. Looking for jobs and houses. Man, Qtown is going to be so crazy this summer! I am gutted I will miss it and all the new adventures the guys will have. I just have to focus on my own future though and all the adventures I will have and all the new people I will meet. I love you though guys and I am always just a facebook wall away.

So we have left Qtown, and no matter how many times I have suggested heading back to Kate, she is determined we push forward. So after we left we made our way to Te Anau. It is the gateway to the Fjordland National park, which is the largest national park in NZ, but looks a bit like a tiny version of Milton Keynes. Yes, it has the second largest lake in NZ as a backdrop but the buildings on the main street reminded me of the 70’s styling of Milton Keynes. Very odd. We got there and booked ourselves onto a Milford sound cruise. We had one booked for last week from Qtown but went out drinking with the guys the night before and didn’t get in ‘til 3.30am and sort of missed the 6.45am bus. We woke up at 6am, still drunk and decided to sleep instead of get up and endure a 5 hour bus trip with a monster hangover. It was super cheap from Te Anau anyway but still a 2-hour bus ride to get to Milford. The boat trip was good and we got some awesome pics but to be brutally honest, it was no way as big or impressive as the Doubtful sound, which we visited a few months ago. It was smaller and busier than doubtful and we still didn’t see any dolphins or penguins.

From Te Anau we have made our way along the southern scenic highway to Invercargill. Now Invercargill has a few nicknames amongst Kiwis. They call it the "Friendly city" or ‘Vegas’ (as in Las Vegas) but after my first impressions I think they should call it "Invercargill: home of the chav!" Over here they call it being ‘bogan’ but it is all the same thing. Teenage girls dripping in cheap jewellery with fags hanging out of their mouths pushing around prams and guys all wearing cheap track suits sporting hideous mullets! Holy crap it is rough as. Needless to say, the only real reason to go to Invercargill for us was to finally get a burger king! They have been teasing us for months in Qtown with the prospective opening of a BK in Frankton but it has been delayed and before we left it still looked a few weeks away. All season though I have been jones-ing (craving) a burger king. It wasn’t just me either. Billy once contemplated the 6-hour round trip to Invercargill just to get a whopper! For me it has been the constant commercials for the ‘outlaw’ burger. It’s a sort of whopper with bacon and onion rings. Had one today and it did not disappoint. So after a quick burger and a trip to the supermarket to stock up on a few things we decided to head out of town to Bluff. It is the southernmost town in NZ and world-renowned for it’s oysters. We drove to Stirling point near the old lighthouse where they have one of those signposts with loads of points of interest on it like "New York – 15000 km." After a quick look around and a few pictures It suddenly dawned on me that I am at the furthest point away from home I will probably ever be, 18958 km away! That’s over 11780 miles! In a heartbeat I felt probably as lonely and as isolated as I have ever been. Once when I was travelling in Seattle it dawned on me how far away I was from everyone I loved and it nearly made me puke! I guess I have become a bit blasé about just how far away I am from home. Maybe I have just gotten used to the idea but I think it’s more that I try desperately to not think about it. I think that I would spiral into the doldrums if I were to focus on it. In a way it is exciting to be so far away from home but what with all that’s happening there right now, I feel very distant in more ways than one.

Like I said earlier though I just have to focus on all the cool shit we will be getting up to in the coming months. So, Qtown massive, I will miss you guys so much. Dicks I hope you get your life back on track and finally get your revenge fuck. I love you too bro. Don’t tell anyone but I will miss you the most! Rich, I hope you also find some special girl who blows your mind as well as your scrotal zone, and that she isn’t a potential housemate. Anna, I am sorry you never got to shave my head but hopefully a song will suffice. Talis, you are right. You are an immature prick at times but I wouldn’t have it any other way. JC, you are by far the coolest religious leader I have met! Stay away from Jews. Muzal tov bee-atch! Laura, I will miss your muff muffs and your devious poker ways. Carlos, I hope you keep getting fuck drunk, hee hee. Mikey, come on now, enough is enough – livers need love too. Billy, fly! Teebar, I hope I haven’t put you off childbirth forever. Scott, I hope you never have to wake up to Will wanking ever again! Andrew, we need to work on this "no shots!" policy. Shauny, thank you for letting me make a name for myself in poker. K dog, let me know how those paintings of my pics turn out and that your mum will love them. Until next time.

Peace

D

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